Question of the Day - 10 April 2007

The main problem we face with QoD submissions is people sending in questions we've already answered or about topics that we already list elsewhere on our site. However, among the duplicates, the redundants, and all the worthwhile and intriguing questions we get, every now and then there's a real turkey -- either a dumb question or something so poorly posed that its meaning is twisted or rendered utterly incomprehensible. We don't hate getting these, just so long as they're not too frequent, because we do derive lots of amusement from them during what can be some long and arduous research days.

Usually we just keep these questions to ourselves, but you're far from alone in sending us this request. So, at the risk of offending any loyal readers and in the spirit of a little harmless fun, here's a sampling of some of the more inadvertently amusing queries we've received, together with our suggested responses.

• Is there a beach near Las Vegas?

  Yup, the whole city's surrounded by a massive beach; the only problem is that it's about a 270-mile walk to the ocean.

• What is the availability of rooms like when casinos are imploded?

  Pretty good – there's hardly any demand at all for rooms in imploding hotels, but you might encounter difficulties when trying to make your reservation, as the receptionists generally vacate the premises some time in advance of the dynamiting and frequently the telephone lines are disconnected. Once the implosion's actually taken place, room availability plummets, of course. And don't bank on getting a good night's sleep.

• You are missing buffet info and prices for the following: New York-New York, the Stardust, Westward Ho, and the Venetian. And the Rio off the Strip.

  Oh, you're being much too gentle on us. We missed the Boardwalk, the Castaways, and Desert Inn, too. Not to mention the Dunes, the Sands, and the Hacienda. Since New York-New York and the Venetian are still standing but have never had buffets, we'll cut ourselves some slack there. And, as you'll find in our buffet section, the Rio has two buffets: the Carnival World option serves breakfast ($13.99), lunch ($16.99), dinner ($23.99), and weekend champagne brunch (also $23.99), while the Village Seafood Buffet offers dinner seven days a week for $34.99.

• Gamblers, especially poker players, play with their chips. Gamblers will play when they're sick. They cough and sneeze and use the back of their hands and sleeves and touch the chips. Is there a law that requires casinos to sterilize their gaming checks after a certain amount of playing time? Can a pit boss force a sick player to stop playing if that person is perceived to be a biohazard from the constant sneezing, coughing, and nose blowing?

  The onward march of the totalitarian juggernaut may have succeeded in banning smoking here, but as far as we know, it's not yet illegal to sneeze. It's probably only a matter of time before it is, of course, but until that day dawns, we advise you to wear a face mask and gloves at all times and bring your own oxygen cylinder, so you don't have to share the air with the rest of us unclean folk (we don't just sneeze on gaming chips, you know – we've been known to cough on cups, pens, beer bottles – sorry, we don't want to give you nightmares.) In fact, why take the risk at all? It's not worth it. Just stay home.

• Is the movie Casino Royale that's out right now about the real Casino Royale in Las Vegas?

Yup, that's right. The Hollywood movie Casino Royale is based not on Ian Fleming's 1953 inaugural James Bond novel (which spawned an unofficial film starring David Niven in 1967), but rather on the 42-year-old, 152-room dump of a hotel that never considers our coupon program or will even return a phone call to answer a question, even though we list them in our Top Ten values, located in the center of the Las Vegas Strip.

• Is the movie Casino Royale that’s out right now about the real Casino Royale in Las Vegas?

Yup, that’s right. The Hollywood movie Casino Royale is based not on Ian Fleming’s 1953 inaugural James Bond movie (which spawned an unofficial film starring David Niven in 1957), but rather on the low=rent 42-year-old 152-room hotel in the center of the Las Vegas Strip.

• Where is prostation [sic.] legal in the Las Vegas area?

  To the best of our knowledge it’s not illegal to lie down anywhere in the Las Vegas area, although it’s certainly inadvisable in some situations, such as on freeways or the carpet in the Vegas Club.

• Has anyone really made money (in the long run) counting cards? It seems like a bunch of hype to get people to play.

  Hint: Try looking up "Anthony Curtis." Or Ed Thorp, Ken Uston, Stanford Wong, Tommy Hyland, Al Francesco, Darryl Purpose, James Grossjean, the MIT team, Arnold Snyder, "the Greeks" … Or just go up to your nearest casino surveillance supervisor and ask them why they spend so much money on cameras, Griffin reports, continuous shufflers, and biometric technology. We have a feeling they’ll tell you it’s not all to catch the guy who’s stealing quarters from the slot machines.

• have the casinos changed their check-in time policy? i have come to vegas for the past ten yrs from the east coast on the early flight and get to my hotel at around 11 am i have never had a problem of checking in and going to my room .my last trip in may i was told room wouldn't be ready til 3pm but i could check back earlier. i asked for supervisor and was told this was their policy. i stated in ten yrs i never had a problem like this and they said i must have just been lucky to get in(for ten yrs?).i then moved over to caesars three days later and they actually had someone standing by front desk only allowing people to come in who were checking out.this was about noon. i was again told checkin was at three pm. i came back at 2:30pm and checked in. i was told by desk clerk that i can check in but he would have to check if my room was ready since it wasn't three oclock yet. this was totally different from when i came in jan of this yr. are all the hotels geetting together to do this or is it just my imagination? i am going to vegas in july for a free slot tournament and three free nights at caesars and noted on invitation that it states check in time is 3 pm. do you have any info on this.( i stayed at imperial palace and caesars in may) thanks

  You’re welcome. And if we had any idea what you were talking about, we could attempt to help you.

• Why do the hotels charge so much for their rooms?

  Because they can. Wouldn’t you?

• Why did you stop your newsletter?

  Um, we didn't. Is this a trick question?

• What is good-machine advice and play several hours, that advice you have given mean?

  Is this some kind of cipher? If so, please send us the code book and we’ll try to answer your question.

Okay, you get the picture. Now, please everyone, send us some good, intelligible questions so we can keep this column going!