VP played properly is an effort, slots are never an effort, a drunk chimp has the same odds at slots and sometimes I like being that drunk chimp!

1. Find a machine with a fun bonus game, like the various iterations of Monopoly, or one based on a TV show or movie that you like. Ideally, this will be a new machine, as many slot managers initially set the returns on new machines to the loosest possible to encourage play (and tighten them up later). Often, the better return is generated by more frequent bonus games. If you watch some people playing a “theme” slot and they seem to be getting the bonus frequently, that’s a good indication that the game may be fairly loose. (The sundry variations of “Gold Fish” are a good example of a frequent bonus game slot–I have a blast playing them.)

2. You should play the minimum amount to be eligible for the bonus game. This will usually be thirty to fifty cents. It will more often than not be maximum lines at one coin per line plus the amount to pay for the bonus. Do NOT, EVER, play more coins per line than this! These machines make a lot of money from people who wind up playing $3 or $5 a spin (often on a “penny” slot!).

3. Your goal is to draw out your play and have fun. Though you are primarily rated on coin-in, time on the machine often counts as well. Don’t bang away at the machine like a woodpecker on speed. Pause often, chat with your fellow players, stop to watch them play their bonus games, and play your own bonus games slowly and with a sense of suspense and fun. Order drinks!–after all, unlike with video poker, getting a little tipsy can’t affect how well you play (as long as you continue to stick to small bets).

5. You will play about ten spins a minute, slowed down by the bonus game(s) (during which you will not be playing any additional money). Call it about 500 spins an hour. If you are playing fifty cents a spin, that’s $250.00 coin-in; thirty cents a spin, $150.00. Penny/nickel slots in Vegas return about 90% (with locals’ casinos giving back more like 92%). So your expected loss is about $15-25/hour. But:

6. You earn players’ club points. Unlike with VP, you aren’t scrutinized and penalized for playing on multiple-point days. If you, for instance, play on a 10x point day at a casino that normally offers 0.1% points, then you are getting a 1% rebate. Multiple-point days are plentiful at Boyd and Stations properties, among others.

7. If you’re losing $15 an hour, having fun, slurping down a free drink every half hour or so, and earning a few bucks in comps, how much are you really losing?

I want to reiterate that it’s never taken me more than $200 or so worth of play to generate some very worthwhile offers as well as to improve the offers I get from casinos where I previously played only VP. After all, the casinos’ computers examine my play and determine that I’m worth $25 an hour to them–that’s several hundred dollars in a weekend! (I will confound that, of course, by only playing penny slots for an hour or so and playing VP the rest of the time–but even then, my value to the casino will be overrated due to the algorithms the casinos use.)

(It’s sobering to think of how much blood the players who play maximum coin on those machines are shedding. A max-coin penny slot player is worth more to the casino than someone playing blackjack at $50 a hand!!!)