The Babylon Bee has compiled the following list of the best candidates to replace Graham Platner:---- Eric Swalwell: Among creepy Democrats with congressional experience, he's the most qualified.--- Jack the Ripper: Though still as yet unidentified, this British serial killer checks all the boxes--- Bill Cosby: A history of sexual misconduct AND he's black. Done deal.--- Wilhelm the Rapin' Nazi: Unlike Platner, this guy's very up-front about both being a Nazi and all that raping.--- Harvey Weinstein: A long-time favorite of famous Democrats.--- Jared from Subway: If skeevy candidates with really unsettling pasts are what they're looking for, it doesn't get any skeevier or more unsettling than this---. Prince Andrew: Technically no longer a prince, he's probably looking for a fresh start. Steve: Ugh. Steve is the worst --- . Diddy: Everyone knows celebrity candidates tend to do well with voters.--- Hunter Biden: Time to continue the family legacy.
