Tales of the Silver Avenger.
Some of this is from my live trip report, some is additional commentary after my return home.
Wednesday December 14, 2011
T-30 Minutes. Robin's on his way. The excitement builds.
Camera...Check
Clothes Check
Netbook Check
VN8100-PC Digital Voice Recorder Check
Lucky Hat(s) Check Check Check
400 Tangerines...Checkaroony.
Kissed MrsAlanLeroy goodbye and away we went. Should be there in 6 - 7 hours. I'll give a shout at Bakersfield...or Barstow.
The 400 mile drive was uneventful. A note on the Tangerines: These weren’t any old Clementines. These are the sweetest, most fantastic Algerian Tangerines known to mankind. They’re grown by a farmer a couple of miles from my house. He sells them for $14 a box . They were picked dead ripe today at the peak of their sweetness.
On the drive I’d pull out a Limited Edition Christmas Zip Lock Bag (With a To/From Label) and add some friendly greeting with my sharpie…Like “To Vegas From Fresno”. Or “Win Baby Win”. Or “777”. Or “Orange Crack”. Then we’d pack the tangerines into baggies and put the baggies into my Secret Santa Shopping Bag 5 filled ziplocks or so at a time. We intended to bring some Christmas Cheer to Vegas and brighten up the lives of all whose path we crossed….and we did….intend that.
“First off, we finally made it to Bally’s (We have 5 nights comped here). Long trip though. Robin had two nose bleeds and he's in pain from his torn up knee and his severed finger. He just mans up (and takes his pain meds every 6 hours).”
A stop in Baker at the Mad Greek, a Stop at Whiskey Pete’s to see the Bonnie and Clyde Death Car and a stop at LVA world headquarters to pick up our POV's that were hidden under the ashtray. We made it to Bally’s in great time...
Spreadin' some Orange Love....Bag lableled "California Gold" to the Valet. Bag labeled "To Vegas From Fresno” to Black Elvis the Check-In-Clerk.
Free upgrade to the North Tower Diamond Floor room….Thanks Elvis!
“It's now 12:24 AM. I have this incredible urge to go to Arizona Charlie’s Decatur and play Bingo. Never been there and I don't know why it's calling my name. I think I will just go downstairs and have some tequila instead”.
View From Bally’s
Headed downstairs in search of the Tequila Bar. Found Robin who was in search of Keno. Found cocktail waitress who claimed she could bring me a Bombay Sapphire martini....I said "make it a double". I have this new Vegas Drinking Concept (VDC). I got a Stainless steel water bottle...BPA free...25 ounces (thanks to suggetions from the LVADVICE board...it was a great improvement over 6 flasks). It has a belt clip. I'm going to order excess Bombay Sapphire martinis and pour them into my bottle and save them for when I really need them....like if I need to have an emergency party or something.
Gave Robin a buck to play an 8 spot quick pick keno ticket while I awaited the return of CW. Tipped her a couple of dollar coins (I brought 25 of these for some special tips)....Hey! Yuck. That's not Bombay Sapphire! She returned to the bar to get me a 'real' Bombay Sapphire martini while I drank the fake.
She did return with a real one. I gave her a bag of tangerines marked 'Go'. Dang, I left my BPA Free Bottle in the car. I guess I'll just have to drink this one too.
Found Robin. My 1 dollar keno ticket hit 6 out of 8...I’ve already won 80 bucks and I haven’t even started. Strutted over and gave the Keno writer 2 dollar coins and a Tangerine Bag marked 'Happy'. Wow...nice start. We picked up Sports Book odds sheets and returned to room...slightly drunk and $80 richer. The Drunk get Richer and the Rich get Drunker. I'll have to work on my Sapphire Martini To-Go concept tomorrow.
The Tangerine Supply
Clyde's Holy Shirt
The Bonnie and Clyde Death Car
More Death Car
Big day planned tomorrow...24 casinos...A Blackjack Tourney. A show. Hang out with Oscar Goodman...and much, much more.
A note on how Robin and I gamble. We both contribute $100 to the Gambling Wallet (GW). Then, we try for every free play, match play and signup bonus humanly possible. All wins are placed into the GW. Sunday morning we place a portion of our winnings on Sports Bets and then Sunday night we split our communal winnings and move to PG (Personal Gambling). Yes, we’re gambling commies. Our communal gambling takes us all over town. Our routes and timings are precision planned. We never hit all our targets, but we’re good at making plan adjustments.
As far as the trip report goes, I’ll just point out the various places we stopped and what kind of play we made and any particular notes that readers might find informative. I’ll not to bore you with all the wins and losses though. If you have any questions about a particular play…(like where we got $25 match plays for Westin for example) ask away!
I’m happy as long as I have a hundred or two for a last stand at a craps table on the way out of town. I pay cash for most everything and never visit the ATM in Vegas. Running out of money early is not an option. This trip I brought $540: $300 to gamble and $240 for expenses. Kind of thin for 5 days, but the community gambling system always saves us.
Thursday December 15, 2011
Breakfast at Baglemania.
A great Jewish Deli a couple of miles off-strip. Robin had the Whitefish salad. I had a breakfast sandwich. We’re already running late. Our first plan adjustment: We’re cancelling the planned 12:00 PM Blackjack Tournament at Longhorn and our signup bonus at Fortune Casino in Henderson.
Ellis Island
Ran through our initial $20 POV and $20 ACG Free Play requirements. Robin had some good hits. Already up $40 with another $40 in FP available tomorrow.
A few weeks back I found a phone number on Ellis Island’s web site to arrange a Brewery Tour. I called that number a few times before our trip and left messages Brewmaster Joe Picket. Eventually I got a call back from ‘Mark in Customer Service’. He told me that there are no prearranged times for tours, but Joe was usually there Monday – Friday between 10:00 AM and 2:00 PM. If Joe was there and had the time, he’d probably give us a tour.
We found Brewmaster Joe Pickett hanging out in front of the Brewery. I said “Joe…They told us you’d give us a tour”. He said “Who is they” I said “Your voice mail…I’m the guy who left you 30 messages last week”. He laughed “Oh the stalker’
….Joe knows more about beer than any person I've ever met. He designed the Ellis Island Brewery 15 years ago. Joe’s first job out of college was in a Brewery in Wisconsin. He left that to run a Chemical Plant, but eventually returned to his first love…Beer and has been brewing it for over 40 years.
Brewmaster Joe Picket….he knows his beer
Who knew that this silo out front was a fully functional grain silo that moves grain from storage into the brewery?
Mash and Kettle.
Storage Tanks.
Joe with the distribution panel. Beer (and root beer) are pressurized and sent right from the tank to the tap. Joe claims Ellis Island is the world’s largest brew pub in terms of volume served in-house…Over 1 million glasses a year.
Gold Coast
$10 MP $20 FSP
Palms
$20 MP $80 for $50 SP
Orleans
$20 MP $20 FSP
Longhorn
$20 MP. Note…We learned their ‘Daily’ Blackjack Tournament has been reduced to three days a week. Good thing we didn’t bust our butts to get here. It didn’t happen today.
Sam’s Town
$20 MP + 10 FSP
Jerry’s Nugget
$20 MP
We arrived downtown at 3:30 PM. Tangerines marked “Winner” for the Plaza Valet! We had lots planned for downtown. First, Oscar’s (Oscar Goodman’s namesake restaurant) was supposed to open tonight…I wanted to have a martini with him. We had a show planned at 4 Queens, Dinner at Flame, Downtown match plays and our annual ‘Downtown Medley’… had a couple of challenges planned too: A game of mini golf at Swingers Bar, a video game challenge at Insert Coins and a race on the Zip line!
At Plaza check-in we were informed that Oscar’s wasn’t opening until Saturday (I don’t think it really opened until Tuesday). We gave them Tangerines anyway. The standard rooms a Plaza have been refitted with furniture and fixtures from the Unfunked Fountainbleu. The problem is the Standard Plaza rooms are too small for the furniture, so it’s a litte bit of an awakward setup. We don’t care.
View of Plaza from Plaza
Our plans changed quickly though. As we got off the elevator, Robin complained about hemorrhagic fever like symptoms. He thought he was going to start puking. We decided that it would be best if I head over to Main Street Station and start drinking while he took care of biness. After MSS I’d check to see if Robin wanted to continue the plan or go to the hospital or something in between. I walked over to Main Street Station….I carried a nice supply of Tangerines in a Christmas Shopping Bag and I was sporting the luckiest of all Lucky Hats.
Luckiest of Lucky Hats (Stock Footage)
This was my first ever stop at the 777 Brewpub at MSS. For some reason I thought they had Video Poker at the Bar. That was a disappointment, but I went ahead and ordered their sampler. The sampler was 5 short glasses of their outstanding standard microbrews + two additional glasses of their seasonal brews.
I was behind schedule. I was concerned about Robin. I was annoyed that I couldn’t play VP while drinking. I passed the bartender a Tangerine Bag marked “Bye!” and I put those beers away quickly…one after another. Might have taken 5 minutes…man those are some potent brewskies!
I returned to our room feeling no pain. Robin was moaning in pain. He was concerned about the red splotches that were appearing on his face. He’s thinking food poisoning from the whitefish. I’m thinking dehydration and sun/windburn or perhaps some exotic disease or parasite ….In any case, not likely to be immediately life threatening. I got Robin a bottle of water from the vending machine and we decided it would be best if I soldiered on alone.
