My Response
Posted At : July 12, 2009 10:02 PM | Posted By : J Scott
Related Categories:
Comments,Ethics
Okay, I can’t delay any longer in responding to the many comments about my July 6th blog entry.
I wish I had stuck to my report on the Hard Rock pool party and not mentioned rape because it did not clearly or accurately reflect my real feelings and beliefs. I am sincerely sympathetic to rape victims. I know rape is usually a crime of violence and power, not a sexual one, and the victim is not to blamed for any reason.
However, I feel there a type of sexual encounter, especially among young people, where the female is giving out all sorts of “Yes” messages by her actions right up to a certain “hot” point that the male can’t pull back when she suddenly says, “No.” Is that rape or consensual sex? Or, is there something in-between?
I appreciated everyone’s input, no matter what the views were. It was pointed out that many of the girls at the Hard Rock pool party are “professional” girls, many who work at strip clubs in the city, and their reputations weren’t at stake. Some pointed out that every generation has shocked their elders - and that there were ambulances at Woodstock. In fact, my sister gently reminded me that all of us have sowed some wild oats and that some of my actions when I was younger would have shocked our parents if they had known about them! Then there was one very smart wag, trying to get on the good side of me, that tried to convince me that the Rehab pool party was really a frugal option for him. So much free merchandise that one didn’t need to go and pay at the Chicken Ranch.
There was much discussion about risk and blame. I liked this one from a poster on vpFREE: Consider these other scenarios - you walk down the street by yourself in a bad part of the city flashing a lot of expensive jewelry. If somebody robs you, people would certainly say you were asking for it. Does it mean that it was OK for the person to rob you? Of course not - it is morally and legally wrong. But do you deserve some of the blame? I think so. Would you park somewhere, leave your windows down and your purse on the front seat? If you did and the purse was gone when you came back, would you deserve some of the blame? Again, it doesn't excuse the criminal action at all - whether it's rape (which granted is much more personal and traumatic than many other crimes) or any other violation, the person committing the act is undeniably wrong. But there are things that we all do to try to decrease the chances of something bad happening to us.
Ah, so many viewpoints about the same subject.
I think it might reveal more accurately some of my true feelings if I give you here the advice I would give my beautiful 15-year-old granddaughter:
1. Don’t dress in a way that will flaunt your body. You want to attract a boy who is drawn to your charming personality as well as your beautiful body.
2. Don’t put yourself in risky situations. Don’t go alone to a hotel room or an apartment with someone you don’t know well. This is no time to be naïve!
3. Be very careful about drinks at a party. It is a popular “trick” to add the “date rape” drug. Choose sealed bottles or cans and guard them while you drink.
4. Remember that boys have all sorts of lines to get a girl to go to bed with them. Don’t fall for them, even if they include the word “love.”
5. Don’t lead a boy on, with encouraging sexy actions for so long, that when you want to say “No,” he will find it difficult or impossible to accept that “No.” (And I will give your teenage brother the same advice – stop before your girl’s “Yes’s” become so tempting that you will not be able to control your actions if she suddenly says “No!”)
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