Category: Lifestyle & Travel Tips

I’m back in Vegas, it’s beeyootiful, and I’m killing it on the dance floor. Standing at the bar, a lovely asks, “I saw you dancing. Wow. Are you with the band?” Some guy offered to buy my hat for $100. It seems I’ve become the unofficial house dancer at Bruno Mars’ Pinky Ring. Though Bruno announced in his Saturday late-night set, “It’s not the Pinky Ring, it’s the Panky Rang.”

If you missed my article or Anthony and Andrew’s post-Super Bowl YouTube video, where I strongly encouraged you to high-tail it over to the “Panky Rang” and missed the super value play, believe me, in the world of Vegas club experiences, this is still so far above the rest, ya gotta go.

Everyone I’ve met there have been staggered by hanging with Mr. 24 K Magic, rockin’ it in his super-intimate ultra-posh penthouse lounge. (You never know if he’s there until, well, he’s there, but hint: Hooligans.) Remember, max capacity is an insanely tiny 186, so maybe 170 get in. And on busy nights, there’s a line.

If you come in between 5 and 8 p.m., there’s no table minimum — again, amazing by Vegas club standards. From 8 p.m. on, you’re buying the table for the night. This is a very good thing. Depending on whether the Hooligans (and possibly Bruno) are playing or the Diamonds, the rates change. You can get a table for two for $150, the minimum. But with the Hooligans on stage, it jumps to $300-$700. A larger table for 6 to 8 is $1,000 or more.

If you want to meet the man, be respectful. Don’t bum rush his space, as Carl and Michael, Bruno’s security, will stop you cold with THEIR pinky.

But do tell Baez, the host at the door, that Bobby Vegas sent you. Please.

The DJs spin around the band, who play at least two sets starting at 9 or 10. The Hooligans do mostly jazz and funk for the first set, then more funk, pop, and disco (my fave) the second set. If Bruno joins them, he plays maybe four songs.

I grew up on “Soul Train,” so believe me when I say that when Bruno sings Marvin Gaye, it’s nothing less than amazing. And I bumped into a big guy at the bar who I thought was gonna break down and cry. “I been comin’ to Vegas forevah! An’ I never seen anything like this this. We did shots with Bruno, man! Shots!”

Bringing this back to LVA, is the Pinky Ring still a value play? Let me answer a question with a question.

If two orchestra seats at Bruno’s Dolby Live show at Park MGM set you back $600-$700 smackolas, is it worth spending $700-$1,000 to hang with the man in his very own lounge, living the 24 K magic live? Your other half will love you forever and you’ll talk about it for years. So if you can’t figure that out, please just go back to where you come from.

Oh, and the final secret? SRO is still free, if you can get in. So get in, early.

What could possibly not happen in that time? Well, let’s see what did.

To start was a six-day Super Bowl event I’d been planning for 18 months. Even with all the client frustrations and a greatly reduced crowd of 15 people, it was a huge success. It took place at Stadium Swim at Circa and the bill was around $10,000.

Shaq’s Fun House at XS at the Wynn the Friday night before Super Bowl Sunday was, in a word, wild.

I got photo-hustled twice, once on Fremont Street and once in the Bellagio self-park.

(I also needed a pinky ring for — what else? — Bruno Mars’ Pinky Ring at Bellagio and bought some fake gold from a “broke Saudi” who needed gas money to get home to San Francisco. It’s okay. I didn’t have to go to a jewelry store, figured it was fake, and got a “gold chain” too, all $100 for what was worth maybe $20.)

Besides, before this trip, I learned that Bruno Mars was opening an intimate lounge at Bellagio and his band The Hooligans was going to play over the first two weeks. I’m a huge Bruno fan, having seen him twice in Vegas and North Carolina. I had to be there, especially Monday night after the Super Bowl. So I booked several reservations for opening night and other nights.

And baby, I became a star. Worked the Bobby Vegas LVA journalist thing all the way home. It was so incredible, I decided to stay in Vegas for the Hooligans’ entire 14-day run or until I fell over dead. I was there for six out of the first eight nights, dancing up a storm with all sorts of hotties and getting a massage the first three days to work out the kinks. The band actually asked to take a picture with Bobby Vegas. But there’s a rule: What happens in the Pinky Ring stays in the Pinky Ring. So the house photographer took the shot and I still don’t have a copy!

Bruno got up and shook my hand the second night. I don’t remember what he said, but let me repeat that. Bruno Mars got up and shook my hand.

I danced with Janelle Monae and her girlfriend (well, okay, there were like 10 of us). I bonded with Jackie Wilson’s son Bobby and danced with Tina Turner’s goddaughter Gladys, who said I was the best dancer she’s ever been with. Two 40-something African American ladies asked me, “You’re from Brooklyn, right?” And a 20-something Colombian I was dancing salsa with said, “You’re Latino, right?”

The hosts all welcomed me back every night like I was the celebrity. I became an honorary Hooligan, spent oodles of money going to the Pinky Ring six times, though it was mostly from wins at video poker and roulette, and brought home tons of swag.

Then I got COVID.

More than a month later, I’m still recovering.

In Vegas, there is literally a coupon for everything.

Meanwhile, it’s been a great week for this scuffler.

I just discovered the hilarious Kristen Bell movie Queenpin, about two extreme couponers who sell stolen coupons on the web and make millions. Okay, they go to jail, but still … they totally capture the couponer zeitgeist.

Of course, this is the kind of thing that drives Anthony crazy and “ruins it for the rest of us.” Agreed. Last year, in one example of this, a bar released a coupon that was too good to be true. Anthony warned them it would be a problem and sadly, it’s not always fun being right.

Still, Queenpin is a very fun movie with the ever-perky Kristen Bell and a small part for Vince Vaughan, who just looks … tired.

Bringing it back around to Vegas, some buds were there for CES. One called, then said he’d get back to me after dinner; they were eating at some Gordon Ramsey place. I knew I wouldn’t hear from them again, being their big night in Vegas. I did receive a “Sorry, I’ll text you later.”

I replied, “Everyone’s drunk or getting there, you’re trying to decide what strip club to go to, and you’ve lost your buy-in twice at the tables. It’s okay, John — you’re in Vegas. Enjoy yourself.”

I was, not surprisingly, right on all fronts. But things really took off when his buddy’s wife said, “Let’s go see some titties.” Why couldn’t I have married a girl like that? You’ll find out in a hot minute.

Did you know lap dances at Sapphire are now like $300 for 15-20 minutes? Well, John Boy paid for three. No wonder Vegas is making so much money.

That reminds me of one of my only other strip club stories. I’m not a strip club guy, but a client demanded I take him to Spearmint Rhino. There, he proceeded to tell the girls he was a plastic surgeon from New York City, thinking of relocating to Vegas. He had a lot of interesting “interactions” with the ladies, asking him to evaluate their boob jobs.

And this, in a way, brings me all the way back to the greatest coupon I never used.

It was years ago and I saved it, but couldn’t find it when I was writing this post. I know it wasn’t from the Member Rewards Book. It might’ve been from American Casino Guide. Wherever it came from, it was for a free lap dance! No kidding.

I just love the absurdity of asking some lovely for a lap dance and handing her a coupon! OMG!

And that’s the beauty of … Well, there are many things about this concept that are beautiful. But really, if you look hard enough, in Vegas there’s a coupon for everything.