"Bats hang over the doorway to the building that housed Mr. Jackson's private arcade; guano stains the threshold." That's how the Wall Street Journal describes Michael Jackson's decaying Neverland Ranch. It gets even freakier from there, with the WSJ receiving a tour of the compound that might be described as Charles Foster Kane meets Pennywise.

Neverland is the latest can't-miss investment play by Colony Capital, whose crackerjack CEO, Tom Barrack, says: "We think we made a very smart real-estate deal ..." Then again, that's probably how Barrack felt about his acquisition of Station Casinos, which just took a bath on some of its land holdings.

Even by Vegas standards, Neverland is way up there on the Bizarre-o-Meter. Too bad Colony can't find a Native American tribe that can claim it as their ancestral land and have it taken into trust. It'd make a casino-based destination resort so demented and perversely infantile, Sin City would be green with envy.

The most blackly funny line in the video comes when the narrator says Colony is taking steps "to remove the taint of scandal." Man, there's no bleach on Earth powerful enough to eradicate that stain. Infamy, like nuclear waste, has a half life of forever.

A Tiger's Tale: Those cats of Siegfried & Roy's were endangering life and limb almost 30 years ago. And gosh, whatever became of the Siegfried & Roy IMAX movie that never screened locally? CineVegas, how can you let this introuvable escape your programming grasp? Maybe Johnny Brenden will let you rent his IMAX screen ... provided you show the movie at 7 a.m. or thereabouts.

So much for the conventional wisdom that Internet poker, at the very least, might find a sympathetic hearing from our poker-loving POTUS. The Justice Department's jihad against online casinos has taken a particularly nasty turn. The DoJ is striking at the soft underbelly of the business, going after players. So if you won $$ fair and square on the 'Net, too bad: Uncle Sam is going to relieve you of your money and if you don't like it, it's not like you can call the cops.

As I. Nelson Rose points out, we're getting into a legal gray area here -- not least because the federal injunction was brought in New York State, where online wagering isn't illegal. Let's give the banks the benefit of the doubt: They probably had little choice to go along with this draconian and unconscionable action, yet another intrusion by Big Brother. Rep. Barney Frank's proposed UIGEA rollback can't happen soon enough.

Adding insult to injury, the Obama administration is going to the mat on behalf of one of Bill Clinton's worst mealy-mouthed compromises -- the Defense of Marriage Act. In doing so, it's resorting to some of the most troglodytic arguments imaginable. Like: Equal rights are bad 'cause they cost the guvmint money 'n stuff.

Heavens, yes, just imagine how expensive it would be if we'd given women and African Americans the vote. What ... we did? I need to read my memos more closely.

So culturally benighted am I that I had to have someone explain to me who this Jon & Kate are and why they are the object of so much fascination. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss. At least they haven't "hosted" at a Vegas nightclub yet ... have they?