4/1/2005
Nope, we don’t quit at 2:30 p.m., even if we are now winners.
2:46 p.m. Brad is dealt 4-of-a-kind. “”It seems like I just can’t improve these hands.”” I remind him of something he already knows — that you only improve one time in 12 hands even if you get them on average — which you rarely do. Streakiness is the name of the game in everything about video poker.
2:50 p.m. The tiny timer in my purse buzzes. I remind Brad it’s time to take his cholesterol-lowering medication.
2:56 p.m. Someone in our row gets a royal. We’re happy for him, of course, but it’s hard not to be a little jealous.
3:00 p.m. Brad throws away a trash hand — and gets a dirty royal (one “”ruined”” by a deuce) on one hand on the redeal. He gripes, “”Why couldn’t this darn machine have given me one on the first deal?”” He’s getting a little cranky, since he’s now lost all of his deuce-jackpot credits and half of his stake.
3:30 p.m. We put on jackets; the Arctic wind has started. And we trade machines so I can get away from a smoker beside me. Smoke doesn’t bother Brad as much as it does me. We’re now down $700.
3:35 p.m. I hit 4 deuces on “”Brad’s”” machine and we’re now up $400.
3:45 p.m. Brad hits 4 deuces on “”my”” machine. We’re up $895.
4:30 p.m. I decide to take a break and go outside to get some fresh air. When I come back in a half-hour, I find we’re now down $500. So what’s new? It’s always a roller-coaster ride.
5:30 p.m. Brad takes a break, going to the race and sports book to look up some scores and watch a couple of horse races. He was a frequent visitor to Kentucky racetracks before he discovered casinos. He rarely puts any money on a horse anymore, but he likes to watch them run!
5:50 p.m. Brad returns and gets dealt four to a royal, always a hopeful time for us. But as mostly happens, the magic card does not show. One always expects too much “”luck”” when playing multi-line. We’re down $600.
6:05 p.m. Brad holds 3 cards to a royal. He’s hoping for at least a dirty royal. And wonder of wonders, a “”real”” royal appears on one line. Immediately, the machine so kindly pops up with a do-you-want-to-double-your win notice. Brad quickly looks for the I-don’t-think-so button! We’re $3,200 up — and life is good. Now’s the time to take a break and have dinner and celebrate. We ask for a comp to the buffet, which our host gives to us cheerfully.
7:00 p.m. Back from dinner, feeling refreshed, we go back to “”work.”” We start feeding our profits into the machine, which suddenly has a ravenous appetite.
8:30 p.m. We’re now up only $2,200. One always hates to lose profit, but we look at the long term and this is still a good play and we aren’t tired. So we plod on.
9:20 p.m. Brad holds 2 deuces and catches 2 more on one line.
9:35 p.m. Brad is on a roll: He holds one deuce and surprises himself with 3 more on one line.
9:50 p.m. He does it again — turns one deuce into 4.
10:00 p.m. We’re getting tired, although we’re feeling heady from Brad’s jackpot streak. We count the profit in our pocket and the credits on our machines and find we’re exactly $4,000 ahead. Plus, we’ll collect $1,200 in slot club cashback. It’s time for us to quit. The promotion lasts two more hours and we want to play longer, but the quit messages from our tired brains and weary bodies are too strong. When you’re risking $25 a hand, you want to be at your best physically and mentally so you can play accurately.
So we cash out and drive home, two tired but happy promotion puppies.
Next week I’ll talk about how we would do things differently if this same promotion were this week. You can test yourself to see how many differences you found.
4/8/2005
For the last two weeks, I’ve talked about a promotion we did several years ago. I stated that our playing routine was quite a bit different then than it is now.
Some concepts haven’t changed. We still make a special effort to play a promotion like this with a good EV, especially since there aren’t quite as many opportunities as there used to be. We still bunch activities when we’re out driving around town — doing personal chores, eating out, picking up bounce-back cash, and playing video poker. We rarely go out to do only one thing. And I still enjoy using coupons, although I’m more selective and coupon only when it’s easy.
It’s also still cold and drafty in the majority of casinos, so we take sweaters or jackets with us no matter the temperature outside. We continue to take short breaks to go outside and get some fresh air (or warm up). We often break up a session with a long break to eat a meal. And video poker is still a roller coaster, emotionally and financially!
