Bonnie and I traveled to Los Angeles several months ago and, among other things, spent an afternoon visiting Margo, a platonic friend of mine going on 35 years. The ladies got along great and the visit reminded me of a story I wrote about Margo several years ago.
In about 2009, my wife-at-that-time Shirley and I were visiting Margo at her home — catching up on what had been happening since we had last seen each other a few years prior. Margo, it turned out, had recently started solving crossword puzzles with her boyfriend Mel.
When they began this hobby, they were both at approximately the same beginner level. For whatever reason, however, Mel’s skills improved faster than Margo’s so they were no longer on equal footing.
This irritated Margo. “The object as I see it,” Margo explained, “is to be doing something together. If he goes and gets better than me, we’re not really doing it together anymore. He’s become the instructor and that’s not what I want.” Margo didn’t tell us just how Mel got better. He might have solved puzzles without her (Is this a way of cheating on her?). He might have a better memory than Margo. He might simply be better at puzzles than she is.
This was a new “issue” between them. I’m not sure how they worked it out, but six years later they are still together. I found it somewhat amusing that Mel was being criticized for improving his skills. In my mind, “getting better” has always been something to be praised, not condemned.
In video poker, I’ve seen couples play a machine together numerous times. One will press the deal and draw button while the other selects the cards to hold. Although sometimes one will correct the other, usually they seem to be on the same wavelength and agree on the plays. As with Margo and Mel, this is a situation where they are being together as they enjoy their hobby. Win or lose, they are in it together.
Often the plays are WRONG, such as just holding the kings from KK774 in Double Double Bonus, but at least there is no dispute between them. This is a case where both of them think that holding the kings by themselves is correct.
If one of them practiced on the computer or studied a Winner’s Guide and hence improved the situation for both of them, do you think the other would resent it because they were no longer at the same level? It’s possible, of course, but I don’t think this would usually be the case. Playing video poker is significantly different than solving crossword puzzles.
Working crossword puzzles is a pleasant, time-killing, mental activity. Except in rare cases of competition, nobody cares how fast you are or whether you cheat by looking at the answers. The entire point is enjoyable mind stimulation. If you aren’t enjoying yourself filling out crosswords, then why do it? For most people, there is no reward from solving puzzles correctly other than self-satisfaction.
Video poker is also a pleasant, time-killing, mental activity. But here you keep score in dollars and cents. Getting better means playing longer on the same money or perhaps turning losses into wins. The rewards from playing well are real. Almost everybody prefers winning to losing, so if their partner helped them succeed at this, the partner’s effort is typically appreciated, not condemned.
If you’re not sure whether improving your skills at video poker will be appreciated by others in your life, I suggest it’s a chance worth taking. And if video poker doesn’t work out for you after all that practice, you can always go back and solve crossword puzzles!