"I was strolling towards my inn on my way back from a night of drinking ale at the Royal Hall of Amusements. Soon I found myself passing through another hall of amusements. I spied a lass sitting in front of an amusement machine but seemingly immune to its magical lights. She was not dressed like the usual strumpet. Oh, no, she was dressed like a fair farmer's daughter. She had ivory-colored skin, freckles gently smattered upon her face and reddish hair so radiant as if woven by the fates themselves.
She spun around on her stool that oddly enough swiveled and caught me gazing upon her. She gave me a predatory smile and made a come-hither motion with her finger. Like a sailor drawn to a siren, I found my feet were inexplicably moving of their own accord towards her. Once I realized I was about to fall into her snare my feet stopped moving. Alas, it was too late to avoid my collision with destiny. (Her name really was Destiny). She arose from her strange spinning stool and quickly closed the remaining distance between us. I resigned myself to my fate and cursed the gods for giving me such wicked desires.
She embraced me as if I were a long-lost friend loudly announcing for all to hear, “There you are!” We are about to be late to meet my cousin hurry up.” Once satisfied that her ruse had drawn the attention of the Imperial Guards away, she grabbed me by my manhood and softly whispered into my ear lets go to your room.
Completely ensnared she led me out of the Imperial Hall of Amusements onto the promenade.
Once outside the purview of the Imperial Guards, I found myself uttering the words that would spell my doom, "How much?" Sensing my defeat, with a wicked glee she answered my query with, “As much as possible daddy.”
Do not despair. Unbeknownst to this harlot, before I left the Royal Hall of Amusements. I stepped into the loo and consumed two elixirs of fortitude to counter the effects of the ale. At that darkest moment, my heart began to beat faster. Suddenly, I felt the strength of the gods coursing through my veins. When I started to struggle against her hold, like an auctioneer she announced her bid of $600. I did not respond to this wicked temptress again. Desperately, she called out $300 as I fled.
As I was fleeing, I turned to see her transform into her true hideous form. Out of her mouth came a wicked screech and then she spewed an audible venom that befouled my ears.
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Sugar Baby Story
Me, Sloppy drunk at Casino Royal in the afternoon. Start scrolling through sugar babes on a sugar baby site. Turn filters on to search for the specific type I am looking for.
Me, Text first baby that pops up as a result of my filtered search, “Hey, what’s up?”
Sugar Baby, “Hey.”
Me, Drunkenly, “Uh, I saw your profile on Sugar Baby site and I have always wanted to be with a beautiful black girl.”
Sugar Baby, “Uh, are you drunk?”
Me, “Yep,”
Sugar Baby, “Send me a pic.”
Me, Head to the bathroom and snap an awkward selfie because I am drunk.
Sugar Baby, “You’re not half bad looking for your age. Do you think you can sober up?”
I lied, “Probably, I am not that drunk.”
Sugar Baby, “Sober up and I’ll come over in a couple of hours if you promise to take me lingerie shopping and out to dinner.”
Me, “Sounds good.”
At this point, I scamper back to my room. I pop two stims (valid prescription) and hop in the shower. About an hour and a half later I am sober thanks to the stims. I Look at baby’s profile pics again. I notice the pics are all kind of grainy and not shot on a high-quality camera. I start getting extremely nervous and curse myself for being such an idiot. I hope maybe she won’t show. Then My phone dings.
Sugar Baby, “Hey, I am almost there come meet me in the lobby.”
Me, “Ok headed down.” I slink out of the room, down the hall and onto the elevator. I ask myself how I am going to get rid of this girl because at this point, I am sure she is going to be a troll. The elevator door opens, and I begin my walk of shame towards the lobby. Once I reach the lobby my phone dings. She tells me she is right behind me. My heart starts racing because I am terrified of what I am going to see when I turn around…
.
My mouth drops open as my eyes land upon the ebony goddess of my dreams.
Me, “Uh…”
Sugar Baby, “Not what you expected?”
Me, “Uh.. uh… No, your so hot.” Apparently, I am still just a wee bit drunk.
Sugar Baby, “Come on let’s go up to your room.”
I notice how fit she is on the way to the room. On the way up I ask myself am I having an alcohol-fueled fever dream. Shit like this never happens to me.
