Vegas Toga Party

April 23 2014:

It started off like any other day. Until I got THE Invitation. It was an e-mail from Las Vegas Weekly Magazine. I was undoubtedly on their mailing list from attending their 15th anniversary party last December. To my shock, Las Vegas Magazine and Everything 80’s wanted me and up to 3 of my ‘best buds’ to attend their Toga Party…On the Rooftop…..Of Larry Flint’s World Famous Hustler Club….on May 2…for free. That sounded like something I probably always wanted to do. I forwarded it to my gambling buddy Robin and within 20 minutes he had replied “Let’s Go. I’ll drive. You bring the sheets”.



There was much to do and little time to do it.

• First and foremost, I needed to convince Mrs. AlanLeroy that driving 400 miles with Robin to a Vegas Toga Party and returning in 24 hours was wise and appropriate behavior for a pillar of the community like me.
• Robin and I both needed to reschedule work related tasks
• We needed accommodations
• We needed a plan
• Last, but not least, we needed Togas…and not just any old sheet togas. I wanted real Togas…like the ones worn by the Citizens of Ancient Rome.

When I first breached the subject with Mrs AlanLeroy I was a little surprised at her reaction.

MrsAlanLeroy: ‘Why the hell would you want to go to a Toga Party at a sleazy Vegas strip club’…’To pick up women?’.
AlanLeroy “Of course not. This is a party sponsored by Las Vegas Magazine. It’s good clean fun…and I expect the movers and shakers of Vegas will be there’
MrsAlanLeroy: ‘Do you even know what the fuck a Toga Party is?”
AlanLeroy: Eh, er… It’s a party where everyone wears the ancient Roman toga?”
MrsAlanLeroy: No. It’s a party where people a lot younger than you dress up in sheets, get drunk and go have sex.
AlanLeroy: “I don’t think that’s what it is”

April 27:

It took a few days and Robins help, but the fact that I had worked about 30 straight days and really needed a break convinced Mrs. AlanLeroy that I should go to this “Damn Toga Party”…as long I didn’t do anything “Stupid”. Me? Stupid? I don’t think so.
I love that woman.

Robin and I had both managed to rearrange our busy work schedules. We got a great deal on a rental car and booked one night downtown at the Plaza. Of course Caesars would have been more appropriate, but rooms were $300 there.

That left one major piece to this puzzle….the Togas. I did quite a bit of Toga research.

From “Your own toga” https://histmyst.org/toga.html


“Shape: For an average-sized man, a toga would be about fifteen feet long and seven to seven-and-a-half feet wide in roughly an oval shape with the top half more squared than oval. “

Putting it on: “Most Romans who wore the toga were wealthy enough to own a slave to help them don it….The toga was not easy to wear. As noted, one had to keep one's left arm out; one needed help to put it on.”

Ok…we could work with that…even though we had no slaves to help with our togas, I thought we could probably enlist the concierge at the Plaza to help out….So I went to Mrs Alan Leroy with my toga design and asked her if she could sew a couple up for us. I wanted these togas to be special. I wanted multicolor material and pockets…lots of pockets to hold my important stuff. Like 6 pockets…zippered pockets, Velcro pockets, big and small pockets. Oh…and I wanted a Laurel Wreath Crown…made with real Laurel..not one of those fake cardboard crowns.

She looked at my design and laughed. She’s a busy businesswoman. She had no time to create 15 by 8 foot multi-pocketed ancient Roman togas for us. “Honey, you better try on some sheets. That’s all your going to get at this late date.” She quipped.

April 29

Undeterred, I started my Toga search. I called all of the local party supply places and checked local costume rentals. At this point, internet ordering with fast shipping was expensive and wasn’t guaranteed. Finally I drove over to my old standby Valley Novelty…a Fresno institution since 1948.


In the deep dark recesses of Valley Novelty, I discovered the Gods and Goddesses collection.


Inside Valley Novelty--Hair Today....Gone Tomorrow.

I picked out a Roman Nobleman Toga with Royal Purple Sash for Me and a Centurion with Red Cape and Kilt-Like Miniskirt for Robin. I called Robin and offered to pick his up while I was there. He didn’t like the sound of my Centurion Mini-Skirt description and thought he might just be more comfortable in a Noble Toga Like me. Wonderful….Twinsies. We felt it best to meet at Valley Novelty tomorrow with Mrs AlanLeroy to help assess the general worthiness of the emperors’ new clothes.

