A Spokesperson for Soylent Pharmaceuticals Co. of Jiuquan City responded to persistent inquiries from the Western Press about their suspicious medical capsules as follows:
"The charge published in International Business Times of San Francisco is balderdash.
As is widely recognized worldwide the Chinese will eat anything with legs that is not a table and anything that flies that is not an airplane. [laughter] The medicinal products produced by Soylent LLC and subsidiary the Jiuquan LeatherWorks are strictly intended to improve stamina in aging man. They comprise dried duck tongue, freeze-dried chicken feet, and pulverized hoof of musk oxen. And nothing more . . . except for gelatin from Jiuquan Horse Disposal Services LLC, another fine member of the Soylent family.
Any contrary Western publication is poppycock. Those who spread such rumor about People's Republic of China industry will be crushed by massive invasion of People's Liberation Army, . . . wearing fine Jiuquan Leatherworks footwear, . . . available at Payless and other discount retailers worldwide.
Thank you for to listen at me."