This post is about a particular gambling experience, but not in Vegas. I thought it might be worth sharing here. Since this will be a long post, I'll break it into two parts.
There are several casinos within an hour or so's drive of Portland. I visit once or twice a week; sometimes I play poker, and I usually play Spanish 21, which is immensely popular in the Pacific Northwest. The game is hugely profitable for the casino because, to put it simply, the players are really terrible. Spanish requires a MUCH different basic strategy than regular blackjack, plus--people constantly load up on the "match" side bets, which have a house edge of over 3%. Basically, between the inherent house edge and people's bad play, everybody gets killed.
I was nonetheless playing Spanish while I was waiting for my name to be called for poker. I was betting a modest $5 a hand, and suffice it to say, things were not going well. I started off with a losing streak, then clawed my way back to even--at which point another losing streak commenced. I kept recovering and getting killed, over and over. The most infuriating part was that all my doubles and splits were losing. When you have 11, and the dealer has a hard 16, and you each take a card, and you lose--and this happens over and over, it gets irritating. No, actually, it gets enraging, regardless of the stakes. It was seeming as if whenever the dealer had a stiff, a FedEx messenger would bicycle up to the table and deliver her whatever card she needed. I finally lost a hard 20 when the dealer hit her hard 15 with a 6 and said, that's enough. I was down $65 (and glad I'd been playing for the minimum, at least) and checked to see where I was on the poker list.
Eighth. Shit. I then fondled my $35 in chips and my gaze lit on the Ultimate Texas Hold 'Em game. Now, this is a stupid game. A shit game. A high house advantage game. A not even particularly fun game. So of course, I said "no way" and walked over to the cage to cash out my remaining chips. Yeah, right. Actually, I sat down. Then, I realized that even at the $5 minimum, I barely had enough to play two hands (despite the so-called $5 minimum, it actually takes at least $10, and usually $15, to play one hand). So I got back up and went to the cage, cashed out, and sat down to have a cup of coffee while waiting to be called for the poker game. Yeah, right. What I actually did was pull another hundred out of my wallet.
(to be continued, after this commercial break. Do you want to be able to have rock-hard erections at a moment's notice? Starbucks has you covered. Just ask for the Stallion Grande, with whipped cream, heh heh heh.)