Mrs AlanLeroy didn’t like the idea of spending 40 bucks on a toga costume when all I really needed was a sheet. Yes. She really is a CFO. I convinced her that I would wear my new Roman Noble toga at least once a year for the next three years and then sell it on e-bay for a profit; thus, it was an incredible value.

April 30

Robin, Mrs AlanLery and I headed over to Valley Novelty at noon. I managed to convince Robin that he should go for the Centurion Kilt-Like Mini Skirt with Red Cape. I told him he would make a stylish Centurion. He even accessorized with a nice plastic sword.

Proud New Toga Owners

I was also able to negotiate a single large hidden toga pocket installation with Mrs AlanLeroy. The plan was coming together.


My Customized Roman Nobel Toga…with hidden pocket.

That night I began practicing my Old Latin in case it might be needed at the party:

Salvete! Hello!
Valete! Farewell!
Perio. I'm lost.
Mea culpa. My fault
Habesne plus vini? Do you have more wine?
Suppedisne? Did you fart quietly?
Mei capilli sunt flagrantes. My hair is on fire.

Friday May 2.
9:30 AM

We picked up a Chevy Cruze rental car at Fresno Yosemite International. (FAT) . Then dropped off Robin’s car at his place.

At 10:00 AM we were: On The Road Again! I drove.

One interesting side note from the ride over….Robin found the Grateful Dead Channel on Sirius Satellite Radio. I asked Robin if he had ever been to a Dead concert and he said ‘One’. I mentioned that I too had been to one Grateful Dead concert back in 1978 at UC Santa Barbara. Then I noticed the description on the currently playing song….”Live in Santa Barbara 1978”. Sirius played that concert for a full hour. Ok…That was weird….it brought back some partial memories of that day.

2:00 PM
About Barstow CA, we started brainstorming our Toga Party strategy. Probably should have addressed this a bit sooner…like in Visalia, as our first common thought was ‘What the hell are we really doing?”.

The basic issue was that we had no idea what to expect. Was it as Mrs AlanLeroy suggested: A party where young adults donned toga sheets, got drunk and went somewhere to have sex? Was it the elite friends of Las Vegas Magazine there to network and wind down from a hectic week of moving and shaking Las Vegas? Maybe it was a Caligulian vision of Roman debauchery, extravagance, and intense sexual perversity… Larry Flint’s World famous Hustler Club was the venue after all. One could only hope.

We considered making a movie: “Vegas Toga Party”. Robin would film it and I’d be the writer, director and star: “Flavious ….From Fresno”. There wasn’t enough time to plan a movie. We should have started that in Bakersfield.

We gave serious consideration to just letting the party come to us. Get there early. Get a prime location. Get drunk and what happens happens. But to what end? I promised not to be “stupid”. That really limited my options. My philosophy was that witnessing a little debauchery only nudges the stupid line. Participating crosses it.

Robin had no such limits, but really, what was he going to do? Meet some kinky toga woman, get her drunk and go back to the Plaza and have sex with her? Ok…well it’s nice for him to dream but the odds were against that happening….or so I thought.

3:15 PM

Finally at Baker CA we hit on it. Perhaps we could study this toga party scientifically; record our results…publish our findings and add to the world’s understanding of current North American Toga Party rituals.

The objectives of our study began to take form:
1. Photograph as many attendees as possible. This was in the interest of historical documentation and future analysis.
2. Meet as many attendees as possible. Get them to participle in a brief survey. Use the survey to establish a demographic profile.
3. Have Fun. Sorry. No longer an objective. Oh the sacrifices we make in the interest of Science.

We were still missing something though. The scientific method demands a Hypothesis and testing and analysis with conclusion. We also needed an easy way to engage the study participants…preferably without their knowledge (No Heisenberg).

With a single flash of insight, I solved both problems. Our Hypothesis: “Toga Party Participants with Roman Name Tags are ‘Luckier’ than those without”. We will simply assign a % of the party participants an Ancient Roman name and make them wear a Name Tag. Then, we’ll observe subject and control groups and record the results. The Naming process is also our opportunity to surreptitiously collect the results of our brief survey…. I know. Sometimes I surprise myself.

