{"id":120180,"date":"2019-10-08T09:13:57","date_gmt":"2019-10-08T16:13:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lasvegasadvisor.com\/gambling-with-an-edge\/?p=120180"},"modified":"2019-10-08T09:14:05","modified_gmt":"2019-10-08T16:14:05","slug":"when-the-time-comes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lasvegasadvisor.com\/gambling-with-an-edge\/when-the-time-comes\/","title":{"rendered":"When the Time Comes"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bonnie and I were in the congregation at a memorial service for a lady we knew from square dancing who had just passed away. One of the quotations that was meaningful to the deceased was an Audrey Hepburn quotation that said, \u201cHappy girls are the prettiest.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was unfamiliar with that quotation, but I realized that it was appropriate for my wife Bonnie as well. Bonnie\u2019s overall happiness is one of her most attractive qualities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The minister who led the service said a few things, but he didn\u2019t have a lot to work with. He didn\u2019t know the lady and her husband was so distraught that he couldn\u2019t help much. Fortunately, the minister asked members of the congregation to stand up and say something and several of us did so impromptu. It struck me that the service could have been so much better if preparations had been made earlier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I got home, I started two separate lists: things that should be said at Bonnie\u2019s memorial service and things that should be said at mine. If I\u2019m able to create and add to both lists until the time they are needed, these will surely make for better services. If I\u2019m still a competent speaker when Bonnie dies, I\u2019ll likely lead the secular part of the service myself. If I\u2019m not competent at the time, my lists will be a treasure trove for whomever does lead that service.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The question is never \u201cif we die,\u201d but rather \u201cwhen.\u201d Bonnie and I are both in our seventies so we likely have less time remaining than most of my readers, but everyone\u2019s time will come eventually. Perhaps we all should be making such lists.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bonnie is taking this exercise as a good idea and doesn\u2019t view it as morbid or me \u201cthinking about getting rid of her.\u201d This is a good thing. If we both participate in this project, so much the better. Bonnie has mentioned several things that should go on each of the two lists. Also, a number of \u201cDon\u2019t you dare tell them about that time when xxx.\u201d I tease her that she\u2019ll be gone at that time and whomever the speaker is (namely me, hypothetically at least) will have the last word. Most of the time, of course, I keep the secrets she wants me to keep. But there are some that I think the world should know and while she\u2019d be too embarrassed to have them told in front of her, I believe others will appreciate hearing them. I will have the last word, but it will be said lovingly with a sense of humor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For my service, Bonnie will not be the speaker. That\u2019s just not something she\u2019s comfortable doing. I have a brother who could do a good job, as well as a few friends. (Richard Munchkin is a name you\u2019ve heard of who might be one of the possibilities. I have other friends who are also good speakers. A list of people who could do a good job is part of what I\u2019m preparing. I believe the most interesting memorial services are led by someone who knew the deceased well.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Right now, the lists are simply growing. For Bonnie, it now includes the Hepburn quote, our first argument (which is a cute story), a whole lot about her life before we met including the first time I met her now-deceased husband, how she learned to dance at age 70, and a whole lot more. My list includes many gambling stories, of course, but there are a lot of other things that have happened to me unrelated to gambling.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no such thing, at this point, of having too long a list. It\u2019s relatively easy to pick and choose among such a list and come up with a speech of any desired length. It\u2019s much easier to shorten the list when you have an abundance of possibilities than it is to make up relevant stuff when you have no idea. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A separate list that will be included in each of these files will be people who are important to us and we feel deserve to be acknowledged as major influences in our life. Since we\u2019re both septuagenarians, many of these heroes are dead. But many aren\u2019t. This list of people will create reminders to have conversations with these people acknowledging how we feel. Some of the people on the list know how we feel — but some don\u2019t. Figuring out what to say and going ahead and saying it to some of these people will be a nourishing activity on both sides. Without actively trying to figure out who goes on this list, many people will be forgotten until it\u2019s too late. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Somewhat of a surprise, this exercise (which is continuing) is uplifting. It gives Bonnie and me both thoughts of, \u201cMaybe I made a difference\u201d and \u201cThis is how I can make an additional difference in my remaining time.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know this column has nothing to do with gambling — but sometimes I feel the need to try to inspire others. That was my goal today.
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