Nine things you might hear a Southern Trooper say
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
6. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
7. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
8. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
9. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