And so I struck out on my own. It was lot of responsibility for me in my condition. I was to carry the Gambling Wallet and attempt all of our match plays. I had Tangerines. I intended to drink for both of us. I would normally leave all of my personal money behind except for maybe a hundred bucks….just so I wouldn’t inadvertently gamble my entire bankroll away. Unfortunately, in a state of temporary stupor I forgot to do that.
My first stops were Plaza and Vegas Club for match plays. Then I headed over to Four Queens to turn in my voucher for a ticket to the Mike Hammer Comedy Magic Show. I realized that I no longer had Santa’s Shopping Bag of Tangerines….Dang…I must have left it at Vegas Club or Plaza.
Returned to the Blackjack table at Vegas Club and asked the dealer if I left my Tangerines there. He just stared at me as if I wasn’t speaking English. “My Bag, Santa’s Bag of Tangerines! Have you seen it?...Did I leave it here?” I demanded. He called the pit boss over. “I lost my Tangerines” I complained. He claimed they didn’t have them. This same process was repeated at Plaza. Dang. Someone must have stolen my tangerines. That’s ok. We still had the case in the car and lots of bags…but I’ll miss Santa’s Christmas Shopping Bag.
I returned to Four Queens and made my way to the Chicago Brewery. It was still a half hour before seating for the show. Popped a $20 into their Bartop VP and ordered “Their Strongest Beer”. “Ah, you want the IPA”. Yes, that’s what I wanted. After downing that 6.2 IPA. I returned to the showroom and took my seat. Hey there’s a bar in here too! I asked the barkeep :”How much is a Bombay Sapphire Martini”. “Nine Bucks” he proclaimed. “Wow! That’s kind of expensive”, I retorted as I handed over a ten spot and a couple of dollar coins. He winked and said “I’ll make it a good one”. And he did. He basically filled a 12 ounce plastic cup with Bombay Sapphire goodness. I asked if that was a double. He claimed it was a quintuple.
The Martini was fantastic…but there’s no way I can drink a double double + 1. What I need is a way to save some of it for later. Dang, where’s that 25 ounce BPA Free Bottle… I forgot it in the room. Ok…maybe I can drink that. It’s already half gone now and the show hasn’t even started.
Eventually Mike Hammer came on stage. I already finished my martini. For some reason I just couldn’t get into the show. It has a lot of audience participation and I wasn’t too keen on participating. He would unzip his pants periodically and pull out playing cards…big whoop. The woman next to me had an inane cackle that was really grating on me and it just wasn’t funny the way that room was spinning around and around. When I started to wonder if it would be funny if I threw up on the cackling woman next to me, I knew I had to get out of there…these were not righteous thoughts. I waited until the perfect time, put my hat on and left.
Mike Hammer…Note his logo: Get Hammer’d (I did).
It was so nice to get outside and breathe the fresh downtown air. I needed food. Badly. Deep fried Twinkie wasn’t going to do it. Staggered on down to the Flame Restaurant at El Cortez and had a very nice NY Steak Dinner (1/2 off LVA). I was still pretty drunk though.
There should have been alarms going off in my head when I sauntered up to the El Cortez Craps table. It was too early in the trip. I had too much of my bankroll on me. The game was cold as ice and I kept digging into my wallet. Lots of $20’s and there goes a hundy. When I finally came to my senses, I knew I had to get off that table and head down to the Zip line for a wild ride home….That’s the ticket.
When I realized that I had to walk up stairs to the Zip line, I just kept on ambling down
Fremont…back to the Plaza…Maybe little game of Mini Golf at Swingers Bar. You’ve got to be kidding me. The mini golf was on raised platforms that surrounded the room. Each hole was just a little Indoor/outdoor carpet and a Hole with Flag. It’s like the course was designed by Chewbacca. No mechanical obstacles, windmills, titanic replicas…nothing. This was a mini golf travesty. A person would have to be drunk to waste time and money here.
Less than Mini Golf at Swingers.
I returned to the room. It was barely 11:00 PM. I was still drunk. Robin appeared to be breathing so that was a good sign. I just fell into bed. Technically it was the second time I fell into bed drunk today.
Friday December 16 2011
It’s morning. I heard Robin stirring, opened one eye and surveyed the room. No dismembered hookers…always a plus. Cool, I’m already dressed! Hey! There’s my Secret Santa bag with Tangerines…I didn’t lose it after all. And Robin’s face looks less blotchy. It’s going to be a Grand Day! Wait a minute. Where’s the Gambling Wallet…and how much did I REALLY lose last night?
Upon closer examination, I quickly found the Gambling Wallet in one of my many pockets. (Side Note: I’m a big fan of pockets and will eventually replace my entire wardrobe with overpocketed clothing from www.scottevest.com. The older you get, the more pockets you need, but it can be awkward when you start losing important stuff like money in your own pockets. As I get older, I plan to label my pockets with little upside down letters to remind me what goes where). As to my personal wallet it was way lighter. That’s right. I almost blew through my entire gambling bankroll on the evil EL Cortez Craps table.
Hash House
Breakfast at the new Plaza Hash House A Go Go. Robin was fully recovered. We were both Hungry. We both had the special certified angus beef steak and eggs special. ($10 Restaurant.com certificate).
The food was good and I’m glad to see Plaza with some interesting Restaurants like Hash House, Oscars, Island Sushi and Zaba’s Mexican.
Overall, the Plaza is much improved and I would be happy to stay there again. It may not be the Grand Belle of Downtown, but it’s not the snot shack either.
Robin actually had most of our wins yesterday. That would change today.
Western
10 MP
First visit to the Western in all my years traveling to Vegas. Hmmm. What a peculiar smell! Kind of like a blend of Stale Cigarette Smoke, Vomit and Industrial Chemicals. 6/5 blackjack here??…you gotta be kiddin’ me.
Gold Spike
On the Gold Spike’s web site they tout a $10 free slot play for new sign-ups. In real life, they haven’t done that for months. We walked out. No Tangerines for you.
Silver Nugget
$10.00 Free Money + $20 MP
Always pretty friendly here. Tangerines for the slot club clerk!
(Here’s a link to the Free Money Coupon…It was honored by Silver Nugget and Operahouse but not Lucky Club) https://luckysilvergaming.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/FreePlay_LSG.pdf
Operahouse
$10 Free Money + Up to $200 Loss Rebate.
This was our first ‘Loss Rebate’ play of the trip and first ever visit to Operahouse. We decided to risk only $40 each on this play…double it and quit…lose it and play the rebate once…I went first on a VP game. A few hands in, I hit four of a kind…my total was about $90 bucks. I cashed out. Robin went with his $40 and lost. He was rebated $20 in CASH and we left posthaste.
I was looking was forward to enjoying some classic opera music …Mozart, Verdi, Puccini….I’ve got news for you …They don’t play music. This place is shady and smelly. It smells worse than the Western. Kind of like a blend of Stale Cigarette Smoke, Vomit, Industrial Chemicals and Poop. Robin used the restroom before we left. He claimed it was the nastiest public restroom he’s seen in years. So beware, if you’re going to make the rebate play, there is a potential Minus ESV (Expected Smell Value) at this joint and remember not to shake anyone’s hand. It doesn’t bother me…. I can be a little smelly too, but it may bother you.
North Star
Play 20 Get 20.
North Star is a standalone bar out in North Las Vegas a few miles from Cannery. It’s fine example of a modern American video poker sports bar. 60” HD TV’s are everywhere. It’s clean….almost antiseptic.
We had Internet coupons for a “Play 20 Get 20” promotion, but weren’t sure if this was a matchplay or rebate or what. It was pretty clear that out-of-towners on coupon runs weren’t the clientele they were looking for though. They wanted locals, but not locals coming to take advantage of them…It’s like they were expecting people to lose their $20 and then get it rebated and then keep on playing all afternoon. If you did happen to win, you’d still get your $20 as long as you played $20. The bartender was nice to us…It’s just the entire time she was explaining how they were looking for us to play a long time and lose, Steve Miller’s ”Take the Money and Run” was cranked up. This was our intention after all. Irony gives me great joy.
Even more ironic: my second four of a kind today happened on my fourth hand….When you get four of a kind at North Star…you get a ‘video spin’ for free play. I won another $15 in free play! Everyone at the bar was cheering me on. My name also went into the hopper for a Free Drawing. I was really starting to like this place. …Robin lost 20 and got 20 and was Even Steven….We left..up another $60.
Lucky Club
These buggers failed to honor the bogus $5.00 free slot play coupon I printed off the Internet. They were also a little snotty about it. They were supposed to “feel lucky that we were there” that’s their tagline. We hated this place when it was the Speedway. Now they’ll be lucky if Robin or I ever grace their casino to take advantage of them again. No Tangerines for you.
Circus Circus
$90 in Win Cards for $60
They sold us both $30 for 20 and $15 for $10.
TI
Sign Up Bonus $20
Tuscany
$10 Matchplay $20 Signup Bonus
Terribles
$20 MP
Hard Rock
Catch 22 Squared. Last year they would not honor the 2010 ACG Free slot play coupon because we had already used one over a year ago in 2009 (Even though the fine print said 1 per year). This year they would not honor the 2012 ACG Matchplay. They claimed they could not accept any 2012 coupon in 2011…even though every other casino did and they accepted our 2010 coupons in 2009.
Ellis Island
Played our $40 FP
Bally’s..
It’s about 5:00 PM and we’re back at home base. Valet Park the car. We won’t need the Silver Dodge Avenger again until Sunday. From here on out it’s “Strip Time”….on foot or on the monorail.
