Haggard corporates huddle over their conference-table laptop spreadsheets revealing red lines pointing down, empty coffee cups, half-eaten pastries, hair askew, bloodshot eyes.

“Ya think if we just get them in the door, we can make it up in …?”

Next month? Next quarter? Next year? Ya think?

Like this is a new idea? Maybe they’re catching on. See, an empty hotel room night is lost revenue forever. By my calcs, they’re staring at 15,000-25,000 empty rooms every weekend night. Midweek. more like 50,000. We may be seeing their breakeven revealed.

And as any good scuffler worth their stacked coupons knows, that’s good news.

Here’s Bobby Vegas’ common-sense recipe for success:

1) lower your costs coming in,
2) spend as much time as humanly possible on their dime, through comps, deals, coupons, WHATEVER,
3) and play the best games for you with the lowest edge.

Winner winner steaks for dinner! You’d prefer salmon? Fine.

Folks, there’s something you must always keep in mind: Time is your enemy. The longer you play with even a slight negative edge, the more likely they’ll win your money. Slots? Fuggedabouddit. The casinos know that many players like to forget it and hope for the best, tipping back the free drinks.

So if you care to win, or at least break even and have a grand old time, use EVERY advantage they give you, playing on their dime and on their time, eat on their comps, and use every free play, matchplay, two-fer, and discount and coupon you can beg, borrow, or fish out of the trash. (Thank you, Jean Scott.)

Old scuffler reminiscing.

“Now way back in the spring of ’25 when the cracks started to appear, there was the Plaza and that young Jonnie Jossel. My oh my, a smart boy, even bringing them in with bingo. Maybe try Bobby Wilson?

Then Downtown Grand followed, almost matching Plaza’s all-inclusive $125 a night deal, food, drinks, parking, and NRF. Now everyone from Boyd at the Fremont to Caesars at the Flamingo is offering two- night stays with $50 food credit for $150.

There’s that NRF again, a Bobby Vegas abbreviation for NO RESORT FEE.

Maybe it’ll catch on, like, a Bona Fide Bobby Vegas-Approved NRF Deal!

Plaza’s doing it, Downtown Grand does it, Four Queens, Golden Nugget, Treasure Island sometimes, and a few others dipping their toes in the NRF pool.

Yo, MGM, Caesars. Maybe you can work on those Strip food and drink prices, so we might get more than French fries and a Coke for our $50. Fremont? No problem, but can comps be used in the very nice new food court?

Me, I’m waiting for them to pay us to walk in. Remember the Stardust? $17 a night, complete with a $10 bounce-back and buffet coupon.

Just wait, people. It’s like fishing or hunting. Patience … patience … patience … then POUNCE!

Getting tired of the mainstream media hammering away at the “Death of Vegas?”

I am. If you are, try the Bobby Vegas angle: “What a time to visit Vegas and get great deals!”

Guess I’m still a legend in my own mind. Heck, then call Anthony.

Anyway, you all are here. That’s what’s/who’s important. You care. And now that I got all that off my chest, I’m also here to say, the tide is turning.

Wynn takes the lead once again. I love the Wynn. The soft fabric, the hushed elegance, the outstanding service, my favorite roulette dealer who used to spin for Kerry Packer (now that’s history). But $50 triple-zero roulette makes my stomach churn.

Not anymore! Gone! Parking fees? Gone! Overpriced mini bar waters? Gone! Now we’re talking.

Maybe some of the other houses will wake up and realize you can still have some of our money, just not all of it. Sure, we know we may lose; we just want to have a good time and go home happy, probably hung over. Just not hosed.

Those that change get our business. Those that don’t, we walk to the next casino that does.

Example: At Resorts World, $21 self-parking is back. Seriously? Apparently. I once paid $25 for a club soda at Zouk. No refills. CLUB. SODA. Instead, I’ll dance at Oddfellows next to EL Cortez.

I guess RW’s casino management got out of their 12-step zealous overcharging rehab program and immediately relapsed.

Step one: Admit you have a problem.
Step Two: It’s bigger than you and you’re insane.
Step Three: Ask for help.
Step Four: Look within at “how you done wrong.”
Step Five: Ask for forgiveness — like, “Canada! Oh Canada! We don’t really want you to become the 51st state. Please! Come back!”

On to some deals and no deals.

I just booked a double play for Vegas. I’m going to The Dream Awards at Orleans with my pal Bobby Wilson, who’s hosting, then staying for Halloween, one of the absolute best times in Vegas ever.

And the super-sale tix from Southwest? I had to call in ( no charge) and speak to a human being (no AI ), who found an even better deal than mine: round trip for $148. I’ve maybe had an under $200 round trip, but this is the first time under $150.

How about a Groupon deal for Caesars Bacchanal Buffet for under $100? Apparently, with the add-on line pass and Mimosas, it was a $150 “value.” And parking for the hoi polloi is $20 (free for locals, 7 Stars, Diamond, and Platinum).

Yes it’s a fabulous buffet, but to me, $100 for it, plus parking, plus tip, is no deal. Better deal? The LVA MRB Palms Buffet two-for-one or half-price, all the lobster you can eat, and free parking. That’s a deal.

Used yours? Buy your friend an MRB and take him or her. I was sick, so I still have mine, but not for long!