Now for the differences. I’ve finally developed some sense and do not stay up at my computer until two in the morning. I’m usually in bed by 11:30 p.m., so I can get up earlier in the morning to process my still-heavy e-mail load. That never seems to decrease!
The biggest difference is that we no longer play such long sessions. Even with frequent short breaks outside in the fresh air and longer breaks to enjoy a meal, our usual limit is about three hours of play in one day. We just don’t have the energy we used to have, and no stamina for marathon playing sessions. Plus, especially since Brad’s heart attack, neither of us can take the smoke for long periods. So we probably would not have gone back to playing after dinner. Savoring the sweet taste from Brad’s royal, we would have enjoyed a relaxing and smoke-free evening in our own living room.
One characteristic of a wise gambler is that he/she needs to be flexible. We’ve had to make adjustments as we grow older, particularly because of health factors. And many of our friends are thinking about the health factor too, even though they’re younger. But there are other areas where adjustments will have to be made. Video poker players may have to learn new games, when their old favorites disappear. We never visit some casinos where we used to spend a lot of time playing, because of changes in game inventory or slot club benefits. Out-of-towners may have to change casinos to find one that will comp their rooms easier.
The name of the casino game is “change.”
4/15/2005
Last October, I wrote a couple of columns discussing the importance of a balanced life for a gambler. Most professional players, gaming writers, or anyone who spends a lot of time in casinos will tell you that they have (or want to have) many meaningful interests and relationships that are totally separate from the casino world.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot during the last few months, as Brad’s and my casino activity has taken a backseat in importance to “real-life” issues, regrettably a lot of them medical-related. My false-alarm “heart attack” I told you about a few months ago was finally diagnosed as an esophagus problem. An endoscopy found that a web-like growth was causing a major blockage. At that time a stretching procedure was done to try to rectify this. Time will tell if more will have to be done. The best news was that all tests came back negative for malignancy.
I’ve also been concerned with medical problems in my family. My younger sister, Starr, has developed some medical problems serious enough that she had to give up her law practice. She recently spent two weeks in Vegas with us and we were so happy to give her a chance for some much needed R+R. My 90-year-old father has been going downhill for a couple of years with Alzheimer’s, but my stepmother had been able to keep him at home. Recently, however, he developed several medical problems, was hospitalized, and is now in an acute-care nursing facility. We three sisters are helping our stepmother make some difficult end-of-life decisions.
I’m not complaining here. I’m just trying to give you readers, whom I also consider my friends, an accurate picture of our life in Vegas. Because I mainly write about gambling and Vegas, some people think we have this carefree glamorous life, spending every day in exciting casinos doing exciting things. We do have a wonderful life and sometimes it has a fairy-tale aura. But it’s still real life – with all that real life entails, the joy and the sorrow, whether you live in a big city of garish glitz or a small town of comfortable ordinariness.
One last personal note: How time flies! I can’t believe I started writing this column five years ago this month. I’ve often threatened to stop – and I did once! Lasted about two weeks, I think. I did take a four-week vacation another time. And periodically, friends have taken pity on me and provided guest columns.
How long will I continue? Who knows? I may be addicted and can’t stop until I no longer have a rational thought in my head and my fingers are no longer able to navigate around a keyboard.
4/22/2005
Typically, I run a guest column when Brad and I are out of town, entertaining out-of-town visitors, participating in a time-consuming promotion, feeling under the weather, or just too cranky to think of anything pithy. But this week, I can’t claim any of the usual excuses. I’m running this guest column simply because it’s so funny and true. Enjoy.
THE MOST COMMON CASINO MISTAKES
By John (Lodestone) Kelly
After reading what I usually write about casinos, you might get the idea that I think casinos are run by inbred imbeciles who only got their jobs because they happen to be a blood relative of some well-connected uncle. This is not true. Many of these relatives are in-laws who are not genetically related. But because I’m a compassionate person, I hereby offer some kind words of advice to lend a helping hand for the education and edification of these lost casino-management souls. I use small words when possible.
We’re Old, It’s Cold
Although the temperature maintained in most casinos is about right for winter-wear, summers in Las Vegas routinely reach 110 degrees or higher. That’s why we customers are inclined to show up wearing shorts and sandals. You, on the other hand, are dressed for work, wearing three-piece suits. You’re also running around a lot, yelling at your employees and sucking up to high rollers. This tends to keep you warm, so the temperature feels right to you. Furthermore, you’re young, and most of us are old. We prefer things a little warmer, especially when the only calorie-burning activity we’re performing is moving our fingers. It’s drafty in here, sonny. We’re not wearing your casino logo jackets in July to show our loyalty. There’s something seriously wrong when our reaction upon exiting the casino and entering the mid-day blast furnace of the great outdoors is “AHHHH!!!” Try saving a few hundred thousand dollars a month on your electric bill by edging up the thermostat a few degrees.
