The Ultimate Secret to a Good Time in Vegas

I’ve been to Vegas something like 60 times and in this post I reveal, right now, for free, no strings attached, the single-most important rule to absolutely assure you have a good time in Vegas. Ready? Drink … a lot … of water.

Really? That’s it? Yes!

You’re in the desert, kids. The humidity is less than 10% on average and even when it’s not the middle of summer and 110 (it’s a dry heat? So you’re in an oven), you’re literally evaporating whatever you do. In other words, dehydrating, at a rapid rate.

You’re dehydrating on the plane. Ask the flight attendant for the whole can or bottle of water. Say please. And a cup with ice, another four ounces.

Bring a large container and fill it at the airport bottle-refill station when you land.

Say yes to every offer you get for water. In restaurants, get a slice of lemon. On the Strip, buy a cold bottle from one of those drink-purveying entrepreneurs for a buck. When you’re banging out the count at the tables, ask for a bottle. Or use ice water with lime as a cover. At the hotel, fill your ice bucket in your room and let it melt. Rather than peeing when you drink, drink when you pee.

Remember it like this: Winner winner water with dinner.

You want a Coke? A gin and tonic? Rum, tequila, Jäger shots? Fine. But since they’ll all dehydrate you more, at least alternate them with a large glass, cup, or bottle of water.

I know what dehydration feels like in Vegas. What happens from all that soda and/or alcohol is that you feel good for maybe 36 hours and then bam! You hit the wall. You wake up and feel like a train ran you over. I drink at least 64 ounces of H with my O2 every day at home and double in Vegas, and that has a lot to do with why I look like I’m 55 — though I collect Social Security and I didn’t take it early.

Even then, I’ve been to the emergency room in Vegas. Twice.

Once was for a precipitous drop in my blood sugar. A pit boss at the Wynn called a doctor to check up on me in my room. She said, “We were worried. You were winning and you left, so we knew you were sick. Oh, and you looked bad.” I was married at the time, so even though there was an obvious mutual attraction, I thanked her with some sugar-free chocolate. Damn.

I’ve also seen it snow twice. I’ve been pulled over twice and I was sober! But I was blasting ZZ Top exiting the sports book at the Hilton heading to Ellis Island. He said get some rest. Yes sir! And I’ve been propositioned twice, both times before breakfast. So take it from me. If you want to keep having a good time in Vegas, drink … a lot … of water.