Joke of the Day Thread

What is the difference between roadkill and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?

The roadkill has skid marks in front of it.

What do you call 50,000 lawyers lying dead at the bottom of the ocean? - - - A good start !

A guy wakes up after a hard night of partying and can't remember what went on. He looks down at his dick and it has two distinct rings around it. One is red and the other is black. After unsuccessfully trying to remove them he decides to see a dermatologist. The dermatologist takes a sample of each ring and then goes to analyze it. After some time he comes back and says " I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that the red ring is lipstick. The bad news is that the black ring is Copenhagen."

How many perverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Answer: Only one but it takes the whole emergency room team to get it out!

Warning! Politically Incorrect Joke Coming Up!

How do you get 100 Polocks in a rowboat? Throw a penny in.

How do you get them out? Throw a bar of soap in.

Wow!


Will the Paddler be preaching to the Forum anymore?

This is a JOKE THREAD, Mr. JM. And since I immigrated from Cuba in 1962 and was the butt of many spic/wetback jokes, I am sure you will forgive me this once.

Oh, by the way, I am a lawyer, and as you may have noticed, I don't hesitate to poke fun at myself.

Yeah, whatever. I fixed it.

LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was 'fascinated.' The teacher said, 'Well, That was good Sally , but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.
Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried.

How do you know when your mistress has gained too much weight?

When she fits into your wife's clothes.
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What did the left testicle say to the right one?

That guy in the middle is a dick!

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What does a lawyer and a prostitute have in common?

They both get paid to get you off.