4:15 PM
By the time we got to Jean NV, Robin had jotted down some 50 Ancient Roman Names:25 men and 25 women. He had Google’s help on it.

We were in some pretty slow moving traffic on I15 as we paralleled the strip. I decided to get off on Sahara because the traffic in front of us was totally stopped and my Empty Gas Light just came on. 400 miles on a single tank wasn’t bad though. About 2 miles down Sahara, we found a Gas Station right in front of Office depot. Filled up and then hit OD for 100 Name Tags and 3 Sharpies. We were ready for a serious scientific study.

6:00 PM
Made it to Plaza a little before 6PM. There was a long line a check-in, but it moved fast. We had hoped to go to the Chart House Happy hour for dinner, but it was too late. Up to the room for a pit stop and then out on Fremont. Let me say this about Plaza. The room was clean. The plumbing worked. They had 2 free bottled waters waiting for us. I ask nothing more in a room.


We needed something quick to eat, but not too much food. Decided to walk over to Pizza Rock.


I’ve heard a lot of good things about this place. It was a good decision. We sat at the counter.


Pizza Rock


I had a meat and pepper


Robin had a veggie.

Great Crust. Tasty Pizza. I’ll be back.

Made a quick stop at Golden Nugget to get our $10 free play from the contest they had. We both cashed out $10.

8:00 PM
We returned to the plaza and got dressed for the big party.


Robinius


Hello: My name is Flavious.

I brought my 25 Ounce BPA Free Brushed Aluminum Water Bottle (AKA The Martini Bank) filled with 87% Bombay Sapphire East and 13% Martini Dry Vermouth. I filled up one plastic cup to make room for ice and then filled the bottle with ice. I figured it was about 18 ounces of Martini Goodness. Then I clipped it to a front belt loop on my cargo shorts. When the toga was in place, it was kind of inconspicuous….ok maybe it made it look like I had a giant schlong hiding under my toga. I could live with that.

Yes we got stares in the elevator heading to the Valet. It’s kind of amazing the way the whole attitude changes with a little explanation…This happened many times…

ElevatorRider: Thinking: “Who the fuck are these idiots?”
Flavious: “We’re heading to a Toga Party”
ElevatorRider: Thinking “Yeah right”
Flavious: “On the Rooftop of Larry Flint’s World Famous Hustler Club”
ElavatorRider: Thinking “Wish I was that Flavious dude”

The valet was duly impressed and offered up a Hail Caesar for a send off.


We always take bridal pictures. It’s good luck.

9:00 PM

Got lost a few times on our way to the Hustler Club. It’s right off of I15 and Russell Road, but it’s on a frontage that’s hard to connect to. Finally had to ask the Google Map Lady. She brought us in for a perfect landing.

We pulled into the parking lot at 9:05 PM. There really was a separate entrance on the side. Unfortunately it was manned by a small security detachment. I started wondering if my giant brushed aluminum Johnson would pass inspection. They did appear to be equipped with metal detectors. I had a solution for that. I quickly drank the entire Martini Bank. Ok. That was stupid.

End of Part 1.

I can only say OH MY. Can't wait for the rest, great start to my day coffee and this TR.

The title to this thread does not do it justice. I'm not even sure why I clicked on it but I'm very glad I did. I can't wait for part two. Your cliffhanger ending of part one has me on the edge of my seat anxiously awaiting the next installment. I haven't felt this way since they cancelled As The World Turns.

I was going to write that this story probably won't end well, until I got to the part where you guzzled the whole damn Martini Bank. That was when I decided to go back and remove the "probably".

This story won't end well.

I am so looking forward to reading the rest of it . . . heh, heh, heh.

Vegas Toga Party Conclusion

I stepped out of the car and tossed the Martini Bank in the Trunk. As we slowly made our way to the side entrance something was sticking to my shoe. It was my Flavious Name Tag. I noticed Robinius had already lost his. Crap. Defective Name Tags. Just what we needed. This did not bode well for our Hypothesis. Perhaps they just didn’t stick to the material on our Togas.

It’s a good thing I didn’t try to bring my giant Bombay Filled artificial wankie into the party. The security guys wanded us both and would certainly have detected the huge metallic salami between my legs. They were really friendly and mentioned they had over 600 RSVPs for this party.


