The players: My wife and I out for a comped night children free in Bally's Atlantic City with a free room and a $100 one time use food comp.
The trip started fairly well as we arrived about 9:15 p.m. and found a Rowan Approved (TM) parking space - 1 space from the casino level access door. Then the problems started...
Problem 1: We went to express check in as there was a long line at regular check in. Swipe credit card - no reservation found. Swipe Total Rewards card - no reservation found. Start to sweat. Okay - what did I do? Book the wrong hotel? Book the wrong night? Forget to hit the accept and confirm button? Panic sets in. Go get in line.
While waiting pull up harrahs dot com on dani's phone. There it is. Reservation for September 9, 2011 @ Bally's. Okay. What gives? Dani spots an employee fiddling at the self check in kiosks and goes up with my card and the confirmation number from the website. They fiddle around can't make it work.
Lady takes Dani (and me) to a regular check in. Finally checks us in. Kiosk problem - we had a king bed reserved and there weren't any available... so instead of it saying that our reservation type was not available and giving us other options or at least telling us to go to desk for asistance, it tells us it can't find our reservation. Wonderful programming. Way to panic your customers.
Problem 2: Lady gives us keys for Claridge Tower and writes room 1435 on the card. We head over to the Claridge Tower, take the elevator up to the 14th floor and step out. Upon stepping out of the elevator, it is immediately clear that not the entire tower has been renovated. The odor here is something like the wet musty smell associated with a floor on the pool level where the hall and carpets get too damp, but without the overreaching chlorine smell to kill the bad odor. Lovely.
Problem 3: Head over to room 1435 and insert key. Yellow light. Won't open. Try again. Same. Third try. Same. Fourth try. Nothing. Crap. Have to go back to the desk. First decide to triple check the room number. There it is 1435. Written in plain, indelible, blue ink. But wait! Look at the room charge card. Guest: me. Room: CL 1433. ummm... What the hell? Put key in room 1433. Green light. Okay. Open door and hope we don't walk in on people having sex (it isn't lesbian weekend yet, after all). Room is empty. phew.
Problem 4: Check out room. Everything clean enough and smell doesn't seem to permeate the room too badly. Check the adjoining door is locked. It is, but doesn't seem real tight. Oh well, we're probably more likely to have someone come in the front door anyway as I'm not sure we're supposed to be in room 1433 anyway. Double beds look fairly small but oh well. Drop bags and hope no one steals our stuff and head for dinner. It's 9:45 now. Check the "board" for what restaurants are open to use our $100 food comp. Settle on the steakhouse (the Reserve?) which is open until 11 pm and head up to the sixth floor. Go to the steakhouse. They already had their last seating. Errrrr... you're still open more than an hour... Oh well back to the board.
Problem 5: Arturo's is closed. Too late for Pickles now that we came here. Too late for buffet. Decide to try the Asian Fusion Restaurant on the 6th floor. Luckily they didn't have a gluten free menu, because as we waited to find that out, we also found out they don't take the comp slip there anyway. Thanks for the signage. Oh wait. There was no sign....
Problem 6: Screw it. We're stuck with 6ix: a Bistro. Sit down and begin the strange struggle of trying to figure out how to spend more money, not less as our comp is $100 and 6ix isn't real expensive. It was good we had this distraction, because 15 minutes later, our server finally walks by our table, then ducks her head back and asks, "Oh. Did you want to order." No. We were just enjoying the comfort of the ripped and shredded pleather seats you sat us on.
"Yes. I'd like to start with the buffalo wings." Dani orders the peel and eat shrimp appetizer. Ensue 5 minute lack of communication on how to make it gluten free. "Okay. I'll check with the chef," the server finally says. "And for an entree..." I begin, but find myself only speaking to the dust trail she left behind.... 10 minutes later someone comes by and asks us if we'd actually like something to drink. Really? I just thought we were supposed to go gulp down the Atlantic Ocean. "Two Pepsies please." A half hour after sitting down, we finally receive drinks. A few minutes after that, I receive my wings. "I'm sorry hun," the server tells us, "the cook is not in the kitchen for me to ask about the coctail sauce being gluten free." Ummm... who the hell made my buffalo wings?
