Contributing expert Carol O'Hare, writes:
For most people, gambling is just another way to have fun, and the money you can lose is no more than the price you pay for an entertainment option. For some, however, gambling can become a serious problem with progressively worsening emotional and financial consequences. Just like being addicted to drugs or alcohol, it's possible for a person to become addicted to gambling.
Of course, you can't smell a deck of cards on your friend's breath, so recognizing the problem could be a little tougher than spotting those other addictions. In fact, problem gamblers usually go to great lengths to cover up what's really happening or to convince you that nothing is wrong. I know. I became a convincing liar and a pretty good actress when my back was against the wall because of my gambling.
If your friend has a genuine problem, I can assure you the signs are there. You just need to know what to look for. Ask yourself these questions:
• Does this person lie about how much time or money he or she spends on gambling, or become defensive or evasive when asked about these things? I never actually denied that I gambled, but I also never told anyone the whole truth. When I told my children I was just going to hang out with friends for a while, they didn't know that my "friends" were video poker machines.
• Does your friend use gambling to "zone out" or turn off stress? Gambling is an amazing drug for some people. I could become so lost in my gambling that I was completely unaware of my surroundings. Frankly, the last thing I wanted was for someone to talk to me and break that trance. The real jackpot for problem gamblers is the ability gambling has to change the way they feel: getting high or numbing out. Either way can be a great escape.
• How's his financial situation? Does he frequently have to borrow money to cover routine expenses like rent or car payments, even though he has a job and what appears to be an adequate income? I always had to manufacture a crisis to explain why I needed money. Car repair, school expenses for the kids, child-support check didn't come in -- you name it and I needed money to cover it. If you suspect that your friend's financial problems are really the result of his gambling, don't be afraid to ask what he's borrowing money for, then ask to see the evidence of the need. If he really can't pay the rent and you want to help, write the check to his landlord; don't give him cash. If you're bailing out a problem gambler who isn't admitting to the problem, you're only helping him to get worse.
As desperation sets in, problem gamblers will promise anything to get themselves out of the next crisis, sometimes even admitting that gambling is the cause and swearing they'll never do it again. At this point, however, it's unlikely that they have the ability to keep the promise. Addiction is about losing control. When it comes to gambling, I have an 'ON' switch in my brain, but once I start, there is no 'OFF' switch. On my own, I was able to stop for brief periods, maybe days or even weeks, but eventually the urge became too overwhelming and I'd give in to relieve the pain, only to lose control again.
At my lowest and most desperate moment, I called a friend looking for another bail-out. What he gave me instead was a phone number for a problem-gambling hotline and the assurance that if I really wanted to stop, there were people who could help me. I called, and he was right. I was able to learn about this illness and find the support and treatment that was available to help me recover.
If you're worried about a friend, or if the "friend" is you, call the Problem Gamblers HelpLine at 800/522-4700 for confidential information and assistance. The HelpLine is a free service of the National Council on Problem Gambling, and is available 24 hours a day. Counselors will answer your questions, send you information, and direct you to the resources in your area.