We walked to Cosmopolitan passing through Paris and stopping at Planet Hollywood to pick up tonight’s tickets to ‘LA Comedy Club’.
Cosmopolitan
The funny Identity Club guy explained exactly how the loss rebate works. We had intended to eat at the Wicked Spoon Buffet tonight, because we had a BOGO coupon. It turns out that if we had used that coupon, we wouldn’t be eligible for the loss rebate. Tangerines marked “Have Fun” for the slot club!
Our plan for the loss rebate was to each either lose the $100 and play the rebate or double our stake to $200. On my 5th hand I hit 4 of a Kind for over $200. This was my third Four of a Kind today…I felt vindicated for all the times I lost stuff in my pockets.
Robin was up and down on his initial $100. I was thirsty and hadn’t seen a cocktail waitress in eons so I went in search of one. Finally found her, but we weren’t playing in her area. She graciously agreed to bring me a Bombay Sapphire Martini (better make it a double) anyway. After a few minutes our real Cocktail waitress showed up and I had to order another Double Bombay Sapphire Martini.
Both CW’s arrived at the same time and were rewarded with golden dollars and tangerines. I continued to order Double Bombay Sapphire Martinis as Robin continued to work his machine…never doubling, but never quite breaking either.
Many Martinis
I was tipping well and the waitress was fast…In jest, She eventually accused me of ‘having a hollow leg’…little did she know…I was not only drinking my Bombay Sapphire Martinis, but saving them too! (Take that Marie). Yes! I brought the 25 ounce BPA free Bottle. It fit nicely in my jacket’s inside pocket. From this point forward, the BPA free bottle will forever be known as ‘The Martini Bank’.
By the time Robin lost his $100 and ran through his rebate ($98 returned) the Martini Bank was nearly full and I was nearly drunk. We would return tomorrow to continue my rebate run, but for now we needed some quick food.
Dinner was at Holsteins at Cosmopolitan.
Holsteins is a fantastic burger joint with a wide assortment of high quality burgers, shakes and accessories. I had the $16.50 ‘The Rising Sun’ which included: Kobe Beef, teriyaki glaze, nori furikake, crispy yam, spicy mayo & tempura avocado. Robin had the $13.50 ‘Classic’ with lettuce, tomato, onion, mayo, ketchup & pickles. We both had $8.00 milkshakes. Everything was quite tasty and I’m sure was made with the finest ingredients. With tip we spent $55 for two burgers and two milkshakes. The service was great and they were fine burgers and milkshakes…but burgers and milkshakes nonetheless.
Walked back to Planet Hollywood and walked once around the Miracle Mile. Finally seated at Cabo Wabo for their 9:00 PM LA Comedy Show Club. The ‘headliner’ was comedian/magician Todd Paul. He made fun of magicians who pulled cards out of their pants. Had some decent routines. There were some issues with the sound system though…and we couldn’t hear about 1/3 of his performance. There was also a drunk woman eating out on the patio who would occasionally scream “Fajitas!” at the top of her lungs….every time she yelled the crowd cracked up.
Here’s a little tip. A lot of the shows we attend we get tickets from Vegas-4 Locals via E-bay auctions. We get them CHEAP. For example; 2 tickets to Mike Hammer was $10. Two Tickets to LA Comedy was $10. It’s so cheap, it’s not even a shame to waste them if your plans change.
Returned to Bally’s and crashed.
Saturday December 17, 2011
Bills
$20 MP
IP
$20 MP
Met up with Egglady and Eggman. Nice to meet them! Gave them two bags of tangerines marked To Tannie and To Jeff from Alan and Robin. Bought our 24 hour Monorail Passes and rode the rail back to Ballys. Walked down to Planet Hollywood and crossed the street to Cosmopolitan.
Cosmo
Since Robin had already used his rebate he was now eligible to get the two for 1 voucher for Wicked Spoon. Loved that Buffet. It’s in my top 3 now. One tip for Wicked Spoon: There was a long line to enter. They have a group of connected tables down the center of the room that seats about 30 people. That they call ‘The Tall Table’. If there’s space available, you can go right to the front of the line if you don’t mind sitting at the Tall Table. We enjoyed the Tall Table. We lorded it over the peons at the short tables.
I tried to double my $100 again. Our plan was to increase the denomination each day of the rebate, so that by Monday I’d be playing VP at the $25 level. Found a $2 machine and lost my hundy in short order. My rebate returned $103 and I made several deposits to the Martini Bank. The Cosmopolitan Rebate is a great offer and it’s extended until March. Don’t miss out on this one!
Walked to the Westin.
$50 MP
Walk to Flamingo Station and Monorail to IP
Attended the 3:00 PM Mac King Comedy Magic Show. This was now the third Comedy Magic Show of the trip. Mac was fun performer who we both enjoyed. He also managed to unzip and pull cards out of his pants. Is this some kind of new Magician’s rite of passage? I may start carrying playing cards down there.
Hilton
$20 MP
Walk to Riviera
100 In 60 FP
When we got to Riviera, we were pressed for time. We had 7:30 dinner reservations at MIX at THE Hotel at Mandalay Bay and it was already 5:15.. Everything was slow at Riviera. Eventually an ancient Cocktail waitress and asked me “What cha want, hon?” “Why a Bombay Sapphire Martini” I replied. “We don’t comp Bombay Sapphire, Shoog….How about nice Tanqueray”. “No thanks. I’ll just take a nice glass of ice.” I responded. She looks at me incredulously…”That’s all you want is glass of ice?” “That’s right…a glass of ice”. I had no time to explain the highly complex world of Martini Banking. I just knew it was high time for a withdrawal.
Riviera was a real snafu. We only lost $14…but neither of our free slot plays worked correctly so we both had to return to the slot club. The entire ordeal took 45 min.
6:00 PM…could we make it from Riviera to Bally’s then to MIX in 90 minutes using only our legs and the monorail? Quickly walked from Rivera to Hilton. Monorail to Bally’s. Up to the room to pick up the coupon. Back to the monorail. Down to MGM. Over to Tropicana. Over to Excalibur. Tram to Mandalay Bay. Up the elevator to MIX. Arrived at exactly 7:30 PM!
MIX
MIX is Alain Ducasse’s award winning restaurant that sits atop THEHotel at Mandaly Bay (64th floor). The average check at MIX is $90 per person. Robin and I had a special challenge for tonight’s dinner…I call it the “Eat at Mix for under $13 apiece (Including tip) challenge”.
The challenge all started when I noticed that the $50 restaurant.com certificate for MIX was actually for ‘2 entrees’. Usually these $50 certificates are worded something like ‘$50 off with $100 minimum purchase’. It turns out there is actually a $29 entrée available at MIX…”Roasted Free Range Chicken”. Using this coupon also subjects you to an automatic 18% gratuity on the original amount….So in theory, a person should be able to eat at MIX for $9.22 per person before tax ((29 * 2 = 58) + 10.44 (tip) = 68.44 (- $50 = 18.44) / 2 = 9.22 before tax). …Why that was cheaper than Kentucky Fried Chicken.
To keep within the challenge we’d have to resist MIX’s $20 appetizers, Side Plates, Desserts, and overpriced drinks (I pack my own now anyway).
Our waiter was way cool. Had no problem with us seemingly poor coupon customers ordering the cheapest entree on the menu. We started with nice bread assortment…and free bottled water (Score!). I just wanted ice….then on to the main course. The chicken was beautifully prepared…Breast and Thigh. The breast was filleted, but still had its skin. That’s a nice trick. The thigh was a perfect triangle fillet. It was a wonderful presentation on a bed of chopped mixed bell peppers. A drizzled wine and a jus reduction skirted the bird. It was quite simply the best chicken I’ve ever eaten…and Robin felt the same. It was tender, juicy, flavorful and served hot….Robin almost succumbed to the $20 desserts…but since we declined, they brought us complementary chocolate baked things…Score Again.
This was a fine dinner in a fantastic setting. With the restaurant.com certificate and a little discipline, it may be the best meal value in all Las Vegas.
Mandalay Bay
$60 Win Card Chips for $40
Luxor
60 Win Card Chips for 40
We’ve been doing these Win Card deals for a couple of years now. Luxor was our first real Win Card hit as Robin turned his $30 in chips into $70 in cash.
Hooters
$300 in free play (‘Special Slots Only’). Special Slots for Special Gamblers.
MGM
Annual Lion’s Share Play. Robin lost his $20. I made a $60 profit.
We returned to Bally’s. I made a withdrawal from the Martini Bank, played around Bally’s a bit and then called it a night.
Sunday December 19, 2011
Got up early to decide on our communal sports bets. Robin and I put a lot of work into our sports bets. We analyze games leading up to our week. We make fake picks against the spread and record our results. We listen to the radio and sports programs looking for an edge. This year we decide to risk a total of $135. A $50 best bet, a couple of $25 bets and 6 $10 parlays.
Downtown Again
Since Robin didn’t get to experience a lot of Downtown we returned. Had a nice Lunch at Magnolias in 4 Queens. Then, just kicked around downtown. We would each put up $5.00 a special play at each casino…double it or lose it and then split our winnings. Robin did some of the advantage plays he missed Thursday. We also got deals for Free Blackjack Ace on $10 bets (Coupons outside Four Queens and Binions) Still missed the damn zip line.
