Is there a mythical alternative to Las Vegas,

Is there a mythical alternative to Las Vegas, where you can go to gamble and see shows without the companies trying to suck every dime out of your pocket with resort fees, paid parking, poor odds etc.?

Yes, there is. It's called the Dreamo Casino.

Because it has a figurative infinite amount of space in which to expand, it's all surface parking. Shuttles run on the minute from the farthest reaches of the lot, but they're always empty; patrons relish the opportunity to get a little exercise on the way in and out. Parking is not only free, the entry gate issues a $10 food credit (bus arrivals receive $20).

At the door, you're handed a $10 matchplay coupon, a glass of champagne, and a lei.

Most patrons play video poker, since Dreamo offers 9/6 JoB, 10/7 Double Double, 9/5 Bonus, and full-pay Deuces Wild, Joker Wild, and Downtown Deuces.

In addition, the players club offers cashback at 0.5%, plus food comp-dollars at 1%, with frequent 5x, 7x, and 10x multipliers. No tiers -- all players enjoy the same comp status.

For table-game players, Dreamo deals true odds on all bets at craps, roulette, baccarat, Pai Gow Poker, single-zero roulette, and has the best blackjack rules (card counters are welcome); only the carny games carry a small house edge. In the sports book, it's all nickel lines. The poker room allows smoking, with free cigarettes for anyone who asks, though no one smokes, in consideration of the other players; meanwhile, even the $1-$2 players get a free 24-hour buffet.

The hotel rooms are all suites of various sizes and escalating amenities and the advertised room rate is exactly what you pay; the term "resort fee" has never entered the hospitality lexicon. Wifi, access to the pools and fitness center, and bottled water are free, though the daily newspaper, phone calls, transportation to the golf courses, and of course adult television are charged separately. No local room or sales taxes are collected.

Believe it or not, given all these benefits for players and guests, Dreamo shows a substantial bottom-line profit every year, year after year.

Thanks to effective marketing, Dreamo attracts every half-sharp gambler in the world, taking their best shot at the positive games, but going down in flames due to imperfect playing strategies, overbetting their bankrolls, partaking in the extra-strong comped drinks, and being distracted by dealertainers, trained shills at the tables, high-decibel Muzak, signature scents that simulate fresh cash and dispel inhibitions, and high information loads such as flashing lighting, vivid colors, crowded spaces, and a random floor design.

We've got a full room-food-beverage comp to give away. Here's the catch. Dreamo Casino is located in Shmigadoon, a land that can be reached only across a magic footbridge, when shrouded in a mystic fog, and only by those with adventurous spirits, accepting hearts, and steadfast souls. If you think you qualify, let us know in the comment boxes.

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Comments

Jackie Nov-25-2022

LOL

You should have saved this one for April 1st.

John Nov-25-2022

Hmmmm...

According to my GPS, you go to Brigadoon and turn right to get there.

A very well done piece today!  Bravo!

Bob Nov-25-2022

KL Dat You?

when I read the question, it sounded like a Kevin Lewis Question. I'll be Damned if it doesn't sound like he answered it too???  Just sayn'

Derick Nov-25-2022

Dreamo

Well considering was there ever any casino close to this??

Luis Nov-25-2022

Ah Dreamo Casino!!

My favorite place, The place I write about every time I go to Vegas!!, and It's got fountains like bellagio's, ans statues like MonteCarlos and Caesars!, castles like Excallibur's, Even a RollerCoaster and Clown like the Boardwalk!!......Ups, sorry, I'm awake now!!

Bobq Nov-25-2022

Bobq

When I started going to Las Vegas in the late 80's & early 90's it wasn't quite as good as Dreamo Casino, but oh how I miss those day's. The Horseshoe was was Rockin, no over head light show, no resort fees' etc...But It's over and all that's left is to play the we were dealt.

mofromto Nov-25-2022

Ladies of the night

...and the party girls even give you change!

Raymond Jessen Nov-25-2022

Marks not customers

The short answer to a reasonable alternative to the current Las Vegas is that it does not exist in the United States.  We will all remain marks and not valued customers.

[email protected] Nov-25-2022

Shmigadoon

If you build it they will come.

Kevin Lewis Nov-25-2022

Vegas, circa 1990

It exists, all right...in the past. I need to get some spark plugs for my time machine and I'm going there ASAP.

Kevin Rough Nov-25-2022

In the past

In the past, casinos offered good gaming, cheap food, with no bogus fees.  The casinos made money.

Now the casinos have worse gaming, expensive food, and tons of bogus fees.  And casino companies have difficulty making a profit.

Doozey Nov-25-2022

CasiNO

float on a cloud of chronic

jay Nov-25-2022

Sams Club

In Vegas Sams Club is pretty good. The food is passable, but once your in Vegas and presumably have a car you can eat anywhere and attend entertainment as you please. Being an out of the way locals casino the odds are not that bad on most games, and the comps are acceptable but limited to their amenities.

In Canada 3:2 on Blackjack is mandated, 85% is the absolute minimum payback. Downside is no free booze, no comps allowed, but the video poker odds are favorable.

RichM Nov-25-2022

No state or local withholding...

Can we have no state or local W2g withholding? And, let's implement that bill raising the hand pay threshold to $5K, indexed to inflation. :)

O2bnVegas Nov-25-2022

my Dreamo dream

I am walking up the grand staircase as in the final scene of "Titanic", Dreamo Hosts in their jewel-studded gowns and tuxedos lining the balcony, applauding me and shouting bravos as I enter smiling and waving in anticipation of the largess that awaits me.

Of course, waking up is from that is the pits.

Candy

Andyb Nov-25-2022

I was there

I started my Las Vegas adventures in 1952 as a 4 year old and was there las week at 74. I no longer stay any where near the strip or downtown. I like GVR in Henderson and have been treated well by STN. My parents always talked of the One dollar buffet at El Rancho Vegas. I remember buffets at Hacienda and Saraha both inexpensive and good. Once upon a time the casino business appreciated and welcomed guest with open arms and deals. Now mostly they could care less and treat guest with disdain.

DwWashburn9 Nov-25-2022

Really?

I don't think the writer was looking for sarcasm. The points he brought up are valid and real. Parking fees, resort fees, outrageous room rates and bad odds at tabe games and machines have turned Vegas into a much less attractive option for the recreational player. I believe the writer was just asking where he could get the best bang for his buck.

Hoppy Nov-25-2022

Just do a 180

I 'Lost and Found in Las Vegas', the story 'Strip Away takes the reader to the opposite of what you are looking for. From there, The Dream Casino is just a 180 away.

Ray Nov-25-2022

Just shaking my head

A little bit of overkill, don't ya think? The reality is nothing even close to what the answer states EVER existed. And considering the fact that people are returning in droves, they have no reason to discount anything. People say "I'm not going bac". Well, SOMEBODY is! Oil companies continue to suck record profits...we drive more and more. Restaurants have waiting lists. No reason to sell the food cheaper. Big corps control it all. If a small independent gives you a better deal, the big guys either undercut them until they are out of business or buy them out, so real competition doesn't last long.

BryanrLV Dec-06-2022

It's Great!

Just now reading this! It is almost like Vegas back in the 60's thru mid 80's or when ever the Mob was fully pushed out.

Question of the Day - 25 November 2022

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