Two letters in “Dear Abby” caught my eye last week, both from women. One was a single woman who claims she lives a full life, but has nothing to do on Saturday night, while the other was moving to across the country to a new retirement community and was afraid that she wouldn’t make new friends. Dear Abby, now written by Jeanne Phillips, who has inherited little of the talent of her mother, the original Dear Abby, or her Aunt Ann Landers, suggested that the first women investigate classes — and told the second to buy the columnist’s book on being popular.
The reason this struck me was because of my own experience, as well as others’, in getting to know people in Las Vegas.
When I arrived in town (the first time) in 1994, I worked as a Realtor, and like most newbie Realtors, I contacted homes selling as by-owners. I noticed a common thread. Many of the sellers were in their mid-60s and had moved to Las Vegas after hearing that it was a low-cost retirement paradise. They got sucked into the new-home development boom and (against all reasonable advice) purchased property in a totally new environment.
Before coming to Las Vegas, the couples had lived so long in one place that they’d totally forgotten how to set up any sort of social infrastructure, especially now that they were retired (the workplace is still the primary spot to make friends quickly). A couple of years later they found themselves with few friends and possibly spending way too much time in local casinos.
When it comes to making friends (outside of the workplace), Las Vegas has two social strikes against it. People come and go here more frequently than other towns, plus Las Vegans tend to be suspicious of people they don’t know. This city has a high “flake rate,” so we tend to look askance at friendly strangers who are all too frequently trying to sell us something.
As a single self-employed male (with no family in Las Vegas), I found a couple of meeting-people solutions that work for me. One advantage is that I can happily spend several evenings a week reading or streaming in my apartment without social contact, but I still like interacting with other humans. However, I do not belong to a church, I do not play golf, and unlike Dear Abby, I do not recommend taking classes for purely social interaction. The tuition can be a bit costly — and most people are there to learn something, not mingle.
A year or so ago, I signed up with Meetup.com, a for-profit organization that sets up small-group get-togethers based on interests, ages, marriage status, you name it. There are over 50 Meetup groups in Las Vegas, many holding multiple events per week. I initially visited three or four group events and have become quite attached to a Singles 50+ group. Every Sunday morning, a dozen or so meet at a local bagel shop and it has become like an extended-family event. No one is there for a hookup (though one married couple did meet each other in the group a few years ago), no one is selling anything, and unlike what I’d heard early, I don’t find any of my Sunday friends to be particularly “needy.” We discuss life experiences and exchange advice. The overall 50+ singles Meetup group is quite large and holds social events all around the valley, but this one I especially enjoy. Not 50+ or single and looking for something more adventurous than Sunday coffee? Trust me: There’s a Meetup group for you too.
The other effort I make that has worked for me is to patronize restaurants with good non-smoking, no-video-poker, dining bars that attract a steady local audience. Most people at a bar enjoy talking to the other patrons and I’m surprised how many personal and professional contacts I’ve made in nearby local restaurants.
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You mentioned avoiding classes because of cost. The Osher Lifelong Learning Institute is a nationwide network of colleges and universities with classes aimed at retirees. UNLV is a participating school. OLLI operates on an annual due membership basis and fees for non-credit short-term (usually 2 1/2 months) classes. The annual dues and fees vary from school to school, but here at Furman University in Greenville SC my annual dues are $55 and each class is $50. There are a great variety of classes to appeal to almost every interest; in fact my first class was a class on the Beatles. I have found the classes to be great learning experiences, enjoyable and very enjoyable social opportunities.
I think this is an issue for people of any stage of life when moving to a new place, and is exacerbated by smartphones, which gives people something to look at in public instead of making eye contact with strangers. The meetups are a good idea, and I would guess there are a lot more than 50 groups, because there are meetups for all kinds of interests, also for hobbies, professional interests etc. I have found that volunteering is a good way to meet people also, especially if there is something you can do that requires regular frequent participation. It’s also surprisingly fulfilling, and the more time and energy you can offer, the more people you can meet. I recently was asked to join the board of a non profit organization I have been involved with. After not wanting to commit for fear of disappointing the others in the organization, I finally agreed to join the board and it has been very rewarding and given me opportunities to meet new people and make a real difference, and I enjoy it too.
Also try things that push you gently outside your comfort zone in social settings. For example, if you are a shy person and think you have no talent whatsoever, try singing karaoke at Dino’s or some other bar where talent is not a prerequisite. People are amazingly supportive.
Just moved to Las Vegas from Austin Texas I’m a 55 year old man single parent of a 17 year old son son still lives in Austin Texas he’s still in school would like to meet some locals in Las Vegas I’m lonely I have a people person and without people I don’t feel alive, peace be with us all
Hi I am a 49 year old male and planning to move to Las Vegas for reasons such as low cost of living (taxes, housing etc.). I am concerned about the same things. i am a social person, well educated who enjoys interacting with people. I was wondering how I can make new friends and if you can find interesting communities in Vegas. Any advice would be appreciated.