Bonnie and I’ve been together for about 10 years — with our ninth wedding anniversary coming up next month. We knew each other, more or less, for about five years before that in that we both belonged to the same square dance club. Bonnie would come with her husband Fred and I would be there with Shirley. There were about 100 “regulars” and we all knew each other. Each “square” consisted of eight dancers who would dance together for about five minutes, and then the squares would get shuffled and you’d dance with another group of dancers. While I thought Bonnie was a nice lady, I had no thoughts of us ever hooking up together. We were both married and I thought Shirley and I would be together so long as we both lived.
Fred, Bonnie’s husband of 47 years, died from cancer in early 2012, and Shirley shocked me in late 2012, saying her lung health precluded her from living with anybody who was ever around smokers. Without going through all of the details, she moved to California, I stayed in Vegas, we separated our assets and filed for divorce. It 100% was not what I had planned nor what I wanted, but this was the situation I was in.
After sitting at home feeling sorry for myself for a few months, eventually I started going out. The square dance club was a comfortable place. Everybody knew both Shirley and me, didn’t take sides, and were relatively sensitive to the struggles I was going though. For quite some time, I danced with several of the ladies, including many with regular partners who would dance with me once or twice each night. Bonnie was one of many I danced with. I basically could dance as often as I wanted — no strings attached.
Time heals all wounds, they say, and over time I began to be myself again. They were starting an “advanced” square dance class and independently Bonnie and I each decided to take it. There were relatively few single dancers in the class, and in my opinion Bonnie was by far the most attractive single lady there. I wasn’t ready for dating yet, nor was she, but I convinced her that a “dance partners only” relationship for a while was a good idea. Eventually, of course, it turned into more.
It was well known in the club that I was a gambler and video poker teacher. Each time a new series of classes started, I’d announce it at the club and probably 40 of the club dancers attended one or more classes through the years. Bonnie liked gambling, but she was very frugal. She would limit her gambling trips to once a month with friends, and her gambling budget was $3 a night. She never won.
While I did hope to find one special lady, I wasn’t in a big hurry. I had a “list” of what I definitely wanted and what I definitely wanted to avoid and high on that list was financial responsibility. Even after Shirley and I split what our accumulated wealth, I still had a fairly sizeable bankroll and was not interested in any woman with serious financial problems. I didn’t need for a woman to be wealthy. I could afford a wife. I just didn’t want someone who was broke and likely to go through whatever assets I had. A lady who always lost at gambling would be automatically disqualified from my search.
Unless it was only $3 per month.
Women cost money, we all know that. Whether you’re married and take care of her, without cheating on her, or you cheat her and go to a strip club every other week for some action, women cost money. And if you are totally faithful and decide that she’s the one and after 10 or 15 years or so one of you starts some “action on the side” and the story’s over, that’s when the big check awaits. In my country, men are usually the losers if a marriage breaks and if there are kids involved, it could mean the ruin of many guy. I have heard of many stories.
I like Bob’s attituted. Why getting involved in a relationship with a woman who is in financial trouble and might put you in financial difficulties yourself? It’s better to be straight honest and do the right thing.
From Switzerland
Boris
I an waiting for the “rest of the story”…
Yeah, tell that to my sister, who was married to a compulsive spender – literally a spendaholic. Women aren’t the only ones who cost money.
Hi bud, in my 50 years of living in Vegas I would wager that men are a big favorite to be the, degenerate, in the house. I gotta find you a good American women brother.
1. Sorry, Harvey, but if someone is a woman, she can’t be a brother. Brothers are always men.
2. I’m curious about that $3 gambling limit. It hardly seems worth doing. I mean, why take the time to go to a casino and then only wager $3? The gambling session would be over very quickly. You wouldn’t even have gotten warmed up, so to speak. And what specifically does “$3 limit” mean? Does it mean that she only wagers $3, and then stops, no matter what the result is? Or does it mean a loss limit of $3? And what games at what denominations does she play? Regardless, it just doesn’t seem like you could get any psychological benefit (entertainment value) by only betting for 1 minute to a few minutes. I would feel: “Why bother?”
Years ago, I met Bob and Bonnie at a VP class, and I was impressed with their loving interaction. Congratulations, love wins!!
Hey Bob,
As long as you are happy, nothing else matters. Your time on the physical plane is coming to a close, it’s part of the process….so be happy and enjoy your time here! Thank you for the service you have provided over the years!!
I have been lucky. Been married just over 40 years. Wife is not much of a gambler. She will nurse $100 in a night at the video slot themed games and just have fun with it. I play mostly video poker, and am just abvoe average. i would hate to see how my play stands up with some of the programs that show the correct play. My wife is not a spender at all. Like I said, I am lucky. Bob has gone through a lot, and finding someone new is hard. I doubt that Bob thinks all women are just out for money or an easy life. Some do, but not all. Bob got lucky with Bonnie, and you do not hear him complain on his forum. Saying that being married is a losing propositoin is not fair or right. I was surprised that Bob even delved into his personal life. We all go through bad and good things. You make it work, which is what Bob did and is doing. Don’t knock him.
This is a great story, Bob, and you were brave to share it. I wish you many happy years with Bonnie
You could slow play 100 spins of penny video keno over an hour. Typical house edge is 5% so on average that would cost you 5 cents per hour. You might also find video blackjack or craps or roulette or baccarat or other video table games with similar situations. On average, you should be able to milk that for 60 hours with a $3 bankroll. Plenty of time for drinks, cigarettes, cigars plus the card clubs give you credit for time on device. If Buffalo is your game, the original series is probably a 10% hold and you can bet one penny per spin.
Congrats to Bob for finding joyful married life once again. Happy wife, happy life, as they say.
I wouldn’t be able to do any casino gambling if my husband also gambled, I’m quite sure. He absolutely did not get the gambling gene, DNA, whatever. One night he sat down beside BFF and I at slots, put $5 in a machine, hit the button maybe every 10 minutes or so. One of those silly machines where the pelican fishes off his boat. BFF and I cheered when he had a winner, while he couldn’t care less. Eventually he cashed out $18. I loved it. He was pleased but it didn’t rock his boat. He loved going with us, SEMA, people watching, ‘taking care of us’ etc,, but his medical problems have taken all the joy out of it, so he stays home with the cat, which is best for all of us.
…or as Ann Landers would say, “Time wounds all heels”.
Women are the rake of life.
Reading the more recent column from bob Dancer about the former wife and the second wife brought me back to a question I found myself pondering years ago. I don’t know if I could of broken up with the first wife, just on account of casino smoke. No religious basis for any of this, just think it would be really hard to do, as obviously it was based on his most recent discussion of the subject. Guess if it had been me, I might of tried to see if I could of worked around the casinos, like maybe having the lectures someplace else, and not at Souyhpoint. And maybe focus more on the writing, and give up the casino gambling, or maybe gotten into online gambling instead.. As one who loves the casino action I could only imagine what a tough choice it all was. But I was divorced once, and really know how bad it was. Just hard to imagine, especially when there was no other real problem with the wife. Just Had to be a very difficult choice.
Gambling can be fun and addictive and a real adrenaline boost when you get on a hot streak, but you are taking a heavy dose of second hand smoke, not to mention other significant risks to health and banking account.