Somebody please explain the popularity of soccer

The most goals I saw in any one game during the Round of 32 was five. Most games, there were only three goals or fewer. I didn't watch all of it, so there might have been a 3 to 3 slugfest someplace.

Soccer is like what baseball would be if there were ten bases and the outfield fence was half a mile from home plate, or basketball if the hoop was thirty feet above the court, or American football if the field was 600 yards long, had moats filled with crocodiles at the goal lines, and the goalposts were four inches apart. A soccer field is ridiculously large. From what I could tell, it takes about five consecutive blunders on the part of one team in order for the other team to even get close enough to take a shot on the goal.

It seems most soccer games are decided as follows: the players kick the ball back and forth, each hoping the opposing goalie falls asleep. Eventually, out of sheer boredom, one player decides to try to kick an opposing player in the face. The referees throw all kinds of colored cards, the team whose player got kicked gets to try a "penalty kick," and usually makes it, because the opposing goalie is still asleep. They win 1-0; the fans riot, and burn down the stadium (whether their team won or lost).

Really, this is the most boring goddamn spectator sport on earth. Even a submarine race would have more to watch. But the world loves it...I'm guessing because all you need is a ball, and some reasonably flat surface, so even poor people can play it?

I expect some kind of gratuitous assholery personal attack from Millerpig or stupid Tom, because they can't control themselves, but I'm genuinely asking the question: what on earth is interesting about that game? Must be something about it, because the world loves it. I just can't tell what it is.

It also seems to be the only sport where your hands and arms are only used for balance, except for punching an opponent when the referees aren't looking. Oh, wait, there's skateboarding and surfing, I guess. Definitely the only sport where you deliberately hit the ball with your head. Bowling would be more interesting to watch if they did that.

I Googled your question.  What it said, why so popular:

 - Exceptionally accessible; working class can play

 - Almost no equipment

 - No need to be "freakishly tall or freakishly bulky"

 - Simple rules that anyone can grasp; easy for children to learn

 - Low barrier to entry; affordable to economic levels world wide

 - No complex rule books; easy for viewers to enjoy

 - Nearly uninterruped flow, without commercial breaks as in American football or baseball

 - Shared global and cultural identity, regularly unites other countries

 - Year-Round engagement, no off season for dedicated fans

Candy

100% agree with you, it's a slow slog and if your game can tie, what kind of game is it?

But I sure enjoyed Ted Lasso, one of the few shows I watched last year.

I feel like a smaller field would result in more goals.     There used to be an indoor soccer league when I was a kid.   My father would occasionally get us tickets.    That was fun to watch.   They played in the same venue as the Sabres hockey team.      Lots of scoring.

Yeah, I went to a couple of those games as well. Indoor soccer was an "Americanized" version of the game, and the difference was that the scores weren't always 1-0 or 0-0 like in "regular" soccer. I remember people from other countries disparaging the game, but making goals easier and more frequent made it more fun to watch and probably more fun to play.

I wonder about the evolution of professional soccer in the rest of the world. Who decided that the fields would be so immense? When folks play casually, their playing fields are MUCH smaller. I realize that if the games are in existing stadiums, the fields fill up a large space, but why not build smaller stadia, or large stadia with multiple, smaller playing fields?

Yeah, Candy, I already alluded to the egalitarian nature of the sport. But that's why people like to play it; I was more wondering why people like to watch it. I've seen some of the World Cup games on TV. Absolute snorefests. One thing I noticed was that many of the fans were partying in the stands, and having a good old alcoholic time, but weren't watching the game at all. 

I get ya about that.  Yesterday during a manicure they had a soccer game on the salon's big screen.  No sound, and it was labeled "Star Cam", which apparently mostly only had the camera on the "star" player from one of the countries, which I can't remember which two.  I focused on the screen/supposed game to keep my hands still.  The score was 0 to 0. and never changed in the time I was in the chair.  I was hoping for a score, at least to show the players, revelry, etc.  The camera never showed the field of players, just had it on the "star", who in this 'game' didn't make that many moves.  Talk about boring!!  Maybe there was action on the broader field, other attempts at scoring, etc. but not shown, just to feature the "star".  Who would watch that??

I did glance at FIFA news highlights, and based on the crowds, it gets a LOT of interest, as you well know.  Maybe other countries don't have the games, or the passion, that the US has for football (not futbol, lol), basketball, baseball.  Plus now it costs a lot to even attend any of our major league ones.

Reminds me of the old joke about hockey:  

"What did you do last night?"

"I went to a fight, and a hockey game broke out." 

---sisk, boom, bah---

Maybe the same for those soccer games, at the FIFA level anyway.  Good excuse to punch somebody in the nose and get away with it.

But, hey, I'm happy for anyone who gets enjoyment out of anything, sport or otherwise.

Candy

Soccer teams, international teams in particular play not to lose; this creates the lack of action and scoring. 

Ted lasso was a great show for the first 2 seasons. Then it bogged down in the soap opera lives of its characters. 

It rallied in the last couple of episodes to finish strong

Ted is coming back in August to coach a women's team. 

Roy Kent was a great character!😎