Back to Bally’s
Returned to Bally’s around 4:30. We needed to cash in our sports bets winners. Unfortunately we had NO sports bet winners. God, we suck at sports betting. It was finally time….time to divvy up the spoils of our hard earned communal gambling. When everything was said and done, we each got our $100 back PLUS an additional $300 each. That’s right…we tripled our community bankroll.
On the way out of Bally’s we each put a $20 on the Chargers to beat the Ravens…a last ditch effort to salvage our sports betting dignity.
Dinner and Show.
Miguel’s the Tequilla Bar at SouthPoint offers $2.00 tequila drinks Thursday through Sunday from 5:00 PM to 7:00 PM. This $2.00 tequila is not some rot gut wormy stuff, but your choice among 25 premium tequilas. Robin and I sat at the bar and watched the Charger game. I availed myself to a nice assortment of three Tequilas. The man and woman next to us were retired locals…he was originally from Cork Ireland. I told them that I brought something from Fresno especially for them. Tangerines marked FUN! And Tangerines for the Bartenders too. We were having a grand time! They tried a few admitted they were the best tangerines they ever ate.
From Miguel’s we walked next door to Primarily Prime Rib.
Had a delicious prime rib diner including a huge baked potato with all the fixin’s, pea soup and dinner salad. I’ll really miss the LVA ½ off of for this restaurant. After dinner we walked on down to the Soutpoint Showroom….for:
Shecky’s Last Gig.
Shecky Green has been a comic and Vegas Headliner for over 50 years. He’s now 85. His exploits are legendary...everything from 28 Vegas DUI’s (ending up with car in Caesar’s Fountains) to climbing the curtain and performing his show from the curtain top at the Tropicana. He partied with Frank and Dean and Buddy Hacket and Rickles.…and was pulling down $100,000 a week in the 70’s.
We got our tickets for Shecky’s Sunday December 18th Performance at SouthPoint using our LVA 2fer….didn’t know what to expect from an 85 year old comic.
Shecky went nonstop for an hour and half. He sang Opera, he made up songs, he made up language…he spun tales and wove the audience in and out of his amazing performance. And finally after an incredible act he came out with this:
So now my wife who's the greatest person in the world...
So we're going to New York…from Palm Springs.
She didn't want me to take these three days
She pleaded with me. She said "You're finished. You're out of show business" she says. "That's the end of it".
I said "Marie, I gambled a little bit. I could use the extra money"
(Audience laughs)
So now she's ok.
So today. She's packed up to go to New York and I called her.
and I said to her "Honey. Everything's going good"
I said "Did you see CB and Billy Davis?"
She says "Who, who are they?"
Now, they're kind of close to us because they're our neighbors.
I said "Billy Davis and CB"
..and she don't know who they are...
She goes "No, no who are they?"
Now I'm here when I should be there. I'm here
And now I'm gettin'...
(A hush comes over the audience.)
Look how nice this audience is.
Isn't it wonderful that you can come in and see a comic and he puts you right in the shithouse before you leave?
So now she says to me "Dogs are here"
I says "How's Sophie?"
She says "Who?"
Sophie's my dog.
Sofie's six years old. She's been our dog for 6 years.
She forgot Sophie's name.
You hear this?
So now, I gotta do this show.
Now think about it.
I'm thinking about my wife and I'm thinking that I gotta do this show and make people laugh and entertain them.
So I says "I can't"...But, I came out on this stage..and I didn’t have a clue if I could do it…but then as I went along, I realized the greatness of this business.
Of course you gave me something.
I felt that energy coming back to me and I said to myself..."It'll be nothing with my wife...maybe a little TIA or something. It’s nothing.”
But because of that I could have really destroyed this show....because of that happening.
But you as an audience....you checked it...and
I want you all to get together and sing to me a Beatles song. (Audience cracks up….It’s an ad lib reference to an earlier audience interaction)
(And then he saunters up to the piano and belts out a final song…)
“Isn't this a bunch of junk and shit?
After all these years I been here this is it.
I must bid you a fond adieu
I'm afraid the show is through
As you go through the door
I want you to know there is no more.
You'll never again see the name Shecky Green upon the marquee
I think that people have had just about enough of me
..but may I say I didn't have enough of you
I love you all
I love you all
...and that is true.”
As people were filing out I took a big bag of tangerines marked “To Shecky From Robin and Alan” up to the stage. The piano player was breaking down some equipment and he promised to give them to Shecky. I wonder if he got them.
Back to Bally’s.
Cashed our winning Charger bets…Ok we don’t totally suck at sports betting…we mostly suck.. I had exactly $600 Cash…$60 more than I brought. Time to get downstairs and PARTY….but first a pause…
“Since Friday night, I have been collecting excess Sapphire Martinis the Martini Bank. In fact I'm withdrawing one from the Martini Bank right now....ahhh, I'll never forget the Martini Bank again.”
After my fantastic Martini, I laid on the bed to rest my eyes for a second. Next thing I know it’s 5:00 AM. NOW is the time. Took $200 down to the Bally’s $10 craps table. Lost it all quicky. Back upstairs for more money. I am clearly on tilt. 6:00 AM. Walked across Flamingo to Bills. Bills has always been good to me. The craps table was choppy and then a dude on the other end started getting hot. He was hitting point after point and a lot of hard-ways. When he finished up I had a big stack of chips in front of me that included winning my first Fire Bet for 4 points ($5 * 25). I knew it was time to go.
8:00 AM….back at the room. I now had $950. Gave Robin $650 to hold for me. I was set. Trip was completely paid for and once again I am a Winner…and even better there’s till money for my ‘Last Stand’.
Breakfast at Paris Le Village Buffet.
We had the breakfast buffet at Paris. At first it looks a little pricey at $18.95…but if you show your Harrah’s card its $17.95 and then less the LVA $10 off coupon it’s a reasonable $7.95. Here’s a tip: For $10 a person you can skip the line and take the VIP lane right to a table. I call it the Express Bribe. We were winners…so why wait in a 45 minute line? No reason!
Tropicana
The Tropicana rebate signup was quick and easy. So was losing my $200. If you lose $200 you get $100 back immediately in free play and another hundred back in a couple of weeks (You have up to a year to use that) I got my $100 rebate and turned it into $103. Now another $100 in freeplay awaits my return.
The Last Stand
Whiskey Pete’s holds a special place in my personal Vegas experiences. I first visited this joint in 1978 when it was a 3 pump gas station and a casino about the size of a radio shack. They had 1 small craps table then, and that’s where I first learned the game with my college buddies out on a 5 day drug induced road trip binge (but that’s another story entirely).
Since Robin and I started here it was only fitting that this would be the last stand…but what’s this? A large sign…If you’re looking for Table Games go across the street to Buffalo Bills or Primm Valley Casino. Drove to Buffalo Bills…It is permanently closed (You’d think they would fix the sign at Whiskey Pete’s rather than direct people to a defunct casino). Finally ended up at Primm Valley Resort Casino. After all that running around…I was going to make them pay.
Bellied up to the Craps table and started betting. Cute Asian dealer on my side of the table. Fat boxman controlling the game. The table was cold and I quickly lost most of my stake. Then we had a big turnaround. A playa got hot. Unfortunately I was so low I was starting with $3.00 bets…but doubling every roll. Got to the point where I had about $250 in bets working, but only $20 or so in the rack
….and then it happened. The point was 6. The lady let the dice fly. One die quickly landed on 3 while the other spun around a bit and landed as a perfectly cocked die nestled up against the dealers chips. The cute Asian dealer looked at it and refused to make the call. She pointed to the fat boxman who took one look and proclaimed “It’s a 4…Seven Out”. The die sitting perfectly on its corner was directly in front of me. No way that’s a 4. I was yelling…”That’s not a four…it’s a no roll!!.” Boxman yells back “It’s a 4…Pull the chips back” he nods at the dealer. The dealer pulls the chips back and the die settles on a 4. Dang. I felt screwed….but that was that.
Recap:
Visited 47 casinos, played and won many matchplays and slot plays.
Ellis Island Brewery Tour.
Distributed 38 bags of tangerines.
Robin got sick. I got drunk.
Invented Martini Banking.
Met Tannie and Jeff. Cool.
Saw Mac King, LA Comedy, Shecky Green, and ¼ Mike Hammer
Wicked Spoon, Baglemania, Hash House at Plaza, Flame, Holsteins, MIX, Le Village Buffet, Mad Greek, Primarily Prime Rib.
Final result...
Left with $550 Cash
Paid cash for everything.
Returned with $650 cash...Mission Accomplished.
Tropicana owes me $100 in free play next year.
If the Warriors win the NBA championship, The Plaza owes me $1,500.
If the Niners win the Superbowl, Primm owes me $400.
And yet, as I sit here in Fresno, I also think about the things we missed…Big Elvis, the Club Fortune sign-up bonus, The Longhorn Blackjack Tournament, the zip line, 75% of the Mike Hammer Comedy Magic show…That’s the great thing about Vegas. You can’t do everything no matter how hard you try. There’s always something new and exciting or even old and smelly that you’ve never experienced….just waiting for your next visit…
Ahhh… Next Time….
Primm Valley Resort, you took my bankroll…prepare to die.
El Cortez Craps Table “From Hell's heart, I stab at thee”
Hard Rock and Lucky Club, you stiffed us…Robin and I will get even….we’ve got a whole year to devise our plan to make you pay.
Tropicana, you’ve got $100 of freeplay waiting for me…that is so cool! Thank you very much!