Who would have expected to find a nasty beaver at Hustler Club?

Side Note: Cultural Anthropologist Margaret Mead pioneered the use of photography in her work. She took over 50,000 photographs and untold miles of film. As newly appointed amateur cultural anthropologists, it was important for Robinius and I to attempt to capture the spirit and essence of this 2014 toga party to let the reader form his own opinions about this event. Hopefully our efforts have preserved this spirit and essence for future generations.

In the Mead tradition we give you:

Vegas Toga Party 2014
The rooftop of Hustler Club is a great venue. It’s spacious; there were two bars, a big dance floor, plenty of comfortable seating, gorgeous cocktail waitresses and some interesting views. When we got off the elevator it was obvious that there was nowhere near 600 people there. We were some of the first Toga Partiers to arrive so we selected prime seating right in front of the dance floor.

The only reason I pre loaded my Martinis was I feared they would be $20 at Hustler Club. I asked the Bartender how much drinks were. $18 he said. But the other bar had $4.00 beer specials for us. Friendly! I got a beer at the other bar. A few minutes later the bartender came to our table and informed us that they had decided to just charge $6.00 for premium drinks. That was nice.


This is Steve. He was at the party trying to meet a toga woman. I mentioned that he would have a better chance if he put a little more effort into his Toga..Which was weak as a sheet. Also if he was going to wear a sheet toga, he should have spent some more time on his Pecs…and Abs…and he should be about 30 years younger (he is 60). Steve is an 8th grade biology teacher and a nice guy.

He claimed he invented zip off pant legs when he was a kid, but his mom wouldn’t sew them for him. Imagine his surprise when I showed him the first Toga innovation in 2000 years…The hidden Toga Pocket. He was impressed. We made up a Name Tag for Steve. He chose Cassius as his Roman Name. He could have had Julius or Nero or Brutus….but he picked Cassius. I gave him a C-.


Damn!


What did the Roman Cannibal say about his wife? Gladiator.


How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With a pair of Caesars!


Why would a man get his nipple pierced? No, really. Why?


The woman in the red dress was Nasty. But in a good sort of Nasty way. She was a dirty dancer….Like Simulating Sexual Intercourse at all opportunities. Veni, Veni, Veni! The guy was with the blonde woman, but ignored her the whole evening and buried his head in his Smartphone. You can see he’s having a great time. .


Dirty Dancing


Admiration for the Toga Pocket.


It was a beautiful evening in Las Vegas. At some point Cassius returned. He lost his Name Tag. We made him a new one. He stuck it directly to his chest. I also found Nero and Fusilli’s Name Tags stuck to the floor. Both Robinius and I lost ours too. We decided to stop handing out our defective name tags before we ended up with some bizarre product liability lawsuit. We still gave people Roman names.


Did you hear about the dyslexic guy who went to a Toga Party dressed as a goat? This is Corey (Roman Name Fusilli). He was seeking a Toga Woman. Corey picked up stakes and moved from Chicago to Vegas 5 weeks earlier. He’s trying to buy a distressed property. I gave him some pointers on his Toga Game. Lose the turban.


Toga-ther we could rule the world!


The Wild Samoan Toga


Saturnina, Tiberius, and Horatia


Drusilla and Augustus . Now THAT’S a Laurel Wreath Crown right there!


Fausta and Faustus


Ok…I know that I coveted a real Laurel Wreath Crown, but this guy had friggin’ Laurel Antlers.


Laurel Antler Dude with wife.


Here’s a view of the strip you don’t get very often….like never.


There was some strange dancing taking place at this event. I’m no Dancer. I’m more of a Blitzen. I occasionally visited places In the 1980’s where people were dancing. I mention the 80’s because that’s the music which was allegedly being played. I have never seen the dances that were taking place at the Toga Party.

They did several diddies that instructed the dancers what to do….Like ‘To the Left, To the Left’….but it was a Hip Hop beat. Like Hip Hop Hokey Pokey. I thought it was incredibly irritating. Everyone seemed to know the steps to these dances except me…and Robinius. How could we have missed an entire dance genre? Are we that far removed from modern culture? The only thing that made this remotely bearable is that 70% of the dancers were women dancing with women or women dancing alone. I just pretended they were naked.


