What Will I Do for Bonnie?

Author’s Note: When I originally wrote this, I was planning to quit gambling January 1. Since then, I’ve changed my mind about that, as I wrote in my 12/23 blog. When I was still in my “I’m going to quit gambling” mode, several readers asked me what I was going to do after I quit. Since many gamblers will be quitting, I decided to run this one anyway.

Before we were married, I told Bonnie that I was not a guy who would give her presents on traditional days (birthday, anniversary, Christmas, etc.) but I often received gifts from casinos which I would pass along to her, and she wouldn’t be shortchanged gift-wise. Although this initially struck her as odd, and not at all what she was used to with her first husband before he died, she decided she could put up with that.

When Bonnie comes along with me on casino trips (which is my hobby, not hers), often I find a way to reward her. When we went to the ROW in Reno, we’d each get $400 in Resort Credit a month, which Bonnie usually spent at one of the gift shops, and sometimes they had purse or jewelry giveaways which she enjoyed. She found herself well “taken care of.”

At Harrah’s Cherokee, we each got $200 in spa credit a month and most of our trips crossed monthly boundaries, so she would have two $400 spa days every trip, which we usually took four times a year or so.

Every additional casino I play at gives me something she can enjoy — whether it’s gift shop credit, free shows, meals, or whatever.

During our 11 years together, we’ve spent an average of three weeks a year cruising on NCL in balcony suites courtesy of casino largesse.

While in Las Vegas, I get free meals to the tune of $1,500 a month or so. In addition to feeding Bonnie, she has some in-town and out-of-town relatives, and we regularly treat them too. 

I didn’t provide this list to say, “See, what a nice husband I am” or “See how rich I am.” I provided it to indicate that when I stop gambling, all of these goodies will be going away. Some will linger awhile until the casinos figure I’m not coming back, but eventually they will all terminate. Casinos aren’t in the business of providing goodies to former players. 

I may periodically receive a “come back again” present from a casino. Going in to collect those things without playing at all is the surest way to stop receiving them in the future.

So, what will I do to keep Bonnie happy? The answer is some version of, “I haven’t figured it out yet.” It would probably cost $40,000 a year or more to give Bonnie what she’s used to receiving “for free.” While I still have some revenue from non-gambling sources and some accumulated capital (which I’m used to thinking of as “bankroll”), spending money on things I used to get for free requires developing some new habits and procedures.

Bonnie is not a greedy lady. She can understand why casinos won’t be giving us as much in the future. But still, she is used to a certain standard of living, largely supplied by me, and that was part of an implied contract when she agreed to marry me. Taking all that away from her is like a form of punishment she did nothing to deserve. Nor did I “screw up” somehow to cause this problem.

Bonnie brought assets into the relationship — some of which provide an income stream. I’ve paid for the bulk of expenses because I had both more assets and more income — and got a lot of things “for free.” We’ll probably shift to a more equal sharing of expenses. How we will do that, and how she will react to that, is unknown at this point. We haven’t had that conversation yet.

We’re both relatively frugal and figuring out how to do this is a puzzle to solve together. We’ll work it out somehow. We’re nowhere near destitute. We’re old enough that our assets will probably outlast us. (Hopefully. Unless the doomsday clock strikes midnight.) And the relationship works well for both of us. 

This is one of my blogs with more questions than answers. But that’s all I have for now.