Aren’t we glad?

When given lemons, make lemonade. When hit with a throat infection, lay low and scrounge around for S&G fodder. So it is today — and I didn’t have to scrounge very far.

While Las Vegas didn’t dodge too many bullets during the Great Recession, we ought to say a quick prayer of thanks that Christopher Milam and James Packer never got their Crown Las Vegas edifice off the ground, so to speak. In design and aspiration, it was modeled on Burj Dubai. (It also would have jutted unnervingly close to a McCarran International Airport flight pattern, but never mind.) Actually, it’s now Burj Khalifa, as a suck-up to the ruler of neighboring Abu Dhabi, Dubai’s prospective financial rescuer.

Not only is nothing in the tower open save the observation deck, the latter recently had to be closed due to infrastructural problems. The first reports were vague, then a frightening tale emerged of 60 sightseers stranded 124 floors up, while another 15 were trapped in an elevator. What sounds like a harrowing ordeal is also another reason to be glad Vegas’ infatuation with Dubai (and vice versa) has petered away, albeit due more to the emirate’s insolvency than an outbreak of sanity on either side of the ocean.

Said one disgruntled tourist, “The tower was projected as a metaphor for Dubai. So the metaphor should work.” Overambitious? Behind schedule? Malfunctioning? I’d say the metaphor’s working perfectly. Vegas, this could have been you — and aren’t you glad it isn’t?

Slippery slots. Analysts are scratching their heads over a recent 14% decline in the average stock price of the big three — WMS, Bally Technologies, IGT — well exceeding the S&P average. Among the causes of blame are the inelastic performance of regional gambling markets (which is a nice way of saying we’re temporarily maxed-out on casinos), as well as the big question marks hovering over Illinois and Alabama. The former is proving surprisingly unreceptive to bartop video slots (evidently because of the illegal VLT biz that’s entrenched there), while the latter is tottering between the statewide legalization or complete shutdown of a casino business that’s legit in some counties and a big no-no in others.

Resorts giveth, Resorts taketh away. In a last-ditch attempt to keep table game players away from Pennsylvania, there’s a new ploy in play at Resorts Atlantic City. The city’s oldest casino is bringing back $2 blackjack. But you have to pay a quarter per hand in order to partake of the low-limit game. A 12.5% surcharge for every two bucks you lay down: Would you pay it? D’ya think it’ll catch on?

Fun with room rates. You can get a bigger Wynncore resort credit ($100 vs. $75) if you accept the one that can’t be applied to A) gambling, B) retail or C) Garth Brooks. Well … they’ve got some awfully nice restaurants there. Harrah’s Entertainment, meanwhile, picked a devil of a time to add Planet Hollywood‘s room inventory to its satchel. For 2010 to date, Harrah’s is taking it by far the worst (-14% ADRs) of the big operators and — generally speaking — the low end is where ADRs are depressed the most. At least the Planet Ho buy shouldn’t add to Harrah’s bargain-end exposure.

Carlino’s big score. During a flat month for Indiana, the clear winner was Penn National Gaming‘s new Hollywood Casino Lawrenceburg, up 9%. Its $36 million haul also puts it in the select company of Harrah’s Horseshoe Hammond, at the northern end of the state, which hauled aboard $42 million. Every southern Indiana riverboat took it on the kisser (i.e., -5% to -11) Hollywood, save for Casino Aztar which defied the odds for a 2% increase. The best thing Carl Icahn‘s people could do for Aztar is just keep on what trustee Robert Dingman‘s been doing.