"Okay, for my entree..." Crap. I'm talking to dust bunnies again... Watch the two guys at the next table hit on the three women sitting there for the next 10 minutes before we can finally waive down the server. Ensue 5 minute conversation again trying to explain a gluten allergy as dani orders the Broiled Flounder fish du jour with no veggies and a baked potato with everything. "And for an entree..." I look for the dust trail, but she is actually still there. I actually get to order something - 45 minutes after sitting down... "I'll have the pulled pork." "Which one hun?" "Ummm... there's only 1 on the menu." "No, there are two" as she points to the pulled pork and the pork loin options. "I... WOULD... LIKE... THE... MEMPHIS... PULLED... PORK... SANDWHICH..." Ah crap... I'm going to be eating spit if this meal is ever served to me.
Problem 7: 10 minutes later, A memphis pulled pork sandwich is placed in front of me (amazingly) and a plate of flounder, and an everything baked potato was put in front of dani. Funny, that looks like salmon. And that empty part of the plate that wasn't supposed to have any vegetables to avoid contamination looked strangely like broccoli and the everything baked potato looked, well, naked. Screw it. We aren't going to sit here any longer and eat any more spit, so dani orders a side of butter and sour cream and eats just her baked potato while I put down a few bites of spit pork... errrrr... pulled pork.
Waitress comes back eventually and I order a second pepsi. Yes, I know you are going to charge me another $3 for another glass of mostly ice with a little pepsi in it. I don't care cause it's not my money and your tip is going to suck anyway. And can I have a piece of cake. "I'll bring that in a box for you." Well, I was going to eat some of it, but to hell with it. Fine. Bring it in a box. As a matter of fact, bring me two and by the way, dani still hasn't gotten her shrimp yet. Could you bring that to go please. "No sauce." I say. "What kind of sauce would you like with that?" None. Air. Nothing. I fear it may come served with manchowder by now. And for god sakes, bring me the check please! The bill is $77, not a bad attempt for two to spend a lot at 6ix. We leave a $5 tip and she's lucky to get that, pay with the comp at the cashier, and get the hell out of there about 1 hour and 40 minutes after we sat down...
Problem 8: So it's a few ticks short of midnight and we are tired so we just go back to the room. Insert the key again wishing it was lesbian weekend just in case, but fortunately we still had no visitors to our room and all of our belongings were still there. Our spit upon dinner bounty goes in the fridge and exhausted, we go to bed for a night free from the overnight calls from our two beautiful young boys (who were with their grandparents) for some much needed rest. About a half hour later we found out we were in the freak show part of the hotel, as best I could tell. Our neighbors came back to the room right around 12:30 a.m. employing their outside voices. Actually, I think it was their drunk at a phillies game voices.
An undetermined number of people were in the room. I'd say at least four, but two of them were loud and clearly had some interesting "issues." The loud, hyena-like female apparently performed in some kind of play or maybe a traveling group that went to sex ed classes or something. I can't be sure, but apparently she was "a big wet vagina." Not that she had one. She WAS one. I know this because it was shouted several dozen times. Must have been an interesting costume.
And the gentleman was clearly some form of sexual deviant. I know this because every minute or so he announced that he either had, was, or wanted to fornicate with a large variety of objects. Apparently he tried to fornicate with a blackjack table, some dice, two different slot machines, a lamp, the Parkway, the bathroom, and the TV among a myriad of other objects. He just kept announcing that he wanted to fornicate things. Just about every word out of his mouth dealt with fornicating something. I sure hope he gets some help. Anyway, this went on for about a half hour.
We had almost lost tolerance at 1 a.m. when it stopped. It stated again about 1:30 a.m. and ran on and off until close to 3 a.m. and then stopped again as they left the room. Apparently he was going to find something else to attempt to fornicate and she was, well, I just have no idea there... So finally I doze off figuring it is over. 4 a.m. they return and now they are really loud. The whole floor - the bearded lady, the midget, and the human cannonball that must have been somewhere on the floor had to have heard them too. That's it. Security. Come shut these people up! All I heard was about 15 minutes later "No (fornicating) way!" Apparently the deviant had found something even he did not want to fornicate. Around 5 a.m. all is finally silent. 8 a.m. it's time to wakeup, shower, dress and get the hell out of this nightmare.
