What is soccer's appeal?

I honestly don't get it. The US's three games were 0-0, 1-1, and 1-0. This appears to be typical. I guess it's what baseball would be like if there were twelve bases and the fences were half a mile away from home plate, or football if the field was 600 yards long and the goal line was strung with barbed wire.

The fans don't seem to actually care what's going on down on the field--they're just getting drunk and yelling (even though they're not supposed to have alcohol, wink wink). But this is a very, very, very big deal, apparently. A matter of national pride blah blah.

Obviously, I'm not a soccer sophisticate, or I'd be more fascinated with the ebb and flow of the game. It just seems to me that one team almost never maintains control of the ball long enough to even get close to the opposing goal, let alone get a shot off. The US team, I remember reading, has had exactly six shots on goal in three games.

At lower levels, the dearth of scoring is so pronounced that often, a game isn't decided until a player gets bored and tries to behead an opponent, and a penalty kick is awarded. Then the fans riot and burn down the stadium--Fotheringhay Glen 1, Smedley Club 0. Hit the pubs!

Can anyone tell me why people actually like this silliness?

It's a great question.  I find it extremely boring but the rest of the world is just enthralled with it.  I'll give you a little background on myself even.  I played club soccer, started Frosh year in HS and quit it cold turkey for the rest of HS......so I could get better at basketball which I enjoyed so much better.  

Even crazier.....I still coach youth soccer today.  (because I'm good at it.  I have middle tier license and even get paid for it!; and I don't do it for that at all but I can get kids to be better at the sport and enjoy it)  Despite that, I still hate the professional sport.  In fact, I'd say I dislike it starting at U14 as it is all defense.  I'm good at teaching fundamentals and my U9 games end like 8-5 or 5-1, etc.  Kids can actually learn from their mistakes and their good plays.  It is enjoyable then for them and me.  You get to U14 and up and it is "pay to play" and parents take it way too seriously....like I mean they live and die through their kids "careers."  I took a break from coaching youth soccer and had to be coaxed back into coaching again.  I'm finding it extremely rewarding but my first request was "cool, but don't ask me to coach it past U10!"  

Now to the game today.  Did you see how Iran was just playing defense as a draw would get them to advance?  What happened when US scored?  Then it was Iran's turn to own the offensive possession.  Did the teams just all of sudden change?  Of course not.  It's stupid.  Soccer experts will say this is what is great about the "beautiful game."  I find it disgusting.  I'm pulling for the US as they didn't even qualify for last WC but I really don't care too much and even today I was annoyed by it all.  

I'll tell you this much - they are by far the loudest people in the sportsbook.    I was watching the Buffalo Bills play at the sleepy Rampart casino sportsbook.    Around halftime the soccer game started on one of the TV's and that place turned into bedlam.      And unlike the NFL crowd which was all men - the soccer crowd was about 50% women.    And when one team scores its like they all hit the lottery.   20 minutes later they're still high fiving each other.   

Seems like if they made the field smaller there would be more goals....but I guess the fans like it the way it is.

Watching the game yesterday, many times when they panned to the crowd I would see people (many times it was young women) taking selfies, not watching the game at all.  I guess I might start looking for other things to do as well if I was forced to attend too many of these games.  

And yes they are obscenely loud! 

My idea is stop the offsides at least on any cross into the box.  I think that is why you need offsides or there would just be bombs into the middle of the box and scrums.  And make damn sure that at least 3 guys stay put on the offensive side of the field at all times then if no offsides.  It would create more space.  Too much of the time there are 9 quasi defenders on the field with one semi-offensive guy out there.  

Maybe since a lot of folks don't like that we call it "soccer," we could start calling it "idiot ball."

I suppose it depends on your raising.  Not heard of soccer in my growing up.  But for my nephews who grew up in Canada, Hockey was a right of passage.  Every Canadian kid played Hockey from the craddle on up.  At least Hockey is watch-able on TV, somewhat.  JMHO.

Candy

I knew some hockey people back in the day, and the reality seems to be that just as a majority of auto race fans come for the crashes, most hockey fans come for the fights. Players roar up and down the ice, faster than they would be able to run but with much less ability to stop. So--collisions, both accidental and deliberate.

It's even baked into the game's structure. Sooner or later, one player or another tries to behead one of the opposition, and gets put in the penalty box, which means that for 2+ minutes, one team outnumbers the other--and much of the scoring stems from those mismatches.

Of course, one major reason why kids play the game is...it's Canada. Lots of water, flat terrain, and colder than your ex-spouse's heart. Too goddamn much snow to play any other kind of team game, at least during the Canadian winter (10 months).

       Typicl critical dismissal from Lewis - he never say anything that he could not hate on.

Typical pointless asshole comment from Millerscum. He never has anything to add to the discussion--he just pitches insults.

I wonder how it feels for him, to be so obnoxious and worthless that he would make the world a much better place by leaving it.

Oh, and fuck you, David.