Lawyer Jokes

Please feel free to add to the list:


Q: What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70?
A: Your honor.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: His partners.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving or he is posting on the LVA

Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
A: Not enough cement.

What do you call a thousand lawyers in the bottom of the ocean?

Answer: A good start.

What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?

Answer: the skunk will have skid marks in front of it.

Q: What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?

A: A rooster clucks defiance.

Sharks won't attack lawyers out of professional courtesy.

Person 1: Do you know the difference between a lawyer and an asshole?
Person 2: No.
Person 1: There is no diiference, ha ha.
Person 2: I find that very offensive.
Person 1: Are you a lawyer?
Person 2: No, but I am an asshole.

It's 99% of the lawyers who give the other 1% a bad name.

Q. What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

A. A Dobberman

What do lawyers use for birth control?
. . . Their personalities.

It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

I find all of these jokes hilarious. The wife.....not so much.
I especially like the hands in their own pockets. Why anyone will pay $900 an hour for legal advice is beyond me.

How long before LVA is served with a cease and desist and this thread gets taken down?