Joke of the Day Thread

Peas porridge hot,
Peas porridge cold,
Food from the Circus Circus buffet is ten days old!

Two hats are sitting on a rack. One says to the other you stay here. I am going on ahead.

What do you have when you have pickled bread?

Answer: You have dildo!

If a guy jumped on your back would you beat him off?

A termite walks into a bar and asks, " Is the bartender here".


Rick

A guy is stranded on a deserted island with Ghengis Khan, Hitler and a lawyer. Stranded guy has a gun with two bullets. He ponders what to do. Suddenly, with a smile on his face, he makes his decision, pulls out his gun and shoots the lawyer twice.

Woman goes into see her doctor. He knees are all scarred and bloody.

The doctor asks " How did your knees get so damaged?"

Woman "From having sex doggy style."

Doctor: "Well, don't you know any other position?"

Woman: "I do, but my dog doesn't"

OHHHHHHHHHHH MY DOG...I mean, MY GOD!

Two Jehovah Witness' walk into a bar............

A brunette,redhead and a blonde are talking about the upcoming births of their children when the redhead woman says I think I am going to have a boy when it is born because I was on top when we conceived.

The brunette then says well I think I am going to have a girl because I was on the bottom when we conceived.

The blonde then starts crying.

Whats wrong? One of the ladies asks.

The blonde replies, I think I am going to have puppies!

A woman walks into a pharmacy. She goes up to the pharmacist and says, " I'd like to buy some arsenic." He asks her what she needs it for. She says, "To kill my husband." He replies, "Lady, if I sell you arsenic and you kill your husband, you'll go to jail for life, and I'll go to jail for selling it to you!"

She says, "Wait a minute!" and pulls out a photo out of her purse that shows the pharmacist wife in bed with her husband. The pharmacist looks at the photo....then looks at the woman and says, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had a prescription!"

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

Dirty Johnny....

It's the last day of school, 10 a.m., teacher says I'm going to ask a few questions, whoever gets them right can leave , the rest will have to stay till end of day...

First question...."FOUR SCORE AND SEVEN YEARS AGO"...a few hands go up, and Johnny is jumpin up and down and waving frantically...Teacher says, yes Susie, do you know the answer???...yes ma'm.... Abe Lincoln,,excellent Susie, have a great summer!!!

Next Question...."I HAVE A DREAM"...hands go up, and Johnny is goin crazy.."ohohohoh miss miss"....teacher says, yes Marie, do you have the answer???..yes ma'm,..... Martin Luther King..very good...have a great summer Marie

Dirty Johnny turns to Tommy beside him and says "I wish these bitches would shut the fck up">>>Teacher turns quickly and screams "who said that?"....Johnny yells, "TIGER WOODS"...have a great summer ma'm!!!