Two vultures were flying south for the winter on Southwest Airlines. One of them had a dead goat with him for an inflight snack. His companion said, "They won't let you on the plane with that." He replied, "Why not? It's carrion."

 

(Rim shot)

 

One of my fondest memories was when I was waiting in line to board a Spirit Airlines flight, returning from Vegas, when a guy was told his carry-on bag was too large. He didn't concur, and to demonstrate, stuffed his bag into the box at the gate. Or at least, he tried to. It wouldn't quite fit. He pushed and shoved and grunted, then even resorted to stomping on it, while the gate attendant watched. Finally, the bag was smooshed into the box, and he beamed in triumph.

 

Then, of course, he couldn't pull the bag back out of the box. A ten-minute delay ensued as two strong, burly types were summoned from the cargo loading area to pull the bag out. When they finally did, the bag tore and spilled its contents all over the floor. Good times!