Hopped up on conspiracy theories straight from the horse's ass, El Presidente Trump, conservative Americans have declared jihad and launched terror attacks against their enemies the American media and Democratic political leaders. These gutless wonders are sending IEDs through the U.S. postal system. If you see suspicious looking middle aged white males wearing read hats near the post office please report them to the Department of Homeland Security. Note: please do not attempt to approach these terrorists yourself as they are certifiably batshit crazy and prone to fits of violence.