THE END... or is it?
The trip started fairly well as we arrived about 9:15 p.m. and found a Rowan Approved (TM) parking space - 1 space from the casino level access door. Then the problems started...
Problem 1: We went to express check in as there was a long line at regular check in. Swipe credit card - no reservation found. Swipe Total Rewards card - no reservation found. Start to sweat. Okay - what did I do? Book the wrong hotel? Book the wrong night? Forget to hit the accept and confirm button? Panic sets in. Go get in line.
While waiting pull up harrahs dot com on dani's phone. There it is. Reservation for September 9, 2011 @ Bally's. Okay. What gives? Dani spots an employee fiddling at the self check in kiosks and goes up with my card and the confirmation number from the website. They fiddle around can't make it work.
Lady takes Dani (and me) to a regular check in. Finally checks us in. Kiosk problem - we had a king bed reserved and there weren't any available... so instead of it saying that our reservation type was not available and giving us other options or at least telling us to go to desk for asistance, it tells us it can't find our reservation. Wonderful programming. Way to panic your customers.
Problem 2: Lady gives us keys for Claridge Tower and writes room 1435 on the card. We head over to the Claridge Tower, take the elevator up to the 14th floor and step out. Upon stepping out of the elevator, it is immediately clear that not the entire tower has been renovated. The odor here is something like the wet musty smell associated with a floor on the pool level where the hall and carpets get too damp, but without the overreaching chlorine smell to kill the bad odor. Lovely.
Problem 3: Head over to room 1435 and insert key. Yellow light. Won't open. Try again. Same. Third try. Same. Fourth try. Nothing. Crap. Have to go back to the desk. First decide to triple check the room number. There it is 1435. Written in plain, indelible, blue ink. But wait! Look at the room charge card. Guest: me. Room: CL 1433. ummm... What the hell? Put key in room 1433. Green light. Okay. Open door and hope we don't walk in on people having sex (it isn't lesbian weekend yet, after all). Room is empty. phew.
Problem 4: Check out room. Everything clean enough and smell doesn't seem to permeate the room too badly. Check the adjoining door is locked. It is, but doesn't seem real tight. Oh well, we're probably more likely to have someone come in the front door anyway as I'm not sure we're supposed to be in room 1433 anyway. Double beds look fairly small but oh well. Drop bags and hope no one steals our stuff and head for dinner. It's 9:45 now. Check the "board" for what restaurants are open to use our $100 food comp. Settle on the steakhouse (the Reserve?) which is open until 11 pm and head up to the sixth floor. Go to the steakhouse. They already had their last seating. Errrrr... you're still open more than an hour... Oh well back to the board.
Problem 5: Arturo's is closed. Too late for Pickles now that we came here. Too late for buffet. Decide to try the Asian Fusion Restaurant on the 6th floor. Luckily they didn't have a gluten free menu, because as we waited to find that out, we also found out they don't take the comp slip there anyway. Thanks for the signage. Oh wait. There was no sign....
Problem 6: Screw it. We're stuck with 6ix: a Bistro. Sit down and begin the strange struggle of trying to figure out how to spend more money, not less as our comp is $100 and 6ix isn't real expensive. It was good we had this distraction, because 15 minutes later, our server finally walks by our table, then ducks her head back and asks, "Oh. Did you want to order." No. We were just enjoying the comfort of the ripped and shredded pleather seats you sat us on.
"Yes. I'd like to start with the buffalo wings." Dani orders the peel and eat shrimp appetizer. Ensue 5 minute lack of communication on how to make it gluten free. "Okay. I'll check with the chef," the server finally says. "And for an entree..." I begin, but find myself only speaking to the dust trail she left behind.... 10 minutes later someone comes by and asks us if we'd actually like something to drink. Really? I just thought we were supposed to go gulp down the Atlantic Ocean. "Two Pepsies please." A half hour after sitting down, we finally receive drinks. A few minutes after that, I receive my wings. "I'm sorry hun," the server tells us, "the cook is not in the kitchen for me to ask about the coctail sauce being gluten free." Ummm... who the hell made my buffalo wings?
