Then go hang out at Stack. If they don't like your looks, the in-house goons will be sicced on you. And Las Vegans wonder at the schadenfreude so many people feel with regard to Sin City's current doldrums.

No magic bullet. Liberalization of casino rules in Colorado will raise considerably less revenue than expected. Whoever made the projections that are now coming up 60% short obviously didn't take the recession into account.

Opposition grows. An effort by Illinois Gov. Pat Quinn to saturate the state with video gambling devices is encountering widening opposition. Chicago suburbs Evanston and Naperville are among the areas that have nixed the prospect of slot routes.

Don't like our roads? Mail your thanks to Gov. Jim Gibbons, who just got his knuckles rapped by the chairman of the House Committee on Transportation & Infrastructure for laggard deployment of federal highway funds. It's pretty slow around Carson City once the Lege decamps, so what's Midnight Jim's excuse this time?

Sanity 1, Drunks 0. A trio of boozing bozos who rampaged through Buffalo Bill's before piling their car into a ditch can't sue MGM Mirage for their own asshattery, Nevada's high court rules. Since they were drunk off their asses and getting into fights, the trio of boozehounds maintained, casino management had an obligation to keep them on-property ... presumably so they could have continued terrorizing other patrons and otherwise letting the good times roll. In an unrelated victory for common sense, it is no longer a crime in South Carolina to play poker in the privacy of your own home.

Keystone stalemate. Casino owners like Las Vegas Sands who have gone ahead with preparations to add table games will soon be rewarded -- but not until endless legislative machinations play out. House Democrats appear to be backing off a 34% tax rate for tables (J.P. Morgan reports that leadership is now floating a 21% figure) and may even come down to the 12% rate favored by their GOP colleagues. The $10 million upfront fee, though, appears to be a done deal.

All that said, solons managed to spend much of a special weekend session dickering over matters that ought to be none of their business. Like: Should casinos be allowed to serve free drinks to their patrons? Or: Can they operate on Christmas? Now, nothing sounds more depressing than spending Christmas Day at Harrah's Chester, but aren't these matters that ought to be the prerogative of the individual casino owner? Also, ostensibly pro-business Republicans wanted to put table games before the voters, which could render the whole legislative exercise moot ... and relief can't come soon enough for racinos like Penn National Gaming's Hollywood Casino, which is starting to slash its payroll.

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... says the Motley Fool, in essence. Even Borgata, which posted a higher operating profit year/year, is deemed merely to suck less than everybody else. I'm not sure I'm with the Fools on this one. For instance, shouldn't Sands Bethlehem be doing better than fifth among Pennsylvania casinos, especially when you consider its proximity to New York City?

Elsewhere on the Boardwalk, the UAW is fighting Trump Plaza, the Plaza is fighting the National Labor Relations Board and Trump dealers are fighting amongst themselves. Since 32% of dealers initially voted against UAW representation, it should be a cinch to round up 30% to sign a decertification petition. Kudos to Trump Entertainment Resorts CEO Mark Juliano for going out of his way to soothe potential animosity between labor and management.

MILF convention in A.C.: On Oct. 3, former Bunnies and other veterans of the short-lived Playboy Hotel & Casino will return to the shore to relive the good old days. A few might even wriggle into their old Bunny costumes. Maybe a re-infusion of the Playboy brand is what Atlantic City needs. It can only help. Are you listening, Carl Icahn? Revel? Pinnacle Entertainment? Anybody?

Finally, a reason to visit Orlando ...

... or maybe not. And that dude from Scotland is in serious need of subtitles.

Resort-style casinos come to Colorado and doesn't Ameristar's new hotel look lovely? Now, if only somebody would build a mid-market property like this on the Strip. Why must average Americans settle for older, second-tier properties if they're to afford a Vegas vacation?

Health care reform + Internet gambling? Is it just me or is Sen. Ron Wyden (D-OR) onto something here? This may be just the carrot to dangle in front of legislators who still balk at allowing Americans to wager on the Web.