More of this weird Hip Hop Hokey Pokey Line Dancing Thingy. In the interest of further analysis, Robin made a two minute HD video recording of this dance phenomenon. The lighting was kind of tough which made the focus difficult. I have uploaded it to YouTube for your scientific study. Perhaps someone recognizes this dance and can enlighten us as to where and when it entered popular culture.

Hip Hop Hokey Pokey

The Elvis looking dude with the black cape seemed to have a nack for this dance, but he and his tablemates didn’t fit the Toga Party mold. They were anomalies. I wanted to interview them and ask them “What’s your deal?” but then I forgot.


In my impaired state I really thought the woman in red was a goddess….like Aphrodite or Venus or Nephthys or something. Well, maybe not Nephthys.


This is Nero. He put his name tag on and it fell off immediately. Nero claimed to have attended a South Beach Toga party at some resort a few months back. It was a 2 day affair that culminated with everyone naked and group sex. I’m not sure I believe Nero.


This was a fun group. I named the bald guy Yulelius. I don’t think he liked that.


Balbus and Blandina


Knock Knock. Who’s there!? Caesar! Caesar who? Caesar quickly before she gets away!


Where did Caesar keep his armies? Up his sleevies.


What happened when Caesar went to Mount Olive? Popeye got pissed!


Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons? He wanted to mark Antony.


Up on a roof… where the air is fresh and sweet
I get away from the hustling crowds
And all that rat race noise down in the street


Wide angle shot. You can see Cassius with the Name Tag attached to his chest.

TOGA PARTY FINAL OBSERVATIONS

Demographics:
Approximate # of Attendees: 80
Percent Female: 55
Percent that were pre-coupled: 60
Percent of non pre-coupled…just out with friends: 70
Percent of non pre-coupled males just looking for sex: 100
Percent of non pre-coupled Females just looking for sex: 0
Racial Breakdown: 75 White, 1 Black, 1 Pacific Islander, 2 Other
Average Estimated Age: 39
Virtually all Attendees were locals.

Trends and Observations
Everyone was friendly and appeared to have a good time
A small percentage of people are completely obsessed with their phones
Girls dancing with girls was very prevalent. There were no boys dancing with boys.
Hip Hop Hokey Pokey. Trending!
Most of the attendees were just looking for a fun night out. It was really enjoyable.
We were unable to prove our hypothesis due to equipment failure. It happens in Science sometimes.
It should be noted that Cassius appeared well on the road to luckiness.
I think the name tag gave him confidence. Good for him.


11:30 PM
Into the Belly of the Beast.

Although still early, it was time for Flavious and Robinius to leave. We met a lot of friendly people, listened to irritating music, took lots of pictures and enjoyed a beautiful Las Vegas night…On the Rooftop of Larry Flint’s World Famous Hustler Club.

There were a couple of security guys in front of the elevator that went down to the club. Robin pointed to the other elevator that returned us to the parking lot. I pointed to this elevator that went down to the cub. I asked one of the guys if we could get to the parking lot this way. He said “Sure you just have to walk through the club”…I and asked him if it was ok if we did that. “Absolutely” he said with a wink: “Take the Scenic Route”. Robin was still pointing to the other elevator. I stepped into the Scenic Route Elevator. Robin followed.


The Scenic Elevator

When the elevator opened, we were immediately joined by Maria from Mexico City. She was wearing a Shear Black Bra and Black Panties and High Heels. I think she honestly thought we were foreign dignitaries visiting Las Vegas in our traditional foreign dignitary clothes. You’d think the cardboard laurel wreath crown would be a dead giveaway, but apparently not.

She wondered where we were from. I told her ‘I am Flavious From Fresno’. Sensing our importance, she quickly signaled her friend to come join us. Maria suggested we should all move over to the bar where we could get better acquainted. I was just kind of shaking my head….and then IT happened. Maria started rubbing her substantial boobage all over my Toga….Like she was marking me. This was some kind of borderline Debauchery right here.

I commented on how Friendly everyone was at Hustler club…and she laughed….”Oh Jess…we are all very friendly here’ and continued to rub her ample breasts on my Toga. She again tried to maneuver us toward the bar and I finally said..”No Maria…we should probably be going…but you can keep doing that boobie thing if you like”…She did not like….but she was still as friendly as can be.