FAJITASll!!
Some of this is from my live trip report, some is additional commentary after my return home.
Wednesday December 14, 2011
T-30 Minutes. Robin's on his way. The excitement builds.
Camera...Check
Clothes Check
Netbook Check
VN8100-PC Digital Voice Recorder Check
Lucky Hat(s) Check Check Check
400 Tangerines...Checkaroony.
Kissed MrsAlanLeroy goodbye and away we went. Should be there in 6 - 7 hours. I'll give a shout at Bakersfield...or Barstow.
The 400 mile drive was uneventful. A note on the Tangerines: These weren’t any old Clementines. These are the sweetest, most fantastic Algerian Tangerines known to mankind. They’re grown by a farmer a couple of miles from my house. He sells them for $14 a box . They were picked dead ripe today at the peak of their sweetness.
On the drive I’d pull out a Limited Edition Christmas Zip Lock Bag (With a To/From Label) and add some friendly greeting with my sharpie…Like “To Vegas From Fresno”. Or “Win Baby Win”. Or “777”. Or “Orange Crack”. Then we’d pack the tangerines into baggies and put the baggies into my Secret Santa Shopping Bag 5 filled ziplocks or so at a time. We intended to bring some Christmas Cheer to Vegas and brighten up the lives of all whose path we crossed….and we did….intend that.
“First off, we finally made it to Bally’s (We have 5 nights comped here). Long trip though. Robin had two nose bleeds and he's in pain from his torn up knee and his severed finger. He just mans up (and takes his pain meds every 6 hours).”
A stop in Baker at the Mad Greek, a Stop at Whiskey Pete’s to see the Bonnie and Clyde Death Car and a stop at LVA world headquarters to pick up our POV's that were hidden under the ashtray. We made it to Bally’s in great time...
Spreadin' some Orange Love....Bag lableled "California Gold" to the Valet. Bag labeled "To Vegas From Fresno” to Black Elvis the Check-In-Clerk.
Free upgrade to the North Tower Diamond Floor room….Thanks Elvis!
“It's now 12:24 AM. I have this incredible urge to go to Arizona Charlie’s Decatur and play Bingo. Never been there and I don't know why it's calling my name. I think I will just go downstairs and have some tequila instead”.
View From Bally’s
Headed downstairs in search of the Tequila Bar. Found Robin who was in search of Keno. Found cocktail waitress who claimed she could bring me a Bombay Sapphire martini....I said "make it a double". I have this new Vegas Drinking Concept (VDC). I got a Stainless steel water bottle...BPA free...25 ounces (thanks to suggetions from the LVADVICE board...it was a great improvement over 6 flasks). It has a belt clip. I'm going to order excess Bombay Sapphire martinis and pour them into my bottle and save them for when I really need them....like if I need to have an emergency party or something.
Gave Robin a buck to play an 8 spot quick pick keno ticket while I awaited the return of CW. Tipped her a couple of dollar coins (I brought 25 of these for some special tips)....Hey! Yuck. That's not Bombay Sapphire! She returned to the bar to get me a 'real' Bombay Sapphire martini while I drank the fake.
She did return with a real one. I gave her a bag of tangerines marked 'Go'. Dang, I left my BPA Free Bottle in the car. I guess I'll just have to drink this one too.
Found Robin. My 1 dollar keno ticket hit 6 out of 8...I’ve already won 80 bucks and I haven’t even started. Strutted over and gave the Keno writer 2 dollar coins and a Tangerine Bag marked 'Happy'. Wow...nice start. We picked up Sports Book odds sheets and returned to room...slightly drunk and $80 richer. The Drunk get Richer and the Rich get Drunker. I'll have to work on my Sapphire Martini To-Go concept tomorrow.
The Tangerine Supply
Clyde's Holy Shirt
The Bonnie and Clyde Death Car
More Death Car
Big day planned tomorrow...24 casinos...A Blackjack Tourney. A show. Hang out with Oscar Goodman...and much, much more.
A note on how Robin and I gamble. We both contribute $100 to the Gambling Wallet (GW). Then, we try for every free play, match play and signup bonus humanly possible. All wins are placed into the GW. Sunday morning we place a portion of our winnings on Sports Bets and then Sunday night we split our communal winnings and move to PG (Personal Gambling). Yes, we’re gambling commies. Our communal gambling takes us all over town. Our routes and timings are precision planned. We never hit all our targets, but we’re good at making plan adjustments.
As far as the trip report goes, I’ll just point out the various places we stopped and what kind of play we made and any particular notes that readers might find informative. I’ll not to bore you with all the wins and losses though. If you have any questions about a particular play…(like where we got $25 match plays for Westin for example) ask away!
I’m happy as long as I have a hundred or two for a last stand at a craps table on the way out of town. I pay cash for most everything and never visit the ATM in Vegas. Running out of money early is not an option. This trip I brought $540: $300 to gamble and $240 for expenses. Kind of thin for 5 days, but the community gambling system always saves us.
Thursday December 15, 2011
Breakfast at Baglemania.
A great Jewish Deli a couple of miles off-strip. Robin had the Whitefish salad. I had a breakfast sandwich. We’re already running late. Our first plan adjustment: We’re cancelling the planned 12:00 PM Blackjack Tournament at Longhorn and our signup bonus at Fortune Casino in Henderson.
Ellis Island
Ran through our initial $20 POV and $20 ACG Free Play requirements. Robin had some good hits. Already up $40 with another $40 in FP available tomorrow.
A few weeks back I found a phone number on Ellis Island’s web site to arrange a Brewery Tour. I called that number a few times before our trip and left messages Brewmaster Joe Picket. Eventually I got a call back from ‘Mark in Customer Service’. He told me that there are no prearranged times for tours, but Joe was usually there Monday – Friday between 10:00 AM and 2:00 PM. If Joe was there and had the time, he’d probably give us a tour.
We found Brewmaster Joe Pickett hanging out in front of the Brewery. I said “Joe…They told us you’d give us a tour”. He said “Who is they” I said “Your voice mail…I’m the guy who left you 30 messages last week”. He laughed “Oh the stalker’
….Joe knows more about beer than any person I've ever met. He designed the Ellis Island Brewery 15 years ago. Joe’s first job out of college was in a Brewery in Wisconsin. He left that to run a Chemical Plant, but eventually returned to his first love…Beer and has been brewing it for over 40 years.
Brewmaster Joe Picket….he knows his beer
Who knew that this silo out front was a fully functional grain silo that moves grain from storage into the brewery?
Mash and Kettle.
Storage Tanks.
Joe with the distribution panel. Beer (and root beer) are pressurized and sent right from the tank to the tap. Joe claims Ellis Island is the world’s largest brew pub in terms of volume served in-house…Over 1 million glasses a year.
Gold Coast
$10 MP $20 FSP
Palms
$20 MP $80 for $50 SP
Orleans
$20 MP $20 FSP
Longhorn
$20 MP. Note…We learned their ‘Daily’ Blackjack Tournament has been reduced to three days a week. Good thing we didn’t bust our butts to get here. It didn’t happen today.
Sam’s Town
$20 MP + 10 FSP
Jerry’s Nugget
$20 MP
We arrived downtown at 3:30 PM. Tangerines marked “Winner” for the Plaza Valet! We had lots planned for downtown. First, Oscar’s (Oscar Goodman’s namesake restaurant) was supposed to open tonight…I wanted to have a martini with him. We had a show planned at 4 Queens, Dinner at Flame, Downtown match plays and our annual ‘Downtown Medley’… had a couple of challenges planned too: A game of mini golf at Swingers Bar, a video game challenge at Insert Coins and a race on the Zip line!
At Plaza check-in we were informed that Oscar’s wasn’t opening until Saturday (I don’t think it really opened until Tuesday). We gave them Tangerines anyway. The standard rooms a Plaza have been refitted with furniture and fixtures from the Unfunked Fountainbleu. The problem is the Standard Plaza rooms are too small for the furniture, so it’s a litte bit of an awakward setup. We don’t care.
View of Plaza from Plaza
Our plans changed quickly though. As we got off the elevator, Robin complained about hemorrhagic fever like symptoms. He thought he was going to start puking. We decided that it would be best if I head over to Main Street Station and start drinking while he took care of biness. After MSS I’d check to see if Robin wanted to continue the plan or go to the hospital or something in between. I walked over to Main Street Station….I carried a nice supply of Tangerines in a Christmas Shopping Bag and I was sporting the luckiest of all Lucky Hats.
Luckiest of Lucky Hats (Stock Footage)
This was my first ever stop at the 777 Brewpub at MSS. For some reason I thought they had Video Poker at the Bar. That was a disappointment, but I went ahead and ordered their sampler. The sampler was 5 short glasses of their outstanding standard microbrews + two additional glasses of their seasonal brews.
I was behind schedule. I was concerned about Robin. I was annoyed that I couldn’t play VP while drinking. I passed the bartender a Tangerine Bag marked “Bye!” and I put those beers away quickly…one after another. Might have taken 5 minutes…man those are some potent brewskies!
I returned to our room feeling no pain. Robin was moaning in pain. He was concerned about the red splotches that were appearing on his face. He’s thinking food poisoning from the whitefish. I’m thinking dehydration and sun/windburn or perhaps some exotic disease or parasite ….In any case, not likely to be immediately life threatening. I got Robin a bottle of water from the vending machine and we decided it would be best if I soldiered on alone.
