Do you OWE your kids a college education?

I have a daughter who will be a high school senior this coming year, so we're deep into the world of college searching. She's at a tough college prep school, has great grades and many extracurricular activities, so we're not really worried about her getting into most of the places to which she will apply.

Before I go any further:

1) She's not a selfish person, has good common sense, and I've never gotten the sense that SHE expects us to just give her a blank check to attend whatever school tickles her fancy. Finanically, we couldn't anyway.

2) My wife and I fully intend to HELP pay for her college education. We don't yet know to what extent that will be, but we will do what we can.


Someone made an offhand comment to me the other day about how I'll "need to get another job and start working a bunch of overtime" when my daughter gets to college. I kind of resented it, because what I felt was implied was that it was my responsibility to fully fund her 4 year education.....that as my daughter she was ENTITLED to it (there was a little more to the conversation that made me think that).

I don't feel that anyone (I, or the government) OWES her a college education. I've spent 10k a year for the last 4 years getting her through a great college prep high school. She's 18, fully capable of working, assuming debt, and paying it off. I'm not sucking anything out of my retirement for her college education. I'm not assuming massive debt for HER education. I'm certainly not giving her a blank check to go to any school she chooses, regardless of how much they offer her in financial aid. I think that there's important life lessons in paying for your own education. I'm sure there's quite a few of us who remember college classmates who pissed away tens of thousands of dollars of their parents money on a 4-year party.

She is not a spoiled kid at all. She has far fewer "toys" than most of her friends, and is very grounded. I've explained to her that just because she gets in to the #1 school on her list (University of Denver), doesn't mean that she will be able to afford to go there. She seemed accepting of that. FWIW the other schools are USD (San Diego), Belmont, Gonzaga, and Oregon State (fallback).

I guess I just resented what this other person was implying. Curious how some other people felt about providing for a child's college education.

C

I'm not one to comment on anothers finances much but I will say this. So far as landing a meaningful job goes in todays society.................a high school diploma is next to useless.

As an example I cite this fact. The hosp. my wife works for requires a college degree to hire in as a claims examiner in their financial dept.

My wife graduated with a 3.49 GPA and it was not a walk in the park. It takes a lot of hard work and study. That takes time. Time one doesn't have to work. Any help or grants or scholarships are a Godsend. Believe me. Been there, done that.

I guess I just feel that help now is an investment in a future that involves less help financially later. After all, could you say no to your child later if they become strapped for cash at some later date?

I'm not saying you, or anyone else, should bankrupt themselves over their kids education, but a happy medium for success would be beneficial.

Tuition is ridiculous compared to when I was growing up.

That said, I do not think parents "owe" their kids anything other than a safe home/food/shelter, basic high school education, moral guidance, etc.

I don't think there is a right or wrong way to do it, but part of growing up is learning to manage resources and appreciate the value of things, including education.

I believe when "we" pay for things, "we" appreciate them more and take better care of them. I see friends' kids wreck new cars their parents bought for them, party hardy on the tuition money the parents worked hard to provide, etc.

Other kids are more responsible.

Maybe the person who said that to you either spoils their kid or simply does believe he owes his kids, like "owing" their daughters an expensive wedding, another subject.

No.

This is a great question.

We have two boys and the deal we offered was that we would help (not fully fund) the first two years.
We expected the remainder to be paid for by them through a combination of grants, work study and loans.

Our oldest boy decided that the Navy would be a better route and ended up getting his degree through the GI bill at no expense to us after he got out of the service. I suspect that his military service significantly matured him making him a better student.

Our youngest son had a great time during his first two years of college and then decided to accept a job as a game developer for Midway for a while. He later realized that he should have finished his degree, fully paid for the last two years himself and recently completely paid off his loans.

Both boys had skin in the game which I think is a good approach.

I'm not saying that this is necessarily the best approach for everyone but this was our experience.

You do what you can to help assuming they are going to put forth their best effort. My son will be a senior in high school this year so I've been looking at colleges. Tuition can range from $7000 to $50000. Graduation rates can range from 80% to 8%. I find the 8% hard to believe but that's what the webpage I used to compare schools said.

You fill out your FAFSA and it will tell you how much you can theoretically afford for school. You have the kid max out the loans and grants. You have a budget for what you can pay per month. Based on the financial aid the school will give the kids and subtract out the kid's loans and grants, you get an amount that you have to pay. If you can afford it, good. If not, select a cheaper school. Some schools are more motivated than others to make their school affordable for you.

When my step son went to college, tuition was $35000 per year. FAFSA said we could afford $10000 per year and the kid could get loans for $5000 per year. The school gave him $20000 in grants or adjustments to make it work for us.

Point being, it may not cost you more to go to an expensive school than a cheaper school. If you're spending $10k a year for private high school, you should be spend at least that much for her college or else what was the point. U Denver is not expensive as colleges go.

Edited: Oopsy daisy

Our girls (two of them) attended college 11 and 15 years ago. My how the prices have gone up. Our girls worked part time jobs the entire time from when they were 14. They very seldom asked for spending money. They long ago realized if YOU want something you will have to work for it.

Anyway, to the direct question. They both worked while in college, they did take out loans for 1/2 of their tuition. I payed the other 1/2. We did have to help them out with rent and such but not much else. They both have good jobs now and have worked for what they have. Their student loans have long been payed off.

This would be a tougher go now with the price of college. Some have to borrow so much that they will be paying for a long long time.

I went to a private college that cost almost twice as much as the public university system. When I got hired at my first job it was with a group of entry level software developers from the public schools that cost half as much...and some of them only had 2 year degrees. We all made the same money. Lesson learned.

And after 15 years experience IT employers couldn't give a rats ass where I graduated. They dont even want to see a diploma. They just want to know what I can do for them.

If I had to do it over again I'd get the two year degree and save my parents about 40K they generously forked over for my education.

There is no incentive for schools to save money as they push students into grants & student loans. However the fees are now so high the loan balances are pushing 6 figures. Unless you are a complete screwup it is almost impossible to flunk out as the schools want you to stay in to collect the tuition money.

Schools come up with the 120 credit requirement in order to force students to stay 4+ years & pay more money. They also design the schedules to push students into going for more than 4 years.

Liberal arts degrees are pretty much a waste. Degrees in black studies, women studies, philosphy and others give one no prepartion for jobs

Business degrees can be compressed into 2 years; there is no need to take courses such as art history, philosophy etc. I learned more actually working than golng to class.

More technical degrees in the siences and engineering would require more time but again again be compressed with the philosophy etc requirements dropped.

To save $$$ consider a 2 year school and then transferring to a 4 year school. The bachelors degree is the same whether you are there for 2 or 4 years.