How to assure winning at slots

Do any of you have sure-fire methods to guarantee a winning trip playing slots that you are willing to share? I have a couple of techniques that I am willing to reciprocate.
You put your right hand in,
You put your right hand out,
You put your right hand in,
And you shake it all about,

Oh wait . . .

You do the hokey pokey
and you turn yourself around
That what it's all about.
Yep - play penny machines, 1 penny at a time, very slowly - and grab as many freebie drinks as you can.
I can't think of any other way to guarantee coming out ahead.
Can't help with winning but this system will guarantee a break-even session every time:

1. Put money into slot machine.
2. Cash out ticket immediately.
3. Bring ticket to redemption machine and put into slot.
4. When screen says "cash out," touch screen and retrieve money.
5. Repeat as necessary.

Find me in a casino, ................. then play MAX bet at the machine on either side of me.

You are SURE to win BIG !!!!!


Rick
You never win money from a slot machine. It's only a loan that you wind up paying back WITH interest.

Larry from Las Vegas, NV
Let me share my technique. You will need to find a Video Poker machine that has a variety of games. Start by playing a version that doesn't value 2s, like Jacks or Better. Play this for awhile. Then trick the machine by quickly switching to Dueces Wild. Then watch the 2s dealt lickety split. The machine thinks it is teasing you with 2s while you play Jacks, not realizing immediately you switched to Deuces Wild. At some point the machine catches on that you are playing Deuces and you will want to switch games.
https://www.videopokeradvisor.com/video_poker_myths.php
My system is much better.
Move into a new house, apartment, condo, whatever.
Go to Vegas with your new Drivers License and address.
Sign up for all the slot clubs in town and utilize the free slot play.

Next year, repeat.
What's the over/under on how long until Chilcoot shows up to be a threadcrapper while sharing his wisdom?
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