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Due to a study by a nine year old a few years ago; liberals are running with the idea that excessive straw use will cause the end of the world

Sounds more like the penny wise pound foolish approach favored by so many conservatives.

Big deal. 

I walk the mile around my neighborhood for exercise.  I carry a bag and pick up litter in the process.  Guess what is the most frequently encountered item of litter? 

 - Plastic drink cups?   I get a lot of them.  But no.

 - Cigarette pack (empty)?   I get a fair amount of those.  But no.

 - Cigarette butts?  Yes, lots, but I don't pick them up.  My back couldn't take the constant bending over.  

 - Condoms?  I see some (used)...somebody's lover's lane, I guess.  I don't pick them up either.

But..the winner?

The plastic drink LID WITH STRAW.   Grrrr.

When lazy jerks suck the last of the drink from a fast food cup, they pull off the lid with straw and toss it out their car, keeping the cup with ice to chew on.   

Realizing this is not exactly the same issue.  Rant over. 

Truthfully, they ought to mandate reusable glass bottles or aluminum cans for drinks and paper bags for groceries. All the plastic trash lying around doesn't do anybody good. Oh, they can also make straws out of paper. 

Poor old DonDiego opines the perfect solution over the long term would be for everyone to be issued a bamboo straw upon birth.  Bamboo straws can be washed and reused.

Each newborn should be tatooed with a unique identifiaction number to match the number permanently burned into their lifetime straw.

Once the individual reaches an appropriate age he should, likewise, be issued his permanent indestructible stainless steel personal eating utensils, . . . e.g. a knife, fork, and spoon (or pehaps a knife and a spork) f'rinstance in the USA, and chopsticks in China.

Oh, . . . and it should be a felony to steal anyone else's straw/eating utensils.

DonDiego perhaps missed my point that a lot of folks are too lazy and/or inconsiderate to contain their own mess/trash/straws, condoms, paper, plastic, bamboo, or stainless steel, other than tossing them into the environment.  Particularly when riding or driving in a car.

Shoud DD's idea come to fruition for a unique ID on utensils, what a great sub specialty for attorneys!  People, make at least one of your kids go to law school.  

DonDiego's initial post was intended to address the recent "recognition-of-environmental-destruction-event" pertaining to plastic waste, and in particular plastic straws, which make their way into the oceans and are likely to remain there forever or until the end of the universe, whichever comes first.

With regard to litter generally, DonDiego is in total agreement with Candy Wright.  One of DonDiego's few, . . . perhaps only, . . . good point(s) is that he does not litter; he goes out of his way to find a proper receptacle or carries his trash home.

DonDiego had thought that application of strict anti-litter laws like those in Singapore with significant fines might be an excellent solution.

However, it has come to his attention that Singapore has an even bigger litter problem than that Candy Wright encounters.  Singapore has had to escalate its anti-litter law enforcement to eliminate "killer litter" !  Apparently the citizens of Singapore high-rise buildings are prone to discard TVs and other heavy appliances out of their windows, . . . occasionally injuring innocent passersby. 

People always find a way to make things worse.

I think its way too generous to presume the policy is motivated by concerns for the environment.      This is simply another cost cutting measure implemented by corporate management team  that is out of ideas on how to grow profits.     

McDonalds is switching to paper straws in Europe and is testing doing so in the US.   That would be the more environmentally friendly solution.   I dont know what the cost of paper straw is vs a plastic one.   

McDonalds paper straws

Porchlight, (the Southern-inspired bar in Hudson Yards, from the Union Square Hospitality Group) estimates that plastic straws cost about half a penny, corn-based cost 2 cents, and paper straws cost around 4 cents (about 8 times as much as a plastic straw).

Plastic straws make up less than 0.5% of plastic garbage.  The biggest plastic garbage producer is China.  As usual liberal eco nuts make a crisis out of nothing & ignore the real problem (China)