Creditors screwed again. How much is Greektown Casino worth? Is it the $725 million its creditors claim? Or the $540 million that Greektown asserts? Or maybe the lowball $485 million that lead bidder Tom Celani is willing to pay? Greektown's recent -- and well-publicized -- inroads into the market share of its Detroit rivals lend merit to the higher-end valuations. If the place was in the doghouse, I might sympathize with Celani (who's likely to boot the very management team responsible for Greektown's turnaround), but Fine Point Group has definitely enhanced a once-seedy casino's value.

It's official. VIP-player commissions in Macao will be capped. Since the war over junketeer commissions was threatening to make Macao a negative-revenue proposition, the new ceiling will greatly improve cash flow for Macanese operators. Middle-of-the-pack Galaxy Entertainment is expected to benefit the most (+27% EBITDA), followed at some distance by Stanley Ho (16%), with Las Vegas Sands and MGM Mirage bringing up the rear. Although the elderly Ho may be on his deathbed, he's lived long enough to broker peace in a potentially destructive situation where the only sure winners were the sought-after junket operators.

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Second-quarter results from Boyd Gaming and Ameristar Casinos gave continued reason to be sanguine about each company. Both reported profits (12 cents per share at Boyd, double that at Ameristar) and both missed their revenue targets by an aggregate of only $8 million. A whopping (27%) jump in Colorado revenues for Ameristar last month was additional reason for confidence, offsetting weakness in Kansas City.

Cost control was credited with helping Boyd's performance, as was much-better-than-expected cash flow at Borgata. The Las Vegas locals market also ran ahead of expectations in that regard, while downtown and the Midwest/South casinos lagged. Bankruptcy filing or no, Boyd maintains that it continues to be a suitor for Station Casinos. Oh, and keeping Echelon mothballed -- while the least expensive of alternatives -- isn't cheap, costing Boyd $3 million a month.

MGM Mirage has sent LVA a revised, official list of dates for the debut of the various bits and pieces of CityCenter. (Excepted, of course, is the Harmon[ini] which, as of last Wednesday, had no firmer opening date than "late 2010.") The openings are as follows:

Vdara (Dec. 1); Crystals (Dec. 3); Mandarin Oriental (Dec. 4); Aria (Dec. 16), while condo closings in Veer Towers are set to "begin in January." When MGM gave a CityCenter dog-and-pony show to the Nevada Hospitality & Lodging Association last week, the computer graphics still showed Baldwin's Bump at its original, 48-story height. Also, the bluish tint that denoted CityCenter's acreage, by quirk or design, extended to embrace the Cosmopolitan. A portent?

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A big thumbs-up to a casino company in Central City, Colo., for making its case to players not with vague claims but quantifiable facts. Famous Bonanza & Easy Street Casinos shared with its patrons Colorado Division of Gaming Statistics data that showed its dollar- and penny-slot holds were 3% and 7.3%, respectively.

The averages for Black Hawk, Colo., casinos in those denoms are 5.27% and 9.8%. Famous Bonanza is comfortably below the Central City averages of 3.8% and 9.5%, too. Anybody in Vegas or Atlantic City want to try this marketing gambit? It sounds like a winner to us. (Thank you to Raving Consulting for spreading the news about this splendid idea.)

Without referencing it directly CityLife Editor Steve Sebelius makes it clear why Mike Ensign's $96,000 hush-money payment to Doug Hampton and his two-timing wife could write finis to any further aspirations the elder Ensign has in the casino industry. Just try explaining this mess to the Kansas Lottery's casino commission and making it sound like a mere bagatelle.

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It's a race to Chapter 11 now, with Riviera Holdings in the lead. Its glandular-themed rival down the street is opting out of an interest payment and drawing down the last of its credit, never a promising sign. However, Riviera is forcing a confrontation with Wachovia Bank. Given a choice between hoarding cash on hand and making a $4 million interest payment, Riviera execs chose Door #1. That comes atop some scarifying 4Q08 numbers that included a $13 million loss, plus cash-flow declines of 64% on the Strip and 42% in Black Hawk, Colo. (Those newly enacted rule relaxations in Colorado can't come soon enough.)

