Author’s note: This week’s blog has nothing to do with gambling. I’m hoping you find it interesting anyway. Next week I’ll return with something about video poker.
Bonnie and I live in a quiet neighborhood in Las Vegas. The homes are 30-35 years old and many of the original owners (including Bonnie) still live there. Everybody looks after each other and crime is low.
Except that Amazon packages are occasionally stolen from front porches.
It’s actually a wonder to me that this happens. There are regularly people out walking their dogs or with their spouses. We have a number of busybodies spread throughout the neighborhood keeping track of everybody’s business. This seems like a tough environment in which to pull off front porch heists, given that the porches are about 50 feet or more from the sidewalk.
With that said, I recently received a package from Cologuard. This is a mail-in service that is used to check for rectal cancer. You basically poop into a cup, take a small sample that you treat with chemicals they send, and then return that sample in the mail. It’s relatively easy and eliminates the need for many colonoscopies. It’s sent back and forth in a box that size-wise could hold an inflated volleyball.
The box was on my front porch on a Monday. I brought it in but didn’t go through the sample-collection process immediately. On Tuesday I had an appointment with my primary doctor for an annual physical.
My doctor told me that their practice wasn’t using Cologuard anymore. They now used something called InSure ONE and she gave me something that was size-wise similar to a regular business envelope. I don’t know how the products differ from each other or why the change was made. I’m not in the position to endorse or criticize either product. I’ll use the new product as my doctor requested because that’s the one my insurance covers.
I asked what to do with the box from Cologuard, and she told me to throw it away and I wouldn’t be charged. No. That would be too easy, and would deprive me of running a new experiment.
After taking a Sharpie and blacking out any reference to me, I put the unopened Cologuard box back on the front step. Maybe somebody will come by and steal it! I hope so. That somebody will be very disappointed with their haul!
I’ve heard of people who’ve wrapped up packages of dog poop and put it on their front porches to teach these thieves a lesson. What I’ve done isn’t nearly as gross and messy, but it will be just as useful to them!
It’s still there after two days. If it’s still there in two more days, it’ll go into the trash.
Author’s note: Trash is picked up on Saturdays in our neighborhood. On Friday afternoon I went to pick up the box and it was gone! I checked with Bonnie in case she had picked it up herself and either brought it in the house or disposed of it, but no. We had been ripped off!
I have never enjoyed the thought of being ripped off so much!
Porch pirates trail delivery vehicles such as Amazon. Report the theft of your Cologuard box to your police and to Amazon (you don’t have to tell them it was empty). That way at least you start a record of porch thefts in your neighborhood. Going to the trouble to collect a sample is important diagnostically for anyone.
Ask for police monitoring of your street for this (how many times they will monitor…who knows). You have a clue as to the day of the week yours occurred (and good for you doing that). “Ring” and those other surveillance methods can help.
It is a shame we have to put up with low-life thieves. Do what you can to discourage them. At least maybe they’ll move to another neighborhood if they see patrol cars in your area.
I took the box…..thinking it was a volleyball 🙂
Can you not insert a tracking device?
Amazon and Zalando deliveries regularly disappear, this is standard operational procedure. I changed my delivery options. Whenever I order up something valuable, I have it on pick-up from the postal office.
In Reno Nevada recently, I was hitting 4 of a kind one after another on a number of different trips. I play mostly
triple double bonus poker, double double bonus poker, and double bonus poker and in different casinos. I had a nice net of $3200.
Then my last 2 trips I lost about half of it back. Its as though somebody flipped a switch and the machines went to
tight, no pay mode.
Do casinos do a “refresh” from time to time on their machines? It makes no sense to see a lot of 4 of a kind to
almost no 4 of a kind.
