D’ya remember that Flava Flav restaurant venture, just off “Crack Alley,” that sounded “too crazy to be true“? Nah, me neither. It quietly went bust earlier this year. Well, now the “aging reality TV star” is in a different sort of bust, accused of — among things — pursuing his prospective stepson, knives in hand. The former William Jonathan Drayton Jr. won’t need a big clock to know what time it is: It’s jail time! Most of Mr. Flav’s previous interactions with the local constabulary were of a petty nature: over-loud Independence Day fireworks, stuff like that.
But to be accused of felonious assault, that’s moving up into the big leagues — or high minor leagues, anyway — of crime. But don’t feel too bad for Mr. Flav, whose wares are currently on offer at Planet Hollywood‘s Miracle Mall: He was able to post a $23K bond and I’m sure his suburban Vegas neighborhood is feeling safer than ever.
Hit men offing inconvenient spouses and informants is nothing new in Sin City. However, the recent murder conspiracy (allegedly) cooked up between firefighter George Tiaffay and his homeless pal Noel Stevens is exceptional in 
its brutality — too savage to be described here — and ineptitude. Around here, $600 buys you somebody who can’t keep their mouth shut and leaves his DNA at the crime scene. (As soon as I read “vodka had been consumed from a bottle in the refrigerator,” I knew Stevens was toast.) Palms Resort Casino employees have good cause to mourn the loss of their colleague, Shauna Tiaffay, who sounds like just the sort of person you’d want to hire. Whoever is responsible for the horrific crime deserves to fry, and I hope they do.
Rounding out our mini-survey of dead-enders in Las Vegas are two University of California-Berkeley douchebags whose idea of a good time was 
to kill exotic animals. Not just any old exotic animals, either, but a Helmeted Guinea Fowl, right in the middle of the wildlife sanctuary at the Flamingo Las Vegas. Given the degree of investment casinos make into surveillance, that’s sort of like setting fire to a homeless man in Times Square and expecting to beat the rap. Eric Cuellar (left) and Justin Teixeira claimed to be law students, and they’re about to receive advanced studies, that much is for sure. (They look criminally stupid, too, but cannot be tried for cretinism.)
While there seems to have been a third sac du douche involved in the barbaric killing of “Turk,” Cuellar’s and Teixeira’s Boalt Hall bromantic partners are all, you might say, lawyering up. Fourteen grand got the douchey duo sprung from 
Metro’s clutches, though I’d be very much surprised if these pretty boys show up for trial. Fines will be probably be quietly paid and that’s the last we’ll hear of the matter. If California scumbags can afford bottle service — let alone $14,000 worth of bail — what’s the cost of a $175 bird to them? (Card counters would face a worse fate than these lowlifes do.) However, even if Teixeira (right) and Cuellar are indeed innocent of killing “Turk,” their alleged behavior toward hotel security would suggest their guilty as hell of a depraved indifference to life. The blandly indifferent expressions on their faces say it all.
I know a guy in town, used to be a mortgage broker, maybe he still is, but I doubt it, which in SoCal is an honorable profession, but in Vegas, it’s has about the same ethics as a Terry “Some people like to shoot dice for $500, others for $50” Allen fake brothel/clip joint.
Said mortgage broker, who had his own store, astutely told me over drinks, “I don’t understand why people who couldn’t make it (by hustling, stealing, whatever) in their home town, want to come here, where the shark tank is deeper and fiercer.
He’s 100% on the money. I’ve met a lot of great people here, but the a lot of Las Vegans are dumber than dirt.
Your typical Vegas subprime deal would be a felony anywhere else (predatory lending). Never saw so many deals done where borrower, who was invariably someone who could never put two quarters together, were paying 8-12 points to get a loan.
Enough said, right?
My news just said Flav is up for the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame. I guess I am old, but that simply stinks.
If we’re piling on Caesars now, let’s also mention the Australian footballer who recently fell to his death at the Flamingo. Surely that was Gary Loveman’s fault as well.
I haven’t seen it reported anywhere that Flavor Flav is a “tenant” at Miracle Mile; it’s only his chicken that’s supposedly on the menu at Blondie’s sports bar, although there’s no mention of it on their website.
These two bird-killers are the prime example of how new Vegas is all about douchebags. Bottle service, loud, obnoxious, boorish behavior and now the cold killing of a harmless animal – this is what the casinos make money on and choose to pander to (naming your development after a college “Quad,” anyone?) It’s bad enough trying to wade through the flip-flop wearing masses of trash wandering about but the industry embraces the kind of assclowns these murderers are by turning every casino into a nightclub and drunken horror show. Where does it end? When does the culture of this behavior become so bad that people regain some semblance of class? Maybe when a person is beheaded at the Flamingo people will change. Then again, if there’s a profit to be made in not changing, forget it.
Guys like Flavor Flav don’t get shows because they’re role models. They get shows because they’re moving train wrecks and we are all sitting at the next crossing. It would be like doing a show called Cops: Short Hills, N.J. Two old Jews get pulled over in their Lincoln for going over 38 in a 35 [zone]. He pulls over, is polite, and produces a valid license and registration. No drugs in the car and the wife is fully dressed. Where’s the entertainment value there?
John, I completely agree … but I also exercise my right to NOT watch “Cops” or any of its innumerable progeny, more numerous than grains of sand at the seashore. 🙂
You can thank Jerry Springer and his kind for the mindless clones who are now mainstream America and Vegas visitor. The meek and ignorant have inherited our once great and proud nation.
Two “sac du douche” (Love the phrase!) get their jollies by killing an animal that couldn’t defend itself from them?? Really? These sick individuals should be locked up for life! So sad that these seemingly intelligent law-school students could even think of doing something like this. I’ve been pretty drunk in my day, and never got so low as to consider doing something like this. I’m sad…. truly sad. Guess I don’t understand some people anymore.