Downward pressure on ADRs (not to mention 84% occupancy) and diminished convention trade (-28%) were blamed for the decision to conserve dollars. While the Riv recorded almost as much entertainment revenue as the year before, 27% of that took the form of comps to high-value players and thus came right back off the ledger.

The Riviera's appeal is not likely to be enhanced by the announcement it is renting out space to that bane of Strip visitors -- a timeshare company. "We have implemented and will continue to implement promotions to attract competing hotel customers to our property to enjoy our amenities," Riviera adds. Just don't order the powdered eggs, OK?

Station Casinos, meanwhile, closes the book on a poor-to-awful 2008. Cash flow was below $100 million for the fourth quarter, further underlining how overvalued the company's LBO price was.

No more sports betting ... at least not until football season at Bally's. What the hell. You can't bet on a Boston Celtics game there anyway.

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After a statewide vote approved 'round-the-clock operation at Colorado's non-tribal casinos (along with a 20X increase in betting limits and a wider repertory of games), the measure wasn't home and dry. It had to be voted through in Cripple Creek, Black Hawk and Central City. I heard some skepticism voiced about whether the citizens of Central City were on board with a gambling expansion but they sure were. The proposed liberalization racked up an overwhelming victory yesterday.

Don't gas up for a drive to Colorado just now. The widened operating rules don't kick in until July 1. Although neither Ameristar Casinos nor Riviera Holdings is directly affected by the Central City vote, Wall Street finally got a clue as both stocks traded slightly upward today. Ditto Penn National but not Isle of Capri. Congratulations to all Colorado operators, who definitely could use the relief.

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"For a casino worker, every day breathing second-hand smoke in the workplace is one too many. Everyone has the right to breathe smoke-free air -- regardless of the color of their collar." -- Americans for Nonsmokers Rights Executive Director Cynthia Hallett, reacting to a resolution passed by the National Council of Legislators from Gaming States. The NCLGS resolution urges constitutent states to make all gambling venues smoke-free workplaces and that smokeless gambling be a mandatory part of future tribal-state compacts. States that require smoke-free casinos are, at present, Illinois, Colorado and Delaware.

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"[T]he fact that he's from a somewhat Western state is good." -- a congressional spokesman, reacting to the nomination of Sen. Ken Salazar to head the Interior Department. Salazar is from the "somewhat" (but apparently not very) Western state of ... Colorado.

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Maybe you saw that B-roll of Sen. John McCain hitting the road in an emerald SUV yesterday, with Sen. Lindsey Graham riding shotgun, ostensibly en route to planning "legislative initiatives." (I couldn't find the footage in that "series of tubes" that Alaska's most famous felon otherwise knows as "the Internet"; sorry about that.)

Uh-huh.

An S&G listening device had been implanted in the aforesaid emerald-colored car. Now, since S&G is a no-frills operation, our bug quickly fritzed out. But the following fragments of conversation were salvaged via a painstaking process Wayne Brady would call "making #%it up." Here's what we were able to piece together:

"Craps ... legalized ... Colorado ... new casino in Cripple Creek ... where the [inaudible] is that? ... Move over, Stanley "Golden Arm" Fujitake: It's game on!"

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JP Morgan has proclaimed Pinnacle Entertainment "the biggest winner this election day." By voting to both lift the cap on buy-ins and the close Missouri to additional casinos, Show-Me State voters delivered a gift to Pinnacle CEO Dan Lee, who has massively invested in the greater St. Louis market and can now reap the benefits of higher wagers and artificially limited competition. Anybody contemplating the investment risk that Pinnacle has been lately (with at least $2.85 billion in outstanding projects) can sleep a little more soundly tonight.