Years ago, I had one of four 2nd floor apartments, and was one of the two by the back stairway. I never knew who, but I suspect one of the two 3rd floor apartment dwellers by the back stairway was stealing my morning paper 2 or 3 times per week. My first deterrent was to get up earlier and bring in the plastic wrapped newspaper and replace it with yesterday’s paper, rewrapped. They still kept stealing the day old paper, as well as my current paper when I woke up too late to get it. My second deterrent was to pour a whole cup of sugar into the day old paper and wrap it up. I suspect they had a mess when they stole it and opened it up. They quit stealing it for a week or two, but then started stealing it again. My third deterrent was to eat nothing but black beans, onions, garlic, and water all day. The next day, I crapped the smelliest, runniest diarrhea ever onto yesterday’s paper. I wrapped it up and put it outside my front door. Yes, they stole it! As they pulled out the paper and got drenched, they finally realized that crime doesn’t pay. They never stole my paper again!
It sounds to me like there’s something fece going on here.
(OK, that was my humorous comment. Here’s my serious one:)
Both my post office and my large apartment building have installed locker systems for packages, so I’m wondering whether there’s an individual locker that can be installed on home properties. With the post office, it’s not a security thing, it’s a convenience thing. We used to get a card in our PO box and then we’d have to get in line and wait until we got to the front of the line to be served, except for those times when an employee loudly asked if anybody had cards or notices, and then we could all skip the line and go to her to be served right away. Now, with about 3 dozen lockers installed out on the floor of the POB area, they put a key in our POB, which has a locker# on it, and we take the key to the locker of the same number and open the locker and get our package. At my apartment building, there’s a locker system called Luxer that has about 2 dozen small lockers and I super-size locker for all large packages. We get a text message with a 6-digit code number when a package is put in a locker, and then we go to the kiosk and input the number and sign a screen with a finger, then the locker door pops open, and we take our package out. For homes, I’m envisioning a single, free-standing cubical locker sitting atop a short pole in which the delivery guy would simply shut the door after he puts the package inside, which automatically locks the door, and then you would later use a key to open the door and get your package. Seems simple to me. Has such a thing been created yet? If not, this could be a lucrative project for anyone who wants to take it on.
A couple of comments re porch pirates:
– Years ago, there was a garbage strike in NYC in November. It lasted several weeks. Overwhelmed, a man boxed his garbage. wrapped it in Christmas paper and left it in his unlocked car. Sure enough, his garbage problem disappeared.
– I live in a condo. Delivery people always leave packages in our outer lobby. Whenever one of us sees these packages, we bring them inside for the recipient to pick them up when s/he comes home.
– Years ago, we lived in a small, rural town. Most folks had a milk box (left over from the old days when milk was delivered) or something similar on their porches. Nicely decorative, they also came in handy for holding delivered items.
Jeez . . . . I remember milk boxes. Am I old or what?
Johnzimbo: Now that was funny!
I noticed that Bob’s two most recent columns have drifted away from otherwise gambling related topics to more or less day-to-day issues. Not that I find it boring, (I read it anways because I am a big fan of Bob Dancer) but I would like post and allow my feedback. We live in crazy times, that’s for sure, and since most casinos have probably cut down on promotions and interesting offers while some are still closed, I still find it always very interesting to read what Bob has to tell us. Despite the current situation there are still many topics that could be discussed as I still believe that in 2022 we may return to normal casino life. Right now, I don’t like this situation at all and all the social distancing, the panicing, the plexi-spreaders, the closed buffets, and all the other obstacles are something that keep me from frequenting casinos at this time. If requested, I would gladly give some inputs about what may be interested to the readers. Just send me a pn if interested. Thank you.
Good prank Bob, but it’s also disheartening to know that thieves may be watching your front door just to rip you off. I realize the industry in Vegas has been hit hard since lockdowns began last year in 2020 and crime is up in all major metropolitan areas. Investing in a doorbell camera may be a good option or other camera devices to ward off thieves in the area. Possibly buying a sign that says, “Wireless Alarm System In Use” and placing it near the front door may even deter a possible B & E or other nefarious activities.
I got a package from Las Vegas today and I was feverishly waiting for the mailman to come to the front door but he didn’t. My package contained two 2021 American Silver Eagle Proofs from the West Point Mint and one PCGS graded 2021 American Silver Eagle coin MS70 from the San Francisco Mint Emergency Issue. Sometimes the mailman will drop the package off on the front door without knocking and that pisses me off because a passer by could easily snatch the things I’m ordering.