And so I struck out on my own. It was lot of responsibility for me in my condition. I was to carry the Gambling Wallet and attempt all of our match plays. I had Tangerines. I intended to drink for both of us. I would normally leave all of my personal money behind except for maybe a hundred bucks….just so I wouldn’t inadvertently gamble my entire bankroll away. Unfortunately, in a state of temporary stupor I forgot to do that.
My first stops were Plaza and Vegas Club for match plays. Then I headed over to Four Queens to turn in my voucher for a ticket to the Mike Hammer Comedy Magic Show. I realized that I no longer had Santa’s Shopping Bag of Tangerines….Dang…I must have left it at Vegas Club or Plaza.
Returned to the Blackjack table at Vegas Club and asked the dealer if I left my Tangerines there. He just stared at me as if I wasn’t speaking English. “My Bag, Santa’s Bag of Tangerines! Have you seen it?...Did I leave it here?” I demanded. He called the pit boss over. “I lost my Tangerines” I complained. He claimed they didn’t have them. This same process was repeated at Plaza. Dang. Someone must have stolen my tangerines. That’s ok. We still had the case in the car and lots of bags…but I’ll miss Santa’s Christmas Shopping Bag.
I returned to Four Queens and made my way to the Chicago Brewery. It was still a half hour before seating for the show. Popped a $20 into their Bartop VP and ordered “Their Strongest Beer”. “Ah, you want the IPA”. Yes, that’s what I wanted. After downing that 6.2 IPA. I returned to the showroom and took my seat. Hey there’s a bar in here too! I asked the barkeep :”How much is a Bombay Sapphire Martini”. “Nine Bucks” he proclaimed. “Wow! That’s kind of expensive”, I retorted as I handed over a ten spot and a couple of dollar coins. He winked and said “I’ll make it a good one”. And he did. He basically filled a 12 ounce plastic cup with Bombay Sapphire goodness. I asked if that was a double. He claimed it was a quintuple.
The Martini was fantastic…but there’s no way I can drink a double double + 1. What I need is a way to save some of it for later. Dang, where’s that 25 ounce BPA Free Bottle… I forgot it in the room. Ok…maybe I can drink that. It’s already half gone now and the show hasn’t even started.
Eventually Mike Hammer came on stage. I already finished my martini. For some reason I just couldn’t get into the show. It has a lot of audience participation and I wasn’t too keen on participating. He would unzip his pants periodically and pull out playing cards…big whoop. The woman next to me had an inane cackle that was really grating on me and it just wasn’t funny the way that room was spinning around and around. When I started to wonder if it would be funny if I threw up on the cackling woman next to me, I knew I had to get out of there…these were not righteous thoughts. I waited until the perfect time, put my hat on and left.
Mike Hammer…Note his logo: Get Hammer’d (I did).
It was so nice to get outside and breathe the fresh downtown air. I needed food. Badly. Deep fried Twinkie wasn’t going to do it. Staggered on down to the Flame Restaurant at El Cortez and had a very nice NY Steak Dinner (1/2 off LVA). I was still pretty drunk though.
There should have been alarms going off in my head when I sauntered up to the El Cortez Craps table. It was too early in the trip. I had too much of my bankroll on me. The game was cold as ice and I kept digging into my wallet. Lots of $20’s and there goes a hundy. When I finally came to my senses, I knew I had to get off that table and head down to the Zip line for a wild ride home….That’s the ticket.
When I realized that I had to walk up stairs to the Zip line, I just kept on ambling down
Fremont…back to the Plaza…Maybe little game of Mini Golf at Swingers Bar. You’ve got to be kidding me. The mini golf was on raised platforms that surrounded the room. Each hole was just a little Indoor/outdoor carpet and a Hole with Flag. It’s like the course was designed by Chewbacca. No mechanical obstacles, windmills, titanic replicas…nothing. This was a mini golf travesty. A person would have to be drunk to waste time and money here.
Less than Mini Golf at Swingers.
I returned to the room. It was barely 11:00 PM. I was still drunk. Robin appeared to be breathing so that was a good sign. I just fell into bed. Technically it was the second time I fell into bed drunk today.
Friday December 16 2011
It’s morning. I heard Robin stirring, opened one eye and surveyed the room. No dismembered hookers…always a plus. Cool, I’m already dressed! Hey! There’s my Secret Santa bag with Tangerines…I didn’t lose it after all. And Robin’s face looks less blotchy. It’s going to be a Grand Day! Wait a minute. Where’s the Gambling Wallet…and how much did I REALLY lose last night?
Upon closer examination, I quickly found the Gambling Wallet in one of my many pockets. (Side Note: I’m a big fan of pockets and will eventually replace my entire wardrobe with overpocketed clothing from www.scottevest.com. The older you get, the more pockets you need, but it can be awkward when you start losing important stuff like money in your own pockets. As I get older, I plan to label my pockets with little upside down letters to remind me what goes where). As to my personal wallet it was way lighter. That’s right. I almost blew through my entire gambling bankroll on the evil EL Cortez Craps table.
Hash House
Breakfast at the new Plaza Hash House A Go Go. Robin was fully recovered. We were both Hungry. We both had the special certified angus beef steak and eggs special. ($10 Restaurant.com certificate).
The food was good and I’m glad to see Plaza with some interesting Restaurants like Hash House, Oscars, Island Sushi and Zaba’s Mexican.
Overall, the Plaza is much improved and I would be happy to stay there again. It may not be the Grand Belle of Downtown, but it’s not the snot shack either.
Robin actually had most of our wins yesterday. That would change today.
Western
10 MP
First visit to the Western in all my years traveling to Vegas. Hmmm. What a peculiar smell! Kind of like a blend of Stale Cigarette Smoke, Vomit and Industrial Chemicals. 6/5 blackjack here??…you gotta be kiddin’ me.
Gold Spike
On the Gold Spike’s web site they tout a $10 free slot play for new sign-ups. In real life, they haven’t done that for months. We walked out. No Tangerines for you.
Silver Nugget
$10.00 Free Money + $20 MP
Always pretty friendly here. Tangerines for the slot club clerk!
(Here’s a link to the Free Money Coupon…It was honored by Silver Nugget and Operahouse but not Lucky Club) https://luckysilvergaming.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/FreePlay_LSG.pdf
Operahouse
$10 Free Money + Up to $200 Loss Rebate.
This was our first ‘Loss Rebate’ play of the trip and first ever visit to Operahouse. We decided to risk only $40 each on this play…double it and quit…lose it and play the rebate once…I went first on a VP game. A few hands in, I hit four of a kind…my total was about $90 bucks. I cashed out. Robin went with his $40 and lost. He was rebated $20 in CASH and we left posthaste.
I was looking was forward to enjoying some classic opera music …Mozart, Verdi, Puccini….I’ve got news for you …They don’t play music. This place is shady and smelly. It smells worse than the Western. Kind of like a blend of Stale Cigarette Smoke, Vomit, Industrial Chemicals and Poop. Robin used the restroom before we left. He claimed it was the nastiest public restroom he’s seen in years. So beware, if you’re going to make the rebate play, there is a potential Minus ESV (Expected Smell Value) at this joint and remember not to shake anyone’s hand. It doesn’t bother me…. I can be a little smelly too, but it may bother you.
North Star
Play 20 Get 20.
North Star is a standalone bar out in North Las Vegas a few miles from Cannery. It’s fine example of a modern American video poker sports bar. 60” HD TV’s are everywhere. It’s clean….almost antiseptic.
We had Internet coupons for a “Play 20 Get 20” promotion, but weren’t sure if this was a matchplay or rebate or what. It was pretty clear that out-of-towners on coupon runs weren’t the clientele they were looking for though. They wanted locals, but not locals coming to take advantage of them…It’s like they were expecting people to lose their $20 and then get it rebated and then keep on playing all afternoon. If you did happen to win, you’d still get your $20 as long as you played $20. The bartender was nice to us…It’s just the entire time she was explaining how they were looking for us to play a long time and lose, Steve Miller’s ”Take the Money and Run” was cranked up. This was our intention after all. Irony gives me great joy.
Even more ironic: my second four of a kind today happened on my fourth hand….When you get four of a kind at North Star…you get a ‘video spin’ for free play. I won another $15 in free play! Everyone at the bar was cheering me on. My name also went into the hopper for a Free Drawing. I was really starting to like this place. …Robin lost 20 and got 20 and was Even Steven….We left..up another $60.
Lucky Club
These buggers failed to honor the bogus $5.00 free slot play coupon I printed off the Internet. They were also a little snotty about it. They were supposed to “feel lucky that we were there” that’s their tagline. We hated this place when it was the Speedway. Now they’ll be lucky if Robin or I ever grace their casino to take advantage of them again. No Tangerines for you.
Circus Circus
$90 in Win Cards for $60
They sold us both $30 for 20 and $15 for $10.
TI
Sign Up Bonus $20
Tuscany
$10 Matchplay $20 Signup Bonus
Terribles
$20 MP
Hard Rock
Catch 22 Squared. Last year they would not honor the 2010 ACG Free slot play coupon because we had already used one over a year ago in 2009 (Even though the fine print said 1 per year). This year they would not honor the 2012 ACG Matchplay. They claimed they could not accept any 2012 coupon in 2011…even though every other casino did and they accepted our 2010 coupons in 2009.
Ellis Island
Played our $40 FP
Bally’s..
It’s about 5:00 PM and we’re back at home base. Valet Park the car. We won’t need the Silver Dodge Avenger again until Sunday. From here on out it’s “Strip Time”….on foot or on the monorail.
