I enjoy words and clever ways of saying things. Back when I was younger, I was known as something of a smart ass — often making observations out loud. Sometimes witty. Sometimes, not so much. Many of my friends know that I haven’t completely outgrown my younger days.
I’ve been reading Mark Billings’ The Ultimate Edge — Professional Blackjack in the 1980s in preparation for our radio interview with Mark on Thursday April 4. (Gambling with an Edge airs Thursdays from 7-8 p.m. PDT on radio 1230 AM in Las Vegas or on www.klav1230am.com from anywhere. Shows are archived here the day after the show and are available for you on a podcast basis.)
The book itself is a fascinating look at blackjack “back when.” The sharpest players were every bit as good as the sharpest players now — but the casinos weren’t quite as savvy regarding what the players were doing. Also, the players didn’t have lawyers like Bob Nersesian to protect them from being beaten up by casino goons. Ah, the good old days.
The chapter that I found most interesting word-wise was somewhat off-topic from the rest of the book. Nonetheless, that chapter has already improved one aspect of my life and I expect it to continue to pay dividends!
In that chapter, the characters were getting ready to leave a casino and were having a big meal together on their last night — comped, of course. Wine was flowing and a good time was being had by all. One of the guys, Tony, the one with the biggest mouth, even had to unbutton the front of his pants because he had eaten so much.
Tony wasn’t an impressive physical specimen — belly overlapping the front of his pants — but someone mentioned that Tony used to be able to do two thousand pushups. For those of you who don’t know pushups, this would be a very impressive feat — possibly not even attainable by anybody in the National Football League. (Maybe. I’m not sure about this. I haven’t been in any NFL locker rooms ever.)
Anyway, Tony said it had been some time since he could do that many, but he still could do between five and six hundred U.S. Marine quality pushups. And further, he could do them in less than ten minutes. (If you do the math, doing six hundred pushups in ten minutes is about one per second. If you are in shape, maintaining that pace for a dozen or so pushups is quite possible. However, keeping that pace up for several hundred pushups would require you to be an Olympic-level athlete.)
A sizeable bet was made and accepted. Had I been there, I likely would have bet the “under” and Tony would have certainly covered my action as well.
At that point, Tony fastened his pants again, got down on the floor, belted out a total of seven pushups, and quit. He got up declaring he had won the bet.
The first time I read that section in the book, I had to go back and read it again. Finally I realized that seven was more than five and less than six hundred — and that was all that was required to win the bet. Most people think they heard “between five hundred and six hundred” but that’s not the same at all as between “five and six hundred.”
You may concede that this is clever wording and maybe you feel that Tony was a sneaky SOB. But I indicated earlier that it changed one aspect of my life. You may also be thinking that, “It’s not THAT clever.” Let me explain.
I often have people asking what my gambling score was when I am leaving a casino. Frankly, unless someone is in a small group of my friends or relatives, that’s none of their damned business. But telling them it’s none of their damned business sounds neither polite nor friendly. So after reading The Ultimate Edge, I now tell them, “I won (or I lost) between eighty and one hundred thousand dollars today.” That usually shuts them up. For most people, that score sounds so much bigger than what they have ever experienced that they are at a loss for words.
And my answer is perfectly correct more than 95% of the time. There have been a few times where my daily score ended up really close to zero so it was less than $80. And even fewer times when it’s been greater than $100,000. But the rest of the time, it’s between eighty and one hundred thousand dollars on any given day, so my answer is completely honest. And it’s not unfriendly at all!
It’s such a wonderful phrase!