"Okay, for my entree..." Crap. I'm talking to dust bunnies again... Watch the two guys at the next table hit on the three women sitting there for the next 10 minutes before we can finally waive down the server. Ensue 5 minute conversation again trying to explain a gluten allergy as dani orders the Broiled Flounder fish du jour with no veggies and a baked potato with everything. "And for an entree..." I look for the dust trail, but she is actually still there. I actually get to order something - 45 minutes after sitting down... "I'll have the pulled pork." "Which one hun?" "Ummm... there's only 1 on the menu." "No, there are two" as she points to the pulled pork and the pork loin options. "I... WOULD... LIKE... THE... MEMPHIS... PULLED... PORK... SANDWHICH..." Ah crap... I'm going to be eating spit if this meal is ever served to me.
Problem 7: 10 minutes later, A memphis pulled pork sandwich is placed in front of me (amazingly) and a plate of flounder, and an everything baked potato was put in front of dani. Funny, that looks like salmon. And that empty part of the plate that wasn't supposed to have any vegetables to avoid contamination looked strangely like broccoli and the everything baked potato looked, well, naked. Screw it. We aren't going to sit here any longer and eat any more spit, so dani orders a side of butter and sour cream and eats just her baked potato while I put down a few bites of spit pork... errrrr... pulled pork.
Waitress comes back eventually and I order a second pepsi. Yes, I know you are going to charge me another $3 for another glass of mostly ice with a little pepsi in it. I don't care cause it's not my money and your tip is going to suck anyway. And can I have a piece of cake. "I'll bring that in a box for you." Well, I was going to eat some of it, but to hell with it. Fine. Bring it in a box. As a matter of fact, bring me two and by the way, dani still hasn't gotten her shrimp yet. Could you bring that to go please. "No sauce." I say. "What kind of sauce would you like with that?" None. Air. Nothing. I fear it may come served with manchowder by now. And for god sakes, bring me the check please! The bill is $77, not a bad attempt for two to spend a lot at 6ix. We leave a $5 tip and she's lucky to get that, pay with the comp at the cashier, and get the hell out of there about 1 hour and 40 minutes after we sat down...
Problem 8: So it's a few ticks short of midnight and we are tired so we just go back to the room. Insert the key again wishing it was lesbian weekend just in case, but fortunately we still had no visitors to our room and all of our belongings were still there. Our spit upon dinner bounty goes in the fridge and exhausted, we go to bed for a night free from the overnight calls from our two beautiful young boys (who were with their grandparents) for some much needed rest. About a half hour later we found out we were in the freak show part of the hotel, as best I could tell. Our neighbors came back to the room right around 12:30 a.m. employing their outside voices. Actually, I think it was their drunk at a phillies game voices.
An undetermined number of people were in the room. I'd say at least four, but two of them were loud and clearly had some interesting "issues." The loud, hyena-like female apparently performed in some kind of play or maybe a traveling group that went to sex ed classes or something. I can't be sure, but apparently she was "a big wet vagina." Not that she had one. She WAS one. I know this because it was shouted several dozen times. Must have been an interesting costume.
And the gentleman was clearly some form of sexual deviant. I know this because every minute or so he announced that he either had, was, or wanted to fornicate with a large variety of objects. Apparently he tried to fornicate with a blackjack table, some dice, two different slot machines, a lamp, the Parkway, the bathroom, and the TV among a myriad of other objects. He just kept announcing that he wanted to fornicate things. Just about every word out of his mouth dealt with fornicating something. I sure hope he gets some help. Anyway, this went on for about a half hour.
We had almost lost tolerance at 1 a.m. when it stopped. It stated again about 1:30 a.m. and ran on and off until close to 3 a.m. and then stopped again as they left the room. Apparently he was going to find something else to attempt to fornicate and she was, well, I just have no idea there... So finally I doze off figuring it is over. 4 a.m. they return and now they are really loud. The whole floor - the bearded lady, the midget, and the human cannonball that must have been somewhere on the floor had to have heard them too. That's it. Security. Come shut these people up! All I heard was about 15 minutes later "No (fornicating) way!" Apparently the deviant had found something even he did not want to fornicate. Around 5 a.m. all is finally silent. 8 a.m. it's time to wakeup, shower, dress and get the hell out of this nightmare.
THE END... or is it?
