“Hi, I’m John Ensign, your casino host”

In development that was a foregone conclusion to everyone but Sen. John Ensign (R) himself, the former casino executive and prospective heir to the Mandalay Resort Group fortune of Mike Ensign, announced his retirement from politics today. The former general manager of the Gold Strike and Nevada Landing grind joints in Jean (1991-4) was looking at brutal poll numbers, fundraising insufficient to even be called “anemic,” a Senate Ethics Committee investigation and frequent verbal slights from fellow GOP senators (including confessor and gynecologist Tom Coburn), for whom he couldn’t die soon enough. An ungrateful business, politics.

Papa Mike’s own attempt to get back into the casino biz, in Kansas, was overshadowed by revelations that he’d channeled 96 dimes in hush money to a “Johnny Casino” concubine and her cuckolded husband — a “pattern of generosity” that was elaborately structured to avoid taxation by the IRS. Ensign senior and junior, having helped ruin each other’s careers, will now be able to exchange recriminations at leisure. Meanwhile, a flood tide of utterly predictable talking points broke loose.

As for Papa Ensign’s old Gold Strike properties, they’re now under the ownership of MGM Resorts International. If CEO Jim Murren can’t find the casino hair heir a sinecure at his old Gold Strike stomping grounds or in the bucolic environs of Railroad Pass Hotel & Casino, S&G has an idea.

Given Johnny Casino’s proven ability to make women weak at the knees with a flash of his pearly whites, perchance Bobby Baldwin could put him to work glad-handing pedestrians in front of CityCenter, sweet-talking them into making the long, uphill detour to Aria. As a senator, Ensign’s most famous attribute (next to his coiffure) was his low handicap on the links. Perhaps he could be MGM’s new club pro at Shadow Creek. Seriously, however …

Having disowned his casino roots to further his political ambitions (which briefly extended to the White House), will prodigal son Ensign be welcomed back into the fold? Apparently so. Not by MGM, but by other “george” donors to Ensign’s bottomless legal-defense fund. Former MGM CEO J. Terrence Lanni gave the senator $10,000 but current management appears to be keeping its distance. Potential employer #1 is Las Vegas Sands CEO Sheldon Adelson (above, who’s flung $30K into the legal-defense kitty), who might be able to use what scant conservative mojo Ensign still has, particularly his frequent invocation of The Man Upstairs, to woo gambling-averse lawmakers in Florida and Texas, where Adelson has casino aspirations.

Next in line in is Steve Wynn (10 grand donated) who could also put Ensign to work in the Sunshine State — although perhaps not in Massachusetts, where El Steve also has expansionist desires … as does Adelson. Or maybe he thinks Ensign’s “Good Time Charlie” lifestyle would help further sexify Wynncore‘s image. Or perhaps Wynn, who openly pines for a male heir to his casino empire, will envision the younger Ensign as a kind of surrogate son. Crazier notions have fallen from El Steve’s mouth, given his propensity to think aloud.

Wynn Resorts COO Marc Schorr also found $5,000 under the sofa cushions for defraying Ensign’s legal bills. Beyond that, the roster of Ensign family cronies underwriting the junior senator’s legal bills reads like a roll call of jettisoned Mandalay executives, including Tony Alamo Sr. So if the doors of MGM are shut to “Johnny Casino” deep-pile welcome mats are out at Venelazzo and Wynncore. We need a truly wise man, Wynn’s oddsmaker Johnny Avello, to make book on which casino will land the fallen senator.*

(* — Speaking of laying odds, Rep. Dean Heller [R-NV] now becomes the prohibitive favorite to pick up Ensign’s seat next year. When he was Nevada’s secretary of state, Heller ran a real classy and conscientious operation, for what it’s worth.)