"if only because I can't think of any "neutral third party arbitrator" with whom I would like to deposit any significant sum of money."
Think harder! There are many professional reputable certified arbitrators if you even took a minute to look. We don't have time to waste, as the list will be out soon. These are my terms, and you established the odds, the money needs to be put up front to ensure payout.
Of course we both know why you will never do this, and I bet others do too! People that spend their lives on message boards tend to have this kind of "financial characteristic"! ;-)