About the Elder Wisdom Circle

This article is not about video poker. It is about a worthwhile organization for which I volunteer.

The Elder Wisdom Circle is made up of age-60-and-older volunteers. People of any age write in questions and some 600 of us who are volunteers do our best to answer those questions through cyberspace. Questions can be about relationships, career, family, how-to, self-help, etc. Elders are not allowed to offer medical, legal, or financial advice. The answers are sort of like what you’d get from an interested grandparent.

Whether you wish to ask a question or perhaps consider volunteering, the Internet address is www.elderwisdomcircle.org.

As you probably know, for the past couple of decades I’ve been trying to extract money from casinos and teaching others to do the same. During this process, I’ve gotten LOTS of questions such as:

1. When do I change machines?

2. What’s the best game for me to learn?

3. Why does the computer program sometimes say to hold a suited KQJ and sometimes KK on what appears to be the same hand?

4. Are machines at Indian casinos fair?

5. My hard drive crashed. How do I get Video Poker for Winners re-installed?

I’m pretty good at answering those questions, but I’ve been asked each of them hundreds of times. The questions I’ve answered recently as an Elder are quite different. Although there is more to the questions than I’m sharing here, the subject matters of them have been:

1. I have a crush on this guy and he’s ignoring me. What should I do?

2. I found porn on my fiancé’s laptop and I wonder if I should call off the wedding?

3. Should I get back with my ex even though he still doesn’t like my kids?

4. This girl seduced me and left me but I still love her. Is this a lost cause?

5. I think I’ve found “the one,” but my life is chaotic right now? Should I let him know anyway or wait until my life is more stable?

(I’ve yet to see a question about gambling or square dancing. I’d be REALLY good at answering those!)

These are different types of problems than the gambing-related ones that I usually try to address. At the same time, I’m 65 years old, been married more than once, been successful at some jobs and fired from others, experienced the death of several friends and relatives, and have likely picked up some school-of-hard-knocks very-painful-to-come-by wisdom along the way. I actually enjoy the fact that somebody values this wisdom.

To be an Elder, you need to be able to compose your email answers in complete, grammatically-correct sentences. This is not a problem for me, but for some folks that might be, especially if English is not their first language. Your answers are subject to a sort of peer review before they are sent on. I’ve had one of my answers returned to me for fixing. At the time it ticked me off that what I had originally composed wasn’t deemed acceptable. I had to choose between re-writing my answer per the suggestions or sending the question back into the queue and letting some other Elder take a crack at it. (I chose to re-write…but it was a close decision).

Part of the application to become an Elder is to answer two “typical” questions to see if you are competent at this. One of the questions related to a woman was worried about the future of her marriage because both she and her husband were working long hours to make sure their kids got the best of everything — and she felt she and her husband had become more like business partner than spouses. What should they do? This is a question I would normally avoid because I’ve never been a parent so I don’t feel my level of wisdom on parenting matters is very high. But answering this question was a prerequisite so I gave it a shot.

Elders commit to answering six or more questions per month, but they get to pick and choose which ones to address. I avoid “how to fix my car” questions, questions about what education certificates to get in other countries, and other topics where I have no particular insight to offer nor real-world experience to pass on. I hated it when my father “spouted platitudes” at me when he had no clue as to the real nature of my problem, and I refuse to do the same to others.

This is my way of keeping in touch with young people. In my regular life, I usually only speak with adults. And most of them qualify for a senior discount. Some of the slang used in the questions I answer is new to me. I didn’t know, for example, that adding “jk” to the end of your text means you are “just kidding.” I personally have never worried about whether somebody is going to ‘friend’ me or not on Facebook; however, I now understand how that can matter to someone and I can share some strategies that might help with that problem.

Similarly, all of my dating experience was done without texting and without tweeting. (I didn’t even own a cell phone when Shirley and I were courting.) Some things have changed but many things are the same. If I don’t want my Elder responses to sound completely fuddy-duddy I need to at least be aware of these things and take them into account. A lot of folks my age can’t be bothered with these new-fangled things. Forcing myself to do this gives me a leg up on others my age. As an actor might say, “I’m actually 65 but I can easily pass for 64.”

Being a gambling expert actually helps me be an effective Elder. In gambling you frequently need to determine what kind of information you need in order to succeed in a particular situation and figure out ways to obtain that information. And frequently you need to make the best decision possible when you have incomplete information. Those are exactly the same skills that are needed to solve many of the problems presented to the Elders.

I suspect being an Elder adds more to my life than it does to the people who send in the questions. It wouldn’t surprise me, though, if the people sending in the questions were sure they were getting the better deal.