But, as Morgan analysts point out, the stomping of a pro-casino initiative in Ohio redounds to the benefit of Pinnacle's Belterra casino (and Penn National's Argosy Lawrenceburg riverboat). While the Ohio vote reflects a certain amount of anti-casino sentiment, this was one of those ballot measures where the devil was in the details. It polled well in the immediate region, which has been hard-hit with job losses (5,000 of which casino backers promised to replace) but it was "no sale" upstate. An otherwise leftward-trending electorate was unpersuaded.

Specifically, there was a "trap door" in the enabling language that might have let Lakes Entertainment slip its tax obligations if tribal casinos open in the Buckeye State (a long shot, but one voters weren't willing to hazard), not to mention that the casino was to be allowed to operate with scant oversight. Oh, and the license fee ($15 million) wasn't chicken feed, but it's considerably less than what casinos are ponying up elsewhere -- like Kansas -- where no monopolies are promised. The face-saving spin was that "misleading ads" were to blame -- like that's anything new in politics.

Details were the bane in Maine, too, where Olympia Gaming found itself on the losing end of a casino plebiscite. Maine voters have taken a go-slow approach to casino expansion in their state, also voting down a racino at Scarborough Downs. There also seems to have been some "payback" involved -- from Down Easters who had seen their own casino aspirations crushed five years ago. If they couldn't have a casino, those upstart resort communities were going to be SOL, too. So there!

Pat LaMarche expresses her considered opinion of Maine's electoral process.

Lowering the legal gambing age to 19 stuck in voters' craw, as did certain other special privileges which were to be extended to the Oxford County casino and to Gary Goett's Olympia. Project booster Pat LaMarche sniffed that folks in Maine were "very unfriendly" and says she's going to take her ball and LaMarche right next door to New Hampshire.

On the other hand, LaMarche is the bete noire of intolerant religious wack jobs, so that's something in her favor.

Having a win/win day, was also the good fortune of Ameristar Casinos, which will see some relief in Colorado, in addition to prevailing in Missouri. In return for helping the state's community-college system, Colorado casinos get some new goodies that -- we hope -- will ameliorate the effects of the state's smoking ban.

It's a mixed bag, albeit more positive than negative, for Penn National. It headed off the Ohio threat but finds its flagship property in West Virginia facing competitive pressure not only from Pennsylvania but soon from Maryland, even though the latter's ramp-up is roughly four years away. Penn astutely protected its flank by optioning strategically placed real estate near Baltimore, in its first move after its LBO imploded last summer.

(Amusingly, both sides in the Maryland fight used President-elect Obama as a "product placement" in their literature. They knew a good "branding opportunity" when they saw one.)

Hopefully the Maryland Lege will revisit (read: reduce) the confiscatory 67% tax rate. Otherwise, brace yourself for Ye Olde Shack O'Slots, as no sane businessman would invest heavily in a casino with such a narrow operating margin. By establishing a Maryland beachhead, Penn is probably thinking more in terms of capturing "leakage" from its other nearby properties, not having visions of $$$ dancing in its head.

Former governor, sometime racino proponent and "Casino Jack" Abramoff beneficiary Robert Leroy "Bob" Ehrlich Jr. (R) hoped to "see us kill this turkey," but that sounds like sour grapes from the one-term blunder, er, wonder. Gov. Martin O'Malley (D) moved the ball across the goal line with 59% support, whereas Ehrlich couldn't get it upfield in four tries -- even in the post-9/11 economy. It may nearly be Thanksgiving but the only turkey in sight is Ehrlich (or is that a thinly disguised Steve Carell?)

Speaking of "Casino Jack", add him to the "losers" column of our S&G "Winners & Losers" with a capital "L." From the jailhouse, convicted felon Abramoff tried to 'Swift Boat' his archnemesis, John McCain, but the effort sank without leaving the pier. What a schlemil.

Loose change: Voters also gave their assent to a lottery in Arkansas and expanded table games at Greenbrier Resort in West Virginia. So I'd score that as two lost battles (Ohio, Maine), one decisive victory (Maryland) and incremental wins in four other skirmishes.

On balance, a good day.

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