Ergonomics and Economics
I know your bean-counting cousin figured out that you could cram half-again as many upright machines into your casino as you can slant-tops, and your nephew cites some article on ergonomics that he saw in Tiger Beat that indicates sitting upright is the best way to play video games. But in reality, nobody likes uprights. The stress on our back, shoulders, wrists, and butt is considerable when playing for more than a couple of minutes. There’s something amiss when you spy prim and proper grandmas with their feet planted up on the counter and their legs splayed up and apart like they’re at the OB-GYN’s office, in a vain attempt to get comfortable. Also, while we realize that bolting the chairs to the machine keeps them neat and tidy in pretty rows, no person in his or her right mind designs seating like this. Your customers come in all shapes and sizes. Allow them to place the chair where they want it.
Lines: Our EV Is 100%; Our Enjoyment is Zero
While lines are somewhat inevitable in establishments that draw as many people as casinos and some casinos have made great strides in remedying this situation, long mind-numbing vacation-ruining family-fighting lines still abound. While long lines of bored patrons reassure your boss that you’re successfully packing your casino with customers, if you observe carefully, you’ll note that none of these customers are doing anything that profits the casino in any way. They’re not playing any machines. They’re not seeing any shows. They’re not buying anything in the stores. And when they finally get their starving carcasses into that *$!@&# buffet, they’re going to eat you out of kitchen and coffer. This ain’t Disneyland, where they’ve already got the customer’s money and could care less how they spend the rest of their day. You need these people busy and emptying their pockets, not bored and wondering why the hell they came. Do what ya gotta do: Create comp lines, hire more cashiers, raise prices, whatever. It’s sinful to keep cust”
4/29/2005 “How’s this for frugal? McDonald’s celebrated its 50th birthday a couple of weeks ago and we took advantage of a special they ran in the food court at a nearby mall: hamburger, fries, and milkshake combo at the price they charged in 1955 – a big 45 cents! Of course, we could have gotten it free at the Palms store, using points, but not bad for a non-comped meal!
A research project at Yale University finding that recreational gamblers 65 and older seem to be healthier than non-gamblers has received a lot of press. I have another take on this subject, thinking about all the wheelchairs, walkers, and oxygen tanks I see in casinos. We senior gamblers just don’t let medical problems keep us down.
Continuing on the subject of research, studies suggest food variety causes people to eat more. Hey, we Vegas locals have known that for a long time. Many people who move here gain weight the first year or so – until they learn that there will be another buffet, with just as much food, the next day!
I haven’t seen any of these in casinos yet, but I saw them advertised in a magazine for people in the casino industry. They’re bilingual (Spanish/English) video slot machines called Used Cars. Just my opinion, but doesn’t this seem politically incorrect?
Some tips for Southwest Airlines passengers:
* A new and very welcome change – multiple customers who are traveling on the same reservation can now check in online and request their boarding passes.
* Why should you get a boarding pass online in advance if you’re checking baggage and could get one at that time? You can check in online beginning at 12:01 a.m. local time on the day of departure and the earlier you check in, the more likely you will be assigned to the A boarding category and have a better choice of seats.
* Are you out of luck for checking in early online because you’re in a hotel room with no computer and printer? Try asking – sweetly, of course – at the hotel front desk if they can do this for you. Many have found this a successful technique, especially if you choose a slower time when there aren’t long lines.
Dear Abby tackles a knotty gambling problem: “If a gentleman asks a lady to accompany him to a casino and gives her money to gamble, is it proper for him to insist that she split her winnings with him?” Her sensible answer: “Considering the fact that your date advanced the money that brought you the windfall, I’d say you are 100% ahead of where you would be had he not been so generous. You may feel offended at his sense of entitlement, but a lady would have offered to share.”
One last reminder about the Gambler’s Jamboree at Casino Windsor, just across the border from Detroit, May 21 and 22. Go to http://www.FrugalGambler.biz and click on Calendar for all the details, including discounts if you mention when you register that the Frugal Gambler sent you. Brad and I are looking forward to being able to chat with fellow frugal fans.