More Tales of Trump; Tribes vs. Tribes

Penn Jillette, never known for circumspection, has a field day with Donald Trump in his latest tome, Every Day is an Atheist Holiday. Like any patriotic American, he can’t resist a pot-shot at Trump’s combover, which is described as resembling “cotton candy made from piss” (although I think the latter might actually look better). You might yourself wishing you could see the outtakes from sitcom Celebrity Apprentice, as they’re better than anything that made air: Contestants were subject to Hilter’s bunker-style tantrums during which The Donald went “into his free-form rants in front of a captive audience, he would talk about articles written about him and defend himself against charges made, as far as I could tell, by random bloggers with a few hundred hits. Attacks that could have no impact on his life at all. It sounded like this cat was Googling himself, being bugged by what was written, and then defending himself to people who were trying to improve their careers by playing a TV game with him.”

As though dealing with Das Trump weren’t bad enough, Jillette had to spend quality time bonding with Clay Aiken, which he likens to waterboarding. “If you’ve gotten yourself into a situation when Clay Aiken is going to talk about his feelings with you, it’s time to kill yourself.” At least Jillette can console himself with the knowledge that he made a bundle of charitable moolah for hometown nonprofit Opportunity Village and for that his fellow Las Vegans are thankful.

Now that private-sector competition has been rejected (again) in Oregon, the state’s gambling-enabled tribes can go back to trying to poach on one another’s turf. When then-Secretary of the Interior Dirk Kempthorne (right) fished the now-rescinded “commutable distance standard” out of his butt, it can now be interpreted as a well-intentioned but maladroit attempt to prevent this very scenario. (Or perhaps he wanted to keep genteel, white folks away from the twin temptations of dice and “fire water” as much as possible.) During George W. Bush‘s second term, only 12 “land into trust” applications were accepted by the Interior Department. In 2010 alone, the Obama administration green-lit six.

This means the Manzanita Band of Digueño Indians may soon have a casino at the doorstep of Mexicali and that the Cowlitz Tribe of Washington State is working to establish a foothold in the Oregon market. Beaver State tribes have also been pushing the envelope. Although 220 miles separates the Coquille Indian Tribe‘s lands from the Cow Creek Band of Umpqua‘s casino, the Coquille are leapfrogging 150 miles to Medford, a bold territorial challenge. The battleground is Roxy Ann Lanes, a bowling alley and casino wannabe. Tribal casinos have, for 25 years, been a kick-starter to economic self-sufficiency. It would be unfortunate if tribal governments started trying to take each other’s casino out, in time-honored, private-sector fashion.