We walked to Cosmopolitan passing through Paris and stopping at Planet Hollywood to pick up tonight’s tickets to ‘LA Comedy Club’.
Cosmopolitan
The funny Identity Club guy explained exactly how the loss rebate works. We had intended to eat at the Wicked Spoon Buffet tonight, because we had a BOGO coupon. It turns out that if we had used that coupon, we wouldn’t be eligible for the loss rebate. Tangerines marked “Have Fun” for the slot club!
Our plan for the loss rebate was to each either lose the $100 and play the rebate or double our stake to $200. On my 5th hand I hit 4 of a Kind for over $200. This was my third Four of a Kind today…I felt vindicated for all the times I lost stuff in my pockets.
Robin was up and down on his initial $100. I was thirsty and hadn’t seen a cocktail waitress in eons so I went in search of one. Finally found her, but we weren’t playing in her area. She graciously agreed to bring me a Bombay Sapphire Martini (better make it a double) anyway. After a few minutes our real Cocktail waitress showed up and I had to order another Double Bombay Sapphire Martini.
Both CW’s arrived at the same time and were rewarded with golden dollars and tangerines. I continued to order Double Bombay Sapphire Martinis as Robin continued to work his machine…never doubling, but never quite breaking either.
Many Martinis
I was tipping well and the waitress was fast…In jest, She eventually accused me of ‘having a hollow leg’…little did she know…I was not only drinking my Bombay Sapphire Martinis, but saving them too! (Take that Marie). Yes! I brought the 25 ounce BPA free Bottle. It fit nicely in my jacket’s inside pocket. From this point forward, the BPA free bottle will forever be known as ‘The Martini Bank’.
By the time Robin lost his $100 and ran through his rebate ($98 returned) the Martini Bank was nearly full and I was nearly drunk. We would return tomorrow to continue my rebate run, but for now we needed some quick food.
Dinner was at Holsteins at Cosmopolitan.
Holsteins is a fantastic burger joint with a wide assortment of high quality burgers, shakes and accessories. I had the $16.50 ‘The Rising Sun’ which included: Kobe Beef, teriyaki glaze, nori furikake, crispy yam, spicy mayo & tempura avocado. Robin had the $13.50 ‘Classic’ with lettuce, tomato, onion, mayo, ketchup & pickles. We both had $8.00 milkshakes. Everything was quite tasty and I’m sure was made with the finest ingredients. With tip we spent $55 for two burgers and two milkshakes. The service was great and they were fine burgers and milkshakes…but burgers and milkshakes nonetheless.
Walked back to Planet Hollywood and walked once around the Miracle Mile. Finally seated at Cabo Wabo for their 9:00 PM LA Comedy Show Club. The ‘headliner’ was comedian/magician Todd Paul. He made fun of magicians who pulled cards out of their pants. Had some decent routines. There were some issues with the sound system though…and we couldn’t hear about 1/3 of his performance. There was also a drunk woman eating out on the patio who would occasionally scream “Fajitas!” at the top of her lungs….every time she yelled the crowd cracked up.
Here’s a little tip. A lot of the shows we attend we get tickets from Vegas-4 Locals via E-bay auctions. We get them CHEAP. For example; 2 tickets to Mike Hammer was $10. Two Tickets to LA Comedy was $10. It’s so cheap, it’s not even a shame to waste them if your plans change.
Returned to Bally’s and crashed.
Saturday December 17, 2011
Bills
$20 MP
IP
$20 MP
Met up with Egglady and Eggman. Nice to meet them! Gave them two bags of tangerines marked To Tannie and To Jeff from Alan and Robin. Bought our 24 hour Monorail Passes and rode the rail back to Ballys. Walked down to Planet Hollywood and crossed the street to Cosmopolitan.
Cosmo
Since Robin had already used his rebate he was now eligible to get the two for 1 voucher for Wicked Spoon. Loved that Buffet. It’s in my top 3 now. One tip for Wicked Spoon: There was a long line to enter. They have a group of connected tables down the center of the room that seats about 30 people. That they call ‘The Tall Table’. If there’s space available, you can go right to the front of the line if you don’t mind sitting at the Tall Table. We enjoyed the Tall Table. We lorded it over the peons at the short tables.
I tried to double my $100 again. Our plan was to increase the denomination each day of the rebate, so that by Monday I’d be playing VP at the $25 level. Found a $2 machine and lost my hundy in short order. My rebate returned $103 and I made several deposits to the Martini Bank. The Cosmopolitan Rebate is a great offer and it’s extended until March. Don’t miss out on this one!
Walked to the Westin.
$50 MP
Walk to Flamingo Station and Monorail to IP
Attended the 3:00 PM Mac King Comedy Magic Show. This was now the third Comedy Magic Show of the trip. Mac was fun performer who we both enjoyed. He also managed to unzip and pull cards out of his pants. Is this some kind of new Magician’s rite of passage? I may start carrying playing cards down there.
Hilton
$20 MP
Walk to Riviera
100 In 60 FP
When we got to Riviera, we were pressed for time. We had 7:30 dinner reservations at MIX at THE Hotel at Mandalay Bay and it was already 5:15.. Everything was slow at Riviera. Eventually an ancient Cocktail waitress and asked me “What cha want, hon?” “Why a Bombay Sapphire Martini” I replied. “We don’t comp Bombay Sapphire, Shoog….How about nice Tanqueray”. “No thanks. I’ll just take a nice glass of ice.” I responded. She looks at me incredulously…”That’s all you want is glass of ice?” “That’s right…a glass of ice”. I had no time to explain the highly complex world of Martini Banking. I just knew it was high time for a withdrawal.
Riviera was a real snafu. We only lost $14…but neither of our free slot plays worked correctly so we both had to return to the slot club. The entire ordeal took 45 min.
6:00 PM…could we make it from Riviera to Bally’s then to MIX in 90 minutes using only our legs and the monorail? Quickly walked from Rivera to Hilton. Monorail to Bally’s. Up to the room to pick up the coupon. Back to the monorail. Down to MGM. Over to Tropicana. Over to Excalibur. Tram to Mandalay Bay. Up the elevator to MIX. Arrived at exactly 7:30 PM!
MIX
MIX is Alain Ducasse’s award winning restaurant that sits atop THEHotel at Mandaly Bay (64th floor). The average check at MIX is $90 per person. Robin and I had a special challenge for tonight’s dinner…I call it the “Eat at Mix for under $13 apiece (Including tip) challenge”.
The challenge all started when I noticed that the $50 restaurant.com certificate for MIX was actually for ‘2 entrees’. Usually these $50 certificates are worded something like ‘$50 off with $100 minimum purchase’. It turns out there is actually a $29 entrée available at MIX…”Roasted Free Range Chicken”. Using this coupon also subjects you to an automatic 18% gratuity on the original amount….So in theory, a person should be able to eat at MIX for $9.22 per person before tax ((29 * 2 = 58) + 10.44 (tip) = 68.44 (- $50 = 18.44) / 2 = 9.22 before tax). …Why that was cheaper than Kentucky Fried Chicken.
To keep within the challenge we’d have to resist MIX’s $20 appetizers, Side Plates, Desserts, and overpriced drinks (I pack my own now anyway).
Our waiter was way cool. Had no problem with us seemingly poor coupon customers ordering the cheapest entree on the menu. We started with nice bread assortment…and free bottled water (Score!). I just wanted ice….then on to the main course. The chicken was beautifully prepared…Breast and Thigh. The breast was filleted, but still had its skin. That’s a nice trick. The thigh was a perfect triangle fillet. It was a wonderful presentation on a bed of chopped mixed bell peppers. A drizzled wine and a jus reduction skirted the bird. It was quite simply the best chicken I’ve ever eaten…and Robin felt the same. It was tender, juicy, flavorful and served hot….Robin almost succumbed to the $20 desserts…but since we declined, they brought us complementary chocolate baked things…Score Again.
This was a fine dinner in a fantastic setting. With the restaurant.com certificate and a little discipline, it may be the best meal value in all Las Vegas.
Mandalay Bay
$60 Win Card Chips for $40
Luxor
60 Win Card Chips for 40
We’ve been doing these Win Card deals for a couple of years now. Luxor was our first real Win Card hit as Robin turned his $30 in chips into $70 in cash.
Hooters
$300 in free play (‘Special Slots Only’). Special Slots for Special Gamblers.
MGM
Annual Lion’s Share Play. Robin lost his $20. I made a $60 profit.
We returned to Bally’s. I made a withdrawal from the Martini Bank, played around Bally’s a bit and then called it a night.
Sunday December 19, 2011
Got up early to decide on our communal sports bets. Robin and I put a lot of work into our sports bets. We analyze games leading up to our week. We make fake picks against the spread and record our results. We listen to the radio and sports programs looking for an edge. This year we decide to risk a total of $135. A $50 best bet, a couple of $25 bets and 6 $10 parlays.
Downtown Again
Since Robin didn’t get to experience a lot of Downtown we returned. Had a nice Lunch at Magnolias in 4 Queens. Then, just kicked around downtown. We would each put up $5.00 a special play at each casino…double it or lose it and then split our winnings. Robin did some of the advantage plays he missed Thursday. We also got deals for Free Blackjack Ace on $10 bets (Coupons outside Four Queens and Binions) Still missed the damn zip line.