We exited through ‘Hustler Hollywood’…the Hustler gift shop. Let’s just say they had an eclectic inventory. I asked the sales lady if she gave demos. She was really friendly.

If I had to describe Larry Flint’s World Famous Hustler Club with one word…it would, of course be “Friendly”. The rooftop party area is a fantastic venue and “Sleazy” never even entered the picture…until the very end there….But it wasn’t a rip-off kind of sleazy....more like an erotic kind of perverted sleazy.

12:15 AM

We returned to the Plaza. Robin couldn’t get out of his Toga fast enough. He was back in street clothes before we left the Hustler club. I had other ideas. I’m not going to spend 40 bucks on a Roman Nobel outfit and only wear it for 3 hours. I’m going to maximize my return on investment. I’m going to try a little Fremont Street Busking. That seems like something I probably always wanted to do.

And why not? People just start lavishing money on you and they want to have their picture taken with you. It’s like being popular and getting paid for it. What could be better? I might even consider reverse busking..that’s where I pay random people to have their picture taken with me.

I added some ice to the glass of martini from my initial martini bank withdrawal. Then I quickly finished it off. Time to check out Fremont! The street was closed off with ID checks at each entrance to keep out the underage and the riff-raff…because it was Friday night. It was really hopping with lots of people.

I was kind of expecting something like Caesar's Triumphal March…People waving at me…rose petals in my path…Then a mad rush to lavish dollar bills on me and rabid Plebeians fawning to have their picture taken with me….and be close to me…but not touch me. That’s not what happened.

People were staring at me alright….but not in a friendly toga party kind of way…more like a ‘Hey look at that asshole’ kind of way. Robin noticed it too. It was like EVERYONE was staring at me and seemed to think I was a pariah or social outcast or pervert or something….I’m no pariah.

Occasionally, someone would shout out ‘Hail Ceasar!” and give me a wave…..and I’d hold up two fingers and shout back “5 Beers!”. But the bottom line was that nobody wanted to give me money or have their picture taken with me. In fact, most people were purposely avoiding me. Let me tell you, the life of a Fremont street busker is no fuckin’ box of chocolates.

We walked down to the D. We had a mission there.


Even the Dancing Girl was staring at me. Hey!…you’re dancing in a Casino in your underpanties…don’t be staring at me.

We went up to the Vue Bar. I jokingly held up 2 fingers and asked for 5 Bombay Sapphire Martinis…then changed it to a double. We were there to toast to Mrs. AlanLeroy’s Uncle David who died last year. Mrs. AlanLeroy and Uncle David and I enjoyed meeting up in Vegas many times and one of his favorite places in the world was the end seat at the Vue Bar at Fitzgerald’s. RIP Uncle David.

Robin and I then stopped into every casino on Fremont and played 10 bucks in each…We play until we doubled our 10 bucks or lose it and then move on. Then we split the winnings. We call it the Downtown Medley.


I eventually encountered my kindred spirt, Mr. Spock. He said I could have my picture taken with him for free, but it was $2.00 to use the phaser. I told him I was having a tough time making it and my pictures were down to 50 cents. He asked about the Toga and I mumbled “Episode 54. Bread and Circuses….is what we got here”. He just wanted to get away from me then.

Eventually we made it back to the Plaza. It was about 4 AM when I hit the sack. I had officially been up for 24 hours….but what a day.

I won’t bore you with the details of the trip home…Like it was Derby day and we had a great brunch at Wicked Spoon, and Stopped at Frys for some computer components and I got killed at craps at M and we listened to the Warrior/Clippers Game 7 for many hours. I guess I will bore you with the details.

Although it was an exhausting day, it was a much needed break for me. In fact within a few days I felt fully rested and almost fully recovered.

Some of my friends wonder why I would drive 800 round trip miles for a 3 hour party and then stay up drinking and gambling all night. I don’t have a good answer for them….

Margaret Mead did::
“I was wise enough to never grow up while fooling most people into believing I had”

I don’t think I’m fooling anyone.

Well done!

Flavius flav...one cool dude. Great story alan, loved it.

Great fun! Thanks for sharing. Loved the pics.

Great times. I'm left wondering if Robin had drunken toga sex or not.

Of course I thought right about the odds being against that.