Why I Sign up for Everything

My buddy Joe T and I meet up at the Cosmopolitan within the first year of its opening.

We’re in town for the requisite lighting trade show we’ve attended since the dawn of time and Joe’s high-roller boss, Jerry, is staying at the Cosmo, where he’s comped.

Me, I’m downtown at the El Cortez where I belong. Main Tower, second floor, winding staircase into the casino, $60 a night.

I’m not into staying or playing on the Strip and the vertical layout of the Cosmo makes me a little squeamish. I’m more of a wide, low, soft-lighting Wynn kind a guy and the Cosmo reminds me of midtown Manhattan. Anyways …

I haven’t digressed, because I haven’t even gotten to the point of this blog, so here goes.

Since I’ve never been to the Cosmo, I go with Joe to sign up. They offer your basic $10 sign-up free-play bonus and I notice they have a free wheel spin.

 I ask, “What’s with the wheel?”

“Well, you’re entitled to the $10 in free play or you can spin.”

Okayyyy. I notice $10 is the lowest amount on the wheel and it goes up to $500. No-brainer. So I spin and BINGO! I hit for $500!

Joe, constantly bugging me about my “man purse” (“It’s a satchel, Joe”) stuffed with coupon books and strategy cards picks his jaw up off the floor and, with the same enthusiasm as Ed Helms the dentist in Hangover confronting his wife, I say, “And that’s why I sign up for everything!”

I then head over to the high-limit room, and play $5 9/6 JOB, and leave with $495.

Overall, I have a terrible trip and lose over $1,000, but since I have the $495, it’s almost cut in half. (Yes, even Bobby Vegas loses and if someone says they never lose, tell them, “Great!  Lets go!”)

The other reason I sign up for everything is the come-back offers.

If you’re a Vegas virgin or have never “bothered” to sign up, that the first offers are often very good and include a free room or at least the casino rate.

The casino rate is significantly better than any sales, specials, online, or third-party rate and often come with other add-ons. For example, the past few years at the Downtown Grand, my resort fee was $10 a night, with parking, water, and in-room coffee. (It’s now $20, but still, the normal fee is $40.

So sign up, spin wheels, enter contests, and take advantage of every opportunity you find. If you don’t play, ya can’t win. And to misquote Vince Lombardi, “Winning isn’t everything, but it sure beats losing.”