Back to Bally’s
Returned to Bally’s around 4:30. We needed to cash in our sports bets winners. Unfortunately we had NO sports bet winners. God, we suck at sports betting. It was finally time….time to divvy up the spoils of our hard earned communal gambling. When everything was said and done, we each got our $100 back PLUS an additional $300 each. That’s right…we tripled our community bankroll.
On the way out of Bally’s we each put a $20 on the Chargers to beat the Ravens…a last ditch effort to salvage our sports betting dignity.
Dinner and Show.
Miguel’s the Tequilla Bar at SouthPoint offers $2.00 tequila drinks Thursday through Sunday from 5:00 PM to 7:00 PM. This $2.00 tequila is not some rot gut wormy stuff, but your choice among 25 premium tequilas. Robin and I sat at the bar and watched the Charger game. I availed myself to a nice assortment of three Tequilas. The man and woman next to us were retired locals…he was originally from Cork Ireland. I told them that I brought something from Fresno especially for them. Tangerines marked FUN! And Tangerines for the Bartenders too. We were having a grand time! They tried a few admitted they were the best tangerines they ever ate.
From Miguel’s we walked next door to Primarily Prime Rib.
Had a delicious prime rib diner including a huge baked potato with all the fixin’s, pea soup and dinner salad. I’ll really miss the LVA ½ off of for this restaurant. After dinner we walked on down to the Soutpoint Showroom….for:
Shecky’s Last Gig.
Shecky Green has been a comic and Vegas Headliner for over 50 years. He’s now 85. His exploits are legendary...everything from 28 Vegas DUI’s (ending up with car in Caesar’s Fountains) to climbing the curtain and performing his show from the curtain top at the Tropicana. He partied with Frank and Dean and Buddy Hacket and Rickles.…and was pulling down $100,000 a week in the 70’s.
We got our tickets for Shecky’s Sunday December 18th Performance at SouthPoint using our LVA 2fer….didn’t know what to expect from an 85 year old comic.
Shecky went nonstop for an hour and half. He sang Opera, he made up songs, he made up language…he spun tales and wove the audience in and out of his amazing performance. And finally after an incredible act he came out with this:
So now my wife who's the greatest person in the world...
So we're going to New York…from Palm Springs.
She didn't want me to take these three days
She pleaded with me. She said "You're finished. You're out of show business" she says. "That's the end of it".
I said "Marie, I gambled a little bit. I could use the extra money"
(Audience laughs)
So now she's ok.
So today. She's packed up to go to New York and I called her.
and I said to her "Honey. Everything's going good"
I said "Did you see CB and Billy Davis?"
She says "Who, who are they?"
Now, they're kind of close to us because they're our neighbors.
I said "Billy Davis and CB"
..and she don't know who they are...
She goes "No, no who are they?"
Now I'm here when I should be there. I'm here
And now I'm gettin'...
(A hush comes over the audience.)
Look how nice this audience is.
Isn't it wonderful that you can come in and see a comic and he puts you right in the shithouse before you leave?
So now she says to me "Dogs are here"
I says "How's Sophie?"
She says "Who?"
Sophie's my dog.
Sofie's six years old. She's been our dog for 6 years.
She forgot Sophie's name.
You hear this?
So now, I gotta do this show.
Now think about it.
I'm thinking about my wife and I'm thinking that I gotta do this show and make people laugh and entertain them.
So I says "I can't"...But, I came out on this stage..and I didn’t have a clue if I could do it…but then as I went along, I realized the greatness of this business.
Of course you gave me something.
I felt that energy coming back to me and I said to myself..."It'll be nothing with my wife...maybe a little TIA or something. It’s nothing.”
But because of that I could have really destroyed this show....because of that happening.
But you as an audience....you checked it...and
I want you all to get together and sing to me a Beatles song. (Audience cracks up….It’s an ad lib reference to an earlier audience interaction)
(And then he saunters up to the piano and belts out a final song…)
“Isn't this a bunch of junk and shit?
After all these years I been here this is it.
I must bid you a fond adieu
I'm afraid the show is through
As you go through the door
I want you to know there is no more.
You'll never again see the name Shecky Green upon the marquee
I think that people have had just about enough of me
..but may I say I didn't have enough of you
I love you all
I love you all
...and that is true.”
As people were filing out I took a big bag of tangerines marked “To Shecky From Robin and Alan” up to the stage. The piano player was breaking down some equipment and he promised to give them to Shecky. I wonder if he got them.
Back to Bally’s.
Cashed our winning Charger bets…Ok we don’t totally suck at sports betting…we mostly suck.. I had exactly $600 Cash…$60 more than I brought. Time to get downstairs and PARTY….but first a pause…
“Since Friday night, I have been collecting excess Sapphire Martinis the Martini Bank. In fact I'm withdrawing one from the Martini Bank right now....ahhh, I'll never forget the Martini Bank again.”
After my fantastic Martini, I laid on the bed to rest my eyes for a second. Next thing I know it’s 5:00 AM. NOW is the time. Took $200 down to the Bally’s $10 craps table. Lost it all quicky. Back upstairs for more money. I am clearly on tilt. 6:00 AM. Walked across Flamingo to Bills. Bills has always been good to me. The craps table was choppy and then a dude on the other end started getting hot. He was hitting point after point and a lot of hard-ways. When he finished up I had a big stack of chips in front of me that included winning my first Fire Bet for 4 points ($5 * 25). I knew it was time to go.
8:00 AM….back at the room. I now had $950. Gave Robin $650 to hold for me. I was set. Trip was completely paid for and once again I am a Winner…and even better there’s till money for my ‘Last Stand’.
Breakfast at Paris Le Village Buffet.
We had the breakfast buffet at Paris. At first it looks a little pricey at $18.95…but if you show your Harrah’s card its $17.95 and then less the LVA $10 off coupon it’s a reasonable $7.95. Here’s a tip: For $10 a person you can skip the line and take the VIP lane right to a table. I call it the Express Bribe. We were winners…so why wait in a 45 minute line? No reason!
Tropicana
The Tropicana rebate signup was quick and easy. So was losing my $200. If you lose $200 you get $100 back immediately in free play and another hundred back in a couple of weeks (You have up to a year to use that) I got my $100 rebate and turned it into $103. Now another $100 in freeplay awaits my return.
The Last Stand
Whiskey Pete’s holds a special place in my personal Vegas experiences. I first visited this joint in 1978 when it was a 3 pump gas station and a casino about the size of a radio shack. They had 1 small craps table then, and that’s where I first learned the game with my college buddies out on a 5 day drug induced road trip binge (but that’s another story entirely).
Since Robin and I started here it was only fitting that this would be the last stand…but what’s this? A large sign…If you’re looking for Table Games go across the street to Buffalo Bills or Primm Valley Casino. Drove to Buffalo Bills…It is permanently closed (You’d think they would fix the sign at Whiskey Pete’s rather than direct people to a defunct casino). Finally ended up at Primm Valley Resort Casino. After all that running around…I was going to make them pay.
Bellied up to the Craps table and started betting. Cute Asian dealer on my side of the table. Fat boxman controlling the game. The table was cold and I quickly lost most of my stake. Then we had a big turnaround. A playa got hot. Unfortunately I was so low I was starting with $3.00 bets…but doubling every roll. Got to the point where I had about $250 in bets working, but only $20 or so in the rack
….and then it happened. The point was 6. The lady let the dice fly. One die quickly landed on 3 while the other spun around a bit and landed as a perfectly cocked die nestled up against the dealers chips. The cute Asian dealer looked at it and refused to make the call. She pointed to the fat boxman who took one look and proclaimed “It’s a 4…Seven Out”. The die sitting perfectly on its corner was directly in front of me. No way that’s a 4. I was yelling…”That’s not a four…it’s a no roll!!.” Boxman yells back “It’s a 4…Pull the chips back” he nods at the dealer. The dealer pulls the chips back and the die settles on a 4. Dang. I felt screwed….but that was that.
Recap:
Visited 47 casinos, played and won many matchplays and slot plays.
Ellis Island Brewery Tour.
Distributed 38 bags of tangerines.
Robin got sick. I got drunk.
Invented Martini Banking.
Met Tannie and Jeff. Cool.
Saw Mac King, LA Comedy, Shecky Green, and ¼ Mike Hammer
Wicked Spoon, Baglemania, Hash House at Plaza, Flame, Holsteins, MIX, Le Village Buffet, Mad Greek, Primarily Prime Rib.
Final result...
Left with $550 Cash
Paid cash for everything.
Returned with $650 cash...Mission Accomplished.
Tropicana owes me $100 in free play next year.
If the Warriors win the NBA championship, The Plaza owes me $1,500.
If the Niners win the Superbowl, Primm owes me $400.
And yet, as I sit here in Fresno, I also think about the things we missed…Big Elvis, the Club Fortune sign-up bonus, The Longhorn Blackjack Tournament, the zip line, 75% of the Mike Hammer Comedy Magic show…That’s the great thing about Vegas. You can’t do everything no matter how hard you try. There’s always something new and exciting or even old and smelly that you’ve never experienced….just waiting for your next visit…
Ahhh… Next Time….
Primm Valley Resort, you took my bankroll…prepare to die.
El Cortez Craps Table “From Hell's heart, I stab at thee”
Hard Rock and Lucky Club, you stiffed us…Robin and I will get even….we’ve got a whole year to devise our plan to make you pay.
Tropicana, you’ve got $100 of freeplay waiting for me…that is so cool! Thank you very much!
FAJITASll!!
