Dad was hanging the Christmas lights.
Young son walks in: "What's going on?"
Dad: "We're decorating the house for Christmas."
Son: "Why do we do that?"
Dad: "To celebrate the day Jesus was born."
Son: "You mean Jesus' birthday is on Christmas Day? Wow, what a coincidence!"
Candy
Not really a joke, but this reminded me of how I was almost beaten to death by a penguin when I was ten years old. Since Bible mythology tells us that Mary and Joseph were in Bethlehem due to a empire-wide census/taxation decree by Caesar Augustus, one would have to ask: in the dead of winter? Really? It's far more likely that the decree was issued in the spring or summer. Furthermore, the only way you can determine if anything in the Bible is other than fiction is if it's corroborated by non-Christian sources--and Roman records show no such decree.
When the early Christians were trying to sell their brand to all those pagans, one brilliant marketing move was to let them keep all of their holidays and festivals--they just rebranded them. And every culture had a winter solstice festival. So fine, the Christians said, we'll use that time to celebrate the birth of Jesus. Fine, the pagans said, can we still get drunk? Sure, the Christians said.
So what almost got me killed was this observation, voiced by me during religion class in fifth grade, being taught by a Dominican nun. I said that it was far more likely that Jesus was born in the fall. The wrath of a nun is like none on earth for any blasphemer.
I would much rather be carving Jesus's face into a pumpkin, actually.
So why couldn't Jesus have been born in Vegas?
Because you need to have three wise men and a virgin.
LOL...good one, MisterPicture.
Kevin Lewis, I suspect that most folks know/have heard somewhere that the actual DOB of Jesus is uncertain, and very possibly in warmer weather. (Why not April 15th?) How Dec. 25th was chosen as the universally (mostly) acceptable time is written up somewhere. My husband attended Catholic schools and would agree with you that you don't want to annoy a nun, or a rabbi for that matter. In husband's day they had the power...and the paddle along with it. Husband reports being a recipient of the paddle a time or two, and it wasn't cushy. Of course that was before parents go ape s*** over any teacher who gives their little angel anything less than an A.
C'mon, folks. Spend a minute off of your angst-y political hineys. Surely you can recall a holiday joke or two (or non-holiday). I myself could use a laugh, other than Trump having dinner with those two knuckleheads, though that is truly laughable.
Candy
I actually can't recall any Christmas jokes per se, though there are and have been plenty of funny Christmas books, stories, TV shows, movies, etc. I think part of the reason is that when Uncle Fred tells his Christmas joke at the dinner table, he's often met with icy silence and a death glare. Evangelical Christians in particular don't tolerate blasphemy.
Monty Python's Life of Brian is one of the funniest movies ever made, but boy, did it piss a lot of people off. It pinpointed and lampooned many of the most absurd aspects of the Jesus legend. That didn't sit well. Likewise, any Christmas joke that circulates at all will sooner rather than later crash into an outraged evangelical. At least it no longer gets you hurled into prison or burned at the stake.
Yeah, ECs, the very definition of taking one's self too seriously.
They probably don't like my favorite (high on the list, anyway) Christmas song, mostly played on
AM/FM radio: "Merry Christmas from the Family." Never have seen "Life of Brian", but will definitely look it up.
Candy