In the room, she asks me what my expectations are. I tell her I am looking for a vacation girlfriend with benefits. She tells me again she just wants to go on a normal date where I take her lingerie shopping and buy her dinner. We hoof it to the mall at Planet Hollywood. Baby goes shopping. Baby buys $300 worth of shit with my credit card. Baby is very happy and kisses me on the cheek. I notice people at the mall looking at me funny and are pointing. I realize it is because there is the middle-aged white guy walking with a sexy 26-year-old African American girl. I decide I really don’t give a shit.
We go to the Mexican restaurant in roughly the center of Miracle Mile. We eat and drink a lot. We talk, we laugh. Turns out we have a lot of common interests. (We both hate Trump) Both baby and I are shitfaced by the time we leave. We walk back to Flamingo. We go up to the room Baby goes into the bathroom and comes out nude.
<<Sorry I have to censor this part>>
After what seems like an hour but really is several Baby gets dressed and tells me she has to leave. She says it is too bad you have to leave tomorrow.
The brain cells are working just enough to remember I have a late departure.
Me, “Hey, I could book a room for tomorrow?”
Baby says, “I had fun we can hang tomorrow. HMU when you get to your new place.”
We say our goodbyes and as soon as Baby is out the door, I grab the laptop and look for a room that will let me check in early. Agoda says Four Queens $49.xx including tax but check-in is not until 4. I call 4 Queens directly explain I will not be staying all night and that just need a place to crash. They said no problem we can get you in at noon as we aren’t booked up.
I try and sleep, but I am wired from all the stims. I say to myself. You know I could go back to the Casino Royal and drink a few drinks to dampen the stims. Sure, enough the friendly bartenders and my friends I made over the last couple of days encourage me to drink it up so I do. I stumble back to the room pass out and wake up a few hours later. I take a shower and start packing my bags. I rush downstairs and checkout at the kiosk with 20 minutes to spare.
Uber over to 4 Queens. I do not feel so good or look so good. Go to check-in. A guy in his mid-twenties checks me in. He asks me if it is just me or is there someone else with me. In my current state, the question stumps me.
Me, “Uh..oh.. uh…yeah.. I have a girlfriend .. coming over…
”
Him, “Do u need to put her on the room?”
Me, “Uh… I…I”
With a wink, he says I see. He says since your such a good customer and were here earlier in the week I am going to upgrade you to our super-duper king suite overlooking Freemont Street.”
Me, “Thanks.”
Him, “No.. problem have fun with your "girlfriend".
Get up to the room and notice the funky sink and shower. Text Baby, she says has not slept but is willing to still come over. Asks if I mind if she 420s. I say no. I hop into the shower even though I have already had one trying to sober up. I get out dry off and sigh. I grab my bottle of stims and pop two more.
Baby shows up and says, “This room isn’t as nice as your other room.”
I say yeah, it was all that was available.
Baby says, “Hey how about we smoke this you are too wired.”
I say to myself when in Rome. So for the first time in 20 years, I get baked. Baby undresses.
<<More Good Stuff Censored Out>>>
After several hours of fun, Baby wants to get something to eat. I take her to Magnolias and pay for our meals in part with a two-for-one coupon. Baby comes back up to the room gets her stuff and we say our goodbyes. All I will say about Baby’s performance is that she was a no-limits type of girl.
I am tired and worn out. I try to relax for an hour and it is time to head to the airport. I order Uber, the driver says I don’t have to bother with a mask if I don’t want to so I don’t. Get dropped off at the airport. It is time to mask up. It has been so many days since I masked up that I forgot that the first thing you smell when you put your mask on is everything that is on your face. So I got a big dose of baby when I put my mask on. I say oh, shit. I like it but I bet the people that sit next to me on the plane won't. I go to the bathroom and scrub my face off.
I head to security and make it to the gate area. Finally, time to unwind I say to myself. I sit down and notice I can’t stop my hand from shaking and I am sweating badly. I ask myself is that a fever. I panic and say oh shit they aren’t going to let me on the plane. It’s the 420 cranking up the paranoia in combination with the stims and the alcohol. I spend the next hour and a half nervously waiting to board. I pass the temp scan and am relieved. I fly home. The smile hasn’t left my face since.
I highly recommend sugar dating.
