Signs of the Times

Oh, how I wish I’d had the presence of mind to snap a photo of the Tropicana Las Vegas marquee last night. It reads, in part:

WAYNE

NEWTON

Once Before I Go

NOW

The concluding imperative makes the sign look like a plug for Flomax. The Wayner stars in a desperate struggle between a strong will and a weak bladder! Newton’s show is definitely not for the incontinent (even though its appeal will be scant for the under-65 set), running approximately 100 minutes and feeling much longer still.

Cheetah Girl in the house! If you don’t subscribe to the S&G Twitter feed, here’s a mini-chronicle of last night’s opening …

Wayne Newton’s “Once Before I Go” is once too often. Worse than [Matt] Goss, Zowie Bowie & Gordie Brown combined. No Kym Johnson sighting … Sight of the night: Robin Leach, tummy protruding like the prow of a zeppelin, his sweater front covered in stains. Stay classy, Robin … Also present: Drew Carey, Wayne Brady, Sabrina Bryan, DWTS’ Cheryl, Edyta, Alec, Anna & Jonathan, Wink F. Martindale & sundry lesser lights [Zowie Bowie, Holly Madison, Alicia Jacobs’ dog, accompanied by Jacobs, etc.]

After the show, media and other invitees noshed on finger foods in a white-carpeted area at the center of which was a roped-off sort of VIP room-cum-goldfish bowl. Thus, the Red Carpeteers could hobnob in semi-seclusion, while everyone was tacitly invited to stand around and gape.

Random observation: Cheryl Burke must bathe in spray-tan, although even her not-found-in-nature ruddiness paled next to Mr. Martindale’s hair dye. The assembled glitterati afforded some visual relief from the sorry spectacle onstage but nothing, alas, could efface the sounds emerging from Newton’s tortured throat. He’s not resting on his laurels so much as actively demolishing them.

All Caesars’ horses and all Caesars’ men can’t improve a grim outlook for Harrah’s Entertainment